commute length

shavasana · May 2014

I am thinking about ttc, but right now I commute 1.5-2 hours each way (3-4 hrs total). My H works 30 min in the opposite direction. What is the furthest commute length you would consider with an infant? What about during pregnancy?

shavasana · May 2014

Thanks for the input. I'm pretty sure that there is no way I could keep this commute with a LO. EBF would be my goal.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

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VOR · May 2014

There is no way I'd keep a job w/ a commute like that with a child.

Peanutz21 · May 2014

yikes that is a long commute... the longest i would consider is 45 min one way

*sparky* · May 2014

I think for most of your PG that commute would not be a big deal, but it depends also on where your OB's office is and how many appts you had. There was a point when I was at risk for preterm labor and had to have some other tests done, when I was at the OB's or a specialist's office at least once a week. If he was nowhere near work that would mean taking a day off every week.

Once you get to the end of your PG, driving that far and working all day will wear on you. Not to mention you will probably have to stop for a pee break each way. ;-)

Once you have an infant, having a commute that far would be very difficult. It is good that your DH is closer, but does he have the flexibility to drop off/pick up/handle the mid-day sick calls to come pick baby up?

My DH has a 1.5-2 hour commute and he has been leaving early in the morning before the kids are up and tries to get home by 6. But I am the primary caregiver, so a lot falls on me. He was staying overnight every other night but now we have a newborn so we are trying this instead.

Also I would try staggering your hours with your DH's to minimize the hours your infant is in DC. If you were to drop off and pick up and work a full day in between, you're looking at 12 hours a day in DC which just seems like a lot to me.

2-Step · May 2014

I commuted 1 hour each way with my both of my kids. Thank god now I work from home. DH also commutes 1hr in another direction. It was not impossible, but not easy. I did EBF for nearly a year with both and yes I pumped a lot! We worked our schedules so he left super early and I stayed late so we could have our kids in daycare only 8 hours per day. We ended up with a daycare close to our home, but my mom lives and works near there and the daycare was two blocks from her work, so she was available if there ever was an emergency, which luckily never happened. It was doable for a little while, but we eventually realized that we couldn't keep both of us commuting and be happy that way. I took another job working from home and began freelancing, it hit our budget hard at first, but now we are back where we were before financially. It's tough, but it is doable if you are willing to sacrifice some things and get a nanny or extra help from family. I also ended up working out a part time deal where I eventually only worked 32 hours so I had fridays off.

Mrs_Lady · May 2014

I used to have a crazy commute pre baby like almost 2 hours then i had a 10min commute door to office while pregnant. Now my new co is 20 mins from home

Under an hour seems ideal

thedash · May 2014

I would try very hard to not have that kind of commute with an infant. If it can't be avoided I would look into a long maternity leave - like 6 months if at all possible.

ejb23 · May 2014

My DH and I each work 1.5 hour each way commute from home (it opposite directions). DD goes to daycare in our neighborhood. We stagger, DH goes in early and she is in DC about 10 hrs.
I EBF and pump in the car everyday. No problems with that. In general It sucks but we have to make it work. Being pregnant with a long commute was uncomfortable but again I made it work. Without traffic it's more like 35-45 min commute for both of us so if DD gets sick in middle of the day we can get there more quickly.

ss265 · May 2014

I have a 45min-1hour commute one way currently - DS1 is 18 months and I am pregnant with #2. I started this commute when DS1 was 8 months because my company approached me with an offer I couldn't turn down. I'll be honest, the commute is the main reason I would switch jobs in the future. That being said though, I don't see it as an issue for the rest of my pregnancy or when LO2 is an infant.

I do work from home one day a week which makes a world of difference and my husband has a 20 minute commute. Usually if we have to pick up DS1 from DC early because of illness etc. my husband is the one to do it because he is much closer. I also have a strict policy of not leaving the office any later than 5pm because DS1 goes to bed around 7pm and leaving at 5pm allows me to spend at least an hour with him before bed. My OB is located around halfway between work and home and I try and schedule appointments on work from home days so that I don't have to explain getting into work late/leaving early for doctor's appointments.

OP, 3-4 hours total would be hard but it also depends on where you work. Are they pretty flexible about hours? Could you get into work super early and leave early so you can spend time with LO before bedtime? How about spending less than 8 hours at work but logging on at night after LO goes to bed? What about time off for doctor's appointments? Regarding pumping, you can also pump during your commute to and from work to add in an extra pumping session. I get super exhausted while pregnant and I can't imagine having that long a commute but everyone is different.

MaggieF516 · May 2014

My commute is about 1.5 hours door to door, but I drop off my son at his grandmother's .5 hr in and then continue in to work. Right before he gets to his grandmother's, he starts getting really fussy during the car ride. Maybe you could drop him off at daycare somewhere that is between where you work and live. I was taking public transportation during my pregnancy (bus and then train), which was really less than ideal during the first trimester.

dashofreality · May 2014

I drove an hour and 15, about an hour and 30 with daycare dropoff, and I was only able to do that because I dropped down to part time and worked from home a few days and only went to the office 2x a week. My DH traveled though so there was no way that I could rely on him for daycare pickup and dropoff. I did it for a year and half 2x a week I would dropoff at 7:30 get to work around 8:30, leave at 4:00 and get home around 5:30. That was doable, but not fun.

If you will only be doing pickup/dropoff then you are looking at 12 hours a day with no real wiggle room for your LO at daycare (4 hours commute, 8 hour workday). That would be too close a call for me and too long 6-6 at daycare. Theoretically you could put LO in daycare close to you, but I would not be comfortable with keeping my LO in a car for 4 hours a day when it isn't necessary. Also, it would be extremely stressful, as it is likely that at least 50% of the time your baby would be screaming with you trying to drive and no way to console.

You can make it work, but you will need to be able to rely heavily on your DH. I don't think pregnancy will be an issue. If it is an issue, any commute would be an issue.