Newbie Being Swept Under the Rug (Pregnancies mentioned)

hillcountryannie · May 2014

I've been snooping around on this board for a very long time. I think it's time to post here, which is difficult. Because (sigh) I never thought we'd be here. My husband and I have been trying for three years. I really don't know how three years went by. The first one we were very casual about trying, so I let it go. But here we are now two years later, and I've been charting and tracking along the way. Nothing. In fact, I quit charting and the last couple of cycles we've just been doing it every other day or every third day, just to see. Still nothing. And I really really thought this would be the month. I even thought there might be a faint line. But there wasn't.

Ironically, I've spent over half my life taking care of other people's children. Being a mother is the only thing I've ever been sure about.

I have very limited choice in doctors because of my insurance, which actually has great coverage. I feel like the doctors I've seen haven't taken me seriously. The only person who does is my acupuncturist. Sometimes I think they look at me and forget that I'm 32 even though it's right there in my chart. The attitude just feels like...you're young...it will be okay. Side note, I am often mistaken as a 16-year-old, which creates some awesome looks from cashiers when I buy pregnancy tests.

Anyway, this whole process has left me bitter. I am surrounded by babies and pregnant women, and I cannot be happy for them. I try, I really do. My husband and I recently went to a decent sized party where we were the only couple who didn't have a child/were pregnant. I was miserable the entire time. Now the round of second friends' babies is coming, and that really hurts. It has also strained my relationship with my husband. I basically hate who I've become.

On top of it all, I feel very alone. I live away from my family and close friends, and the only person who I know who has gone through any difficulty conceiving is an acquaintance who just moved away.

I was supposed to have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, one I've waited over two months for. And just when I worked up the courage not get written off or pushed around, when I had a list of questions and specific concerns, my doctor's appointment has been canceled and rescheduled a month from now.

So that's my story.

CaitlinAnn24 · May 2014

I just wanted to welcome and I'm sorry for how you're feeling. I definitely understand a lot of what you're feeling. I hope that you are able to get into see the doctor a little earlier, but if not, just keep looking forward to that first appointment. It will be good to get tested and begin mapping out a plan.

hillcountryannie · May 2014

Thanks, Caitlin.

Lillovebug79 · May 2014

Welcome! I'm so sorry that you have to be here but you have definitely come to the right place. It's great to know that others just "get it." I've found more support here than I could have imagined. On my bad days, I know that I'm not alone. I hope this board will do the same for you!

AnnaClaire256 · May 2014

Welcome! You've come to the right place. It's easy to feel so alone with IF and it's amazing to have women to talk to who actually understand! I can totally relate to so much of what you said. You have the right idea with making a list of questions and concerns. You are your own best advocate. Hopefully the month passes quickly and you'll finally get some answers!

hillcountryannie · May 2014

That is so good to hear, Lillovebug. I appreciate that.

hillcountryannie · May 2014

Also, thanks AnnaClaire. Actually, my acupuncturist has been so supportive and encouraging. She is very knowledgeable about IF, and she has been so helpful.

hillcountryannie · May 2014

Packerfan, thanks! I hope we can get things moving soon, because I have waited long enough.

jencity9 · May 2014

Welcome. I am sorry to hear about your struggles. I have always looked young-ish too so I understand the feeling of being disregarded.

chicory · May 2014

Welcome. I'm sorry you're here. I too understand a lot of the pain you're feeling. Infertility just plain sucks. But! But you've got an appointment and you've got a lot of pent up pain and frustration and questions and I know you can channel all of that and be ready to stand up for yourself and ask to get some answers!!

Im sorry your appointment was canceled. Can you get on a cancellation list? It blows my mind that it takes so. freaking. long. to get in with human doctors. I have to wonder: really, REALLY are they so busy that it takes that long to reschedule? Maybe they are, how am I to know. But basically I wanted to say hello and I hear ya. Best of luck at your appointment!

tumbleweed123 · May 2014

Welcome! I'm so sorry for all that you've been through and I am crossing my fingers that you can get into that doctor sooner. Try to get on a cancellation list -- keep calling - maybe they can get you in faster? If not, I hope the wait goes quickly and you get some answers soon.

jjgrl55 · May 2014

Hope you get some answers soon! Welcome!

hillcountryannie · May 2014

Thanks, everyone! I appreciate all the support. I will call and try to get on cancellation list tomorrow. I doubt it will push my appointment up, because they always look super busy in the office.

