Feeling overwhelmed, so many decisions

FirstatForty · May 2014

HI all,

I am 40 years old and expecting my first baby in November. I am only 9 weeks 5 days and already feeling overwhelmed about which bottles, car seat, diapers etc to choose. I know its way to early to be even thinking about all of this, especially since we had a miscarriage last year. We went for our specialist appt this week though, and the Dr said everything is looking good so far. Healthy heart beat etc, and I am very healthy.

I have been reading so many reviews on the essentials to buy and its so confusing. Then if you choose a certain type of bottle and LO doesn't like it, what do you do??? What are you ladies basing your choices on? reviews online or from friends who are already mums? I only have one friend (my age) who has a new born, all my other friends kids are teenagers now (Gosh I feel old, lol).

DTNZ4Ever · May 2014

Get the Baby Bargains book it is so helpful with the big ticket items. Luckily all of my friends had babies around the same time so they helped me with my registry. As for bottles both DSs were fine with the Born Free bottles we never had any issues. The only thing with DS1 was that he didn't like the fast flow nipples so we tried them out but ended up going back stage and he was fine.

Good luck and congrats!

nikkiuk · May 2014

It's changed a bit in the 16 years since I had my last one, so I've been reading reviews (Amazon is good for a zillion reviews) and remembering that really, you don't need everything they try to sell you! I'm resisting the temptation to buy cute clothes from places like Baby Gap because they grow like little weeds and it's a waste of money. Might be worth a trip over to the Parenting Over 35 board to ask what you really need - don't base your list on the things that Babies R Us etc tell you that you absolutely must have.

Don't get stressed about it though - it's one of the fun parts of expecting

iluvcandy · May 2014

I like Born Free bottles as well. What really helped me was a website called Lucie's List. It's written by a mom and she breaks it down to what you really need and make the whole baby registry less overwhelming. I bought a lot of the things that she has suggested and i was happy with everything! I think it's lucieslist.com. good luck!

KateLouise · May 2014

I remember feeling like this with DD1. I would go into a baby shop and get completely overwhelmed and then leave. If I managed to buy something like a onesie, it felt like a major achievement.

What I've learnt is that so much of it is personal preference, and what's going to suit you, and so much of that you simply cannot know until you're living with your baby.

Something that someone else raves about can have you spitting in frustration because it has fiddly clips, or you need three arms to use. Likewise the thing that seemed adequate in the shop can end up being your best friend.

As long as the products meet the safety standards, and are as easy to clean as possible then they'll all do a fine job.

I just bought a few small things at a time, and built up my confidence. We were on a budget, so I bought a lot of things second hand, and spent my money on new things for safety things like carseats and mattresses.

As time went by, I wasn't afraid to re-sell or donate things that didn't suit us.

As long as you have some clothes, a bed and a carseat you're golden.

Good luck, there is a lot of info out there, but ultimately they're just after your money, and none of it impacts on the amazing Mum you will be!!

harmonicbabe26 · May 2014

Hey! Congrats! One piece of advice I would give you is don't let yourself be brainwashed into thinking that you have to get all that most expensive and fanciest stuff out there! A 150$ crib is just fine, no need to spend 500$+.... Kids are totally fine using simple bottles (we had Avent) and you really don't absolutely need an elaborate nursery theme/Petunia Picklebottom bag/super expensive stroller system.... really what matters most is your love. Good luck!

nikkiuk · May 2014

Yeah, it's so not necessary to blow a stack of cash on cute because frankly, your baby doesn't care a fig. Food, bed, love and cuddles... that's all they need. When I think of the money I spent when my two were babies, it makes me cringe... but I was in my 20's and knew no better.

I'll be buying a co-sleeper instead of a crib, onesies, bottles, diapering things, Playtex bottles with drop-ins (because the reviews were good), change mat, microwave sterilizing bags (can't remember their name), baby monitor, stroller and car seat. Not much more than that.

As a PP said, personal preference is everything and you won't know much until baby is here on some items. For example, I'm not rushing to buy the stroller as I prefer to carry. I learned that the more sleep I get, the more sanity I preserve, hence a co-sleeper. I will put off buying a bottle warmer unless my baby refuses to drink room temp milk... some things need a little research but mostly common sense which I was lacking in my 20's!

