Feeling alone in our experience

erinel · May 2014

I feel for all of you, and all of your experiences are terrible, but part of the reason I have joined different support groups and online forums is to find someone with a similar experience to mine, and to hopefully not feel so alone. I know that no one will have the same experience as me (baby born healthy but caught a virus and passed away at 5 weeks old after 27 days in the NICU), but in the hundreds of stories I have heard and read, I haven't found a single one like mine.

This is really just a vent, because in the end, we are all the same in that we have lost our babies. I don't consider my situation better or worse than others, it is just tough that we seem to be the only ones with this particular kind of incredibly bad luck.

BrittianyM · May 2014

I am so sorry. I know how you feel. I have and still feel alone in my circumstances also. Our daughter grew her wings at 11 weeks 4 days old from SIDS. It seems in all the support groups that I have come across none of them, or a very small #, have had babies pass away from SIDS.

Also, it seems like every other loss mom is pregnant again or has other children. Brooke is our first child and I am not pregnant again and not sure when my DH will be ready for that.

A loss of a child is a loss no matter when or how it happens. We are all in that same boat but are stories are different. We are all connected in that way but also still can feel alone. Just know that we are all here for you.

erinel · May 2014

Thanks

I know the support here is wonderful, and for that I am grateful.

Noethola · May 2014

@fluttergirlmoonchild lost her son Corbin in a similar experience. We have missed seeing much of her since her rainbow was born, but if I paged her correctly she may be able to lend an ear.

Though we all experience our losses and grief at different points and our stories can be similar or vastly different, it is nice not to feel isolated and alone.

shandorfml2 · May 2014

((hugs)) wish none of us had to be here. @BrittanyM I totally feel the same way...most Moms seem to either have had their rainbows or are currently pregnant. While I am happy for them, I am very jealous as we have been trying over a year now. It only took me four months to get pregnant with Ana. It all just seems so cruel.

GymSpaz26 · May 2014

@erinel and @BrittianyM I can totally identify in that I don't identify... if that makes any sense. My situation is also so drastically different than anyone I have encountered or read about. Our son passed away from SIDS at 3.5 days old. We had come home from the hospital just the night before. He was also our first child.

I know that everyone's loss is so very different. Even if there were someone who had lost their son the same way at a similar age, it still would be very different. But it is. It is hard that there aren't more people to be able to identify better with and walk with (although at the same time I don't wish there to be more people who have had a tragedy like this).

It's just hard.

lexusolsen · May 2014

We have a similar struggle. We lost Ben because of a placental aburption caused by a car accident. We can find support groups for parents who lost children due to tragedies, and those who lost them during pregnancy but not both. It's very isolating for my husband who feels guilty since he was driving. No one else "gets it" for him.

Missy0483 · May 2014

*Sig warning, rainbow mentioned*

I'm so sorry for your loss (((hugs)))

We lost our baby boy to SIDS the day he turned 6 months old. We attempted one support group, the only other parents there had a late pregnancy loss and were currently pregnant. It was not helpful at all. I find online groups much more comforting to me.

Xath · May 2014

**ticker warning**

When I feel alone in my experience, I try to take comfort in the idea that so few people have gone through what I have. The odds of what happened to us are so statistically small, I take comfort that Ellie's tragic loss means the other 99.9% in her situation are healthy and happy.

ikrystal · May 2014

chickinNH said:

I think it's very natural to want to connect to others with experiences exactly like your own. I find myself doing that too. It's almost like, even though I know we all feel the pain of our losses, if I can find someone else with the same story then that person must REALLY know what I'm feeling - that I'm truly NOT alone.

((Hugs)) to you.

Always perfectly stated. Hugs to you and your family.

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