My husband and I have talk about it and if we don't get anywhere with the doctors we are currently going to, then we are going to change my insurance during open enrollment in October. We will have to pay more for our premium but then I will have more choices.

bluesmiley78 · May 2014

I read the first two paragraph s and felt like i was reading my own life right now. It's so hard to be the one who takes care of others and not be able to have what you want. I hope your doctor's can give you some answers.

theholmanherd · May 2014

I can completely relate to feeling alone. My best friends live in AZ and my family is all in S. CA. I live in a tiny town in WA with only my unstable in-laws as any semblance of family or friends. I have a few acquaintances and one or two people I consider friends, but no one I hang out with regularly or confide in. You have found a great source of support with this board.

I hope you get some answers and a plan with the testing. Welcome!

hillcountryannie · May 2014

Bluesmiley, it's so good to know I am not alone. I was actually a nanny up until about a year ago, because it was the only job I could find here in Kentucky. Finally, I was able to get a good job. I mean, I have a master's degree! Things are a little better, because I have a job I love. Man, when I was under-employed and dealing with IF, I felt like a failure.

hillcountryannie · May 2014

Haha, I just posted a reply in the wrong spot.

hillcountryannie · May 2014

Ugh and now I copied something else here out of nowhere. How in the heck did that happen? Seriously! I think it's time for me to go to bed.

Anyway, I was going to say I understand about the no friends thing. Sure, I have friends I do stuff with but we'll just never be that close.

brazenbiblio · May 2014

Hello I'm sorry about your appointment. People seem to dismiss my fertility concerns as well. I'm 29 but I've been trying for about three years now as well. I feel like punching people when they tell me to relax or that I've got plenty of time.

bluesmiley78 · May 2014

I have heard that also...but I really don't. At 33 I only have about 4 years at most to have a child without being on the edge of "too old" I'm so glad that you love your job. That does help a great deal!

nmccombs11 · May 2014

I am so sorry you have found yourself here

The girls here are wonderful and have all kinds of info and surport. I can relate to ppl thinking your young, im a hairstylist and that's the first question with a new client, when I say no they say well your young no hurry.

It makes me want to smack them sometimes lol.

modernfairytale8709 · May 2014

Welcome. I'm sorry you have to be here, and I hope you get the results you're looking for soon.
That really sucks about your doctors appointment. I know just what its like to finally build up the nerve to do something and count down the days, only to have that something go away, and it's completely beyond your control.
Hugs to you!

BunnyBerry · May 2014

Welcome, though I'm sorry you are struggling with IF. How disappointing, that your appointment was cancelled! After another month (if necessary) to get mad that must make sure that RE listens up to your concerns when you finally get the chance to voice them!!

I'm sorry, too, that your doctors aren't taking your age seriously. I just turned 29, and we've been trying since I was 24, and our hope is to have 3 or 4 (or more) kids if it's possible. When I start doing the math, it gets really scary looking at how few "healthy" (yeah, right, IF) years there are. Kudos to you for standing up for yourself and making sure you get the best chances possible!

I'm glad you got a job in your field, too. IF can already bring us down so much on ourselves, it helps to have other outlets for our talents! Nice to meet you.

Danielle0311 · May 2014

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can definitely relate to all of the feelings you are having

I'm so sorry your doctors appointment got canceled, I would be very dissapointed as well. I hope when you have your appointment you are able to get some answers. Good luck and lots of ((hugs))

Pintobean39 · May 2014

Welcome, you will find a lot of wonderful women here that are very helpful. Good luck!

aves0708 · May 2014

Welcome! I also came to this board because I felt alone in dealing with IF. I have one friend who knows, but talking to someone who had no issues TTC is not the same. I have found it so helpful being a part of this community, where there are another amazing women who just "get it". I'm sorry you find yourself dealing with IF, but I think you'll find tons of knowledge and support here. Good luck with your first appointment!

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