2redtulips · May 2014

SuburbsMrs said:

I liked lucies list too. Honestly as a FTM whose friends mostly have teenagers-I totally hear you. I concentrated on 1. Stroller 2. Car seat 3. Crib I just registered and I picked a few bottles from a couple brands and I'll buy the rest later. Amazon delivers to my door! It's going to save my sanity. Honestly I'd spend more time looking at day care, which hospital, doula, and pregnancy stuff. Just concentrate on the pregnancy and ask questions. You've got this :-)

That's how I am feeling as well. I get completely overwhelmed by all the information out there, so I am concentrating on the big items like where baby will sleep, day care, pediatrician, etc.

The car seat is important, of course, so that's my next area of focus.

OutdoorGirl10 · May 2014

I'm with you as a FTM and feeling overwhelmed. I had a minor meltdown in the aisle with teethers because I realized I have no idea when teeth come in! I'm going to look at Lucies List too. For the most part, I'm not going to register for clothes, bibs, toys or books. People can just pick out what they think is cute and that's fine by me. I like the PP advice to work on one area at a time, I think I'll do that from now on

rcbuko · May 2014

I pick a lot of gear by parent reviews of products online. I do this for things like swings, car seats, exersaucer, bottles, monitor, stroller, breast pump, etc. I also go into the store and try out things that I can. For instance, I really thought I would want the Citi Select double stroller but when I pushed it in the store, I really didn't like it despite a lot of its attractive features. We wound up getting the Citi Mini GT double instead.

As far as bottles, you can often get one sample bottle from some manufacturers. I had a few on hand for trying with each baby. My first two kids settled on the Born Free bottles initially and stuck with them but my third kid preferred the simple Medela bottles that come with the pump. He now likes Born Free and doesn't like the Medela bottles anymore. We seriously tried 10 different types with DD1 because she didn't like any of them and was primarily breastfed. All three also accepted the Phillips Avent bottles as well. I have a few different brands on hand for baby number four to try.

As far as big items like cribs and carseats, Baby Bargains is a great resource. They are all safe because they have to be but each have different features. We really like both Britax and Diono carseats. Now that I am really into extended rear facing, we will only get Diono carseats for our two youngest since they are tall, skinny so fit next to each other, and have a long lifespan. I like Britax a lot but they only have a life span of 6 years. My soon to be 6 year old is only 36 pounds so will be in a carseat for awhile (she is in a Britax Frontier booster in one car and a Diono RXT in another car). My almost 4 year old is 34 pounds so some of my kids are petite and some are typical.

You'll figure it out. Some of it is trial and error. I have changed my likes and dislike over the years as our needs have changed.

danieleandwayne · May 2014

I agree with PPs about Lucie's List. But a lot depends on your location, lifestyle, job, etc. And the rest is trial and error. You never know what will work for your baby until your baby makes that determination him/herself. And even then it can change depending on the baby's whims, developmental stages, etc.

I found it really helpful to talk to my friends (most of them younger) who recently had babies. And many of them let me test items so I didn't have to buy to try. Everything from carriers to bottles. And then I was able to register accordingly for my shower. I also bought a number of items used-- through VarageSale (online buy/sell/trade site) and from local, reliable consignment shops.

For bottles, I found the Tommee Tippee-- which I thought I'd love-- were difficult to get all the milk out because of the lip at the top. The Dr. Brown's are great for gas issues and fit directly onto the Medela pump (if you're BFing and pumping), but are a PITA for cleaning. My go-to bottles are the Born Free. I bought a bunch of larger ones which we almost never use because my dd never drinks 9 ounces at once. (What the heck was I thinking? I knew NOTHING about the size of a baby's belly!)

Car seats-- I went with the infant seat instead of starting off with a convertible because I wanted to be able to take a sleeping baby with me instead of having to wait for her to wake up from naps or disturbing her sleep. And I loved the Chicco KeyFit 30 for ease of installation, use, and the fact that it's one of the lightest seats (that baby gets HEAVY quickly!).

I also cloth diaper, but when I DO use disposables (yeast rashes from antibiotics from ear infections during teething), I use Bambo Nature because they are as close to eco-friendly and non-toxic as a disposable can be and are AMAZING at holding in incredible amounts of urine and poop (they even have double gussets!). I get them for about $0.40 per diaper using Amazon Prime's Subscribe and Save.

www.babygearlab.com is also a great site for comparisons and reviews.

Good luck!

darby17 · May 2014

I am also a FTM and will be 40 when the baby comes. A friend got me the Baby Bargain book. It is very helpful. I like it because it tells you what you need, and what you don't need. I haven't started buying anything yet, but I can tell this book is going to be my best friend!

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