Article: When did giving birth become a competition?

ashie0610 · May 2014

This will be a post and run for now because I need to go pick up DS, but I saw this on People.com today and it really resonated with me. I don't know who this particular "celeb" is but she definitely speaking my language.

https://celebritybabies.people.com/2014/05/05/majandra-delfinos-blog-when-did-giving-birth-become-a-competition/#more-204388

These are a few of the snippets that hit home for me:

There are people out there so high on themselves, so incredibly insecure about what virtues they have of their own, that they will cling to their birth story as if it was a medal with the inscription “I am better than you.”

It’s your body, it’s your vagina, it’s your kid.

There are no right and wrong ways to do this.

Thoughts?

lrobi13 · May 2014

As I am slowly learning, pregnancy is no picnic (and I have had a relatively easy go at it). I think that no matter how that baby makes it into this world you have given birth.

ashie0610 · May 2014

Totally agree, @PurpleHippo19‌. I don't know if it's just this board or what, but I actually feel like our BMB is really accepting of so many different kinds of birth. Kind of like, your plan is your plan and your story is your story and that's okay. It's really mostly people in real life, two in particular come to mind, who this article made me think of.

duckr · May 2014

People really judge others on the type of birth they have?! I have thought at times that certain birth plans weren't my style but I never thought less of the person for going that route. What should any of us care as long as the person isn't hurting the baby or themselves?

AmandaJean12 · May 2014

This is one of those things I just don't get. I don't care how you became a mom - pushing it out without drugs, having to have emergency surgery, waiting for months for an adoption service to tell you you're finally getting your baby. They all have their own challenges.

I've never done it, but I'm guessing that getting to stick to my ideal birth plan isn't going to make me a better mom once I have the baby in my arms.

pinkshades05 · May 2014

I don't think there are wrong ways to give birth, but I will say that some interventions during birth can have serious consequences and that's why I chose to avoid them. Whether that's important to someone else or not is up to them. Interventions aren't bad; they were invented for a reason and no one should feel bad about their birth experience.

MissMandyD · May 2014

She is so right.

ashie0610 · May 2014

I think a lot of it really does have to do with other insecurities. People tell themselves things to make themselves feel better. One friend of mine recently had a terrible induction, followed by a long, painful labor. Her baby was in distress and passed meconium. He ended up in the NICU for several days. He's totally healthy now, but she still feels the need to say, "Well, at least I didn't have to have a c-section." Why say that, especially knowing how many people DO need one??

Justabean3 · May 2014

This why I don't get when mothers go in with a plan and then feel so ashamed to have had it change.

I'll never get an epidural! Change their mind

I'll never get a c-section! And get one when problems arise

I'll birth in candle light! Then rush to the hospital..

No plan is ever the set plan when it comes to birthing and no plan means it's the only plan for you. There should be no shame in yourself when you change it.

As an Aussie once told me "it doesn't matter if baby comes out zipper or pull, you're still a good mom"

Saragoeswest · May 2014

I loved this article! Thank you for sharing! Somehow I want to go into birth both determined and flexible. I think reading this has helped.

angeltennis3 · May 2014

I think women who make everything, including labor, a competition, ultimately lead unhappy lives. You are always going to find someone out there who had an easier labor, has a more attractive/smarter/athletic/talented child. In my opinion, the key is to love what you have and support the uniqueness of the life and experiences you have been given and what you will give your child.

I want an epidural and vaginal delivery. If that doesn't go my way, who cares as long as I have a healthy baby at the end of it?

Slapdashalice · May 2014

Completely agree. I still haven't picked a birth plan and frankly none of the options seem appealing whatsoever! I am praying they invent some kind of baby teleporting device before October but if not I will just go with whatever is the safest for my medical circumstances. I applaud women that see birth as a wonderful experience to look forward to but personally I am dreading it. Having the baby in my arms will be the wonderful part for me and I will be damn proud of myself for getting through whatever it is that I have to do to get to that place! Forget what others think because epidural, c-section or whale song in the bath tub it all results in a new life and is a tremendous accomplishment.

Megcha0812 · May 2014

It is absolutely ridiculous how judgmental people are from the second they find out about you being pregnant!!! I dont understand why child birth needs to be a competition. We (as in women) should all be encouraging and providing support for one another, not judging the others decisions. I plan to have a natural birth and have gotten SO much slack for it, my MIL being the worst culprit. Im sick of hearing how I wont be able to handle the pain and how THEY needed it so I must... or how Im only doing it because I think Im better than other moms have had meds. So crazy!!

Justabean3 · May 2014

^ I started that way as well. I was like "is she freaking serious"

Hah

ashie0610 · May 2014

PurpleHippo19 said:

TicketTuesday said:

Nicb13 said:

Don't you know...everything about parenting is a competition!

Srsly this.

I can't believe all of you are so in agreement with this article. I'm astounded. It's every man for himself. Lives are at stake here and there is only one winner. We need to basically slash each other's throats to survive, people. And it's not just our children's lives, but entire families who are affected. If we win, they get food, security, a roof over their heads and... oh wait. I thought this was a discussion about the Hunger Games?

So what you guys are saying is we're all really on the same team and should support each other regardless of our different views and perspectives because in the end we all want healthy, happy children who aren't taught that everything in life is a competition? Ooooh. Then I'm so on board with this.

Omg. @TicketTuesday. This was me after reading the bolded.

And then I read the rest. Hahahah

Haha I was super confused for a sec too.

ashie0610 · May 2014

Saragoeswest said:

I loved this article! Thank you for sharing! Somehow I want to go into birth both determined and flexible. I think reading this has helped.

I think that's such a great way to describe the outlook I hope to have as well.

c&bmama0911 · May 2014

Agree.. no matter how you dice it, you brought a baby into this world.. embrace that and don't let anyone make you feel crappy because it didnt go according to THEIR plan! I've gone into my labors saying "whatever happens happens, I just want healthy babies" and thats exactly what I got..

LightBright515 · May 2014

My only birth plan is to have a healthy baby. It's not up for debate or comparison.

You do you, and I will do me. I don't care how you get the baby out, just do it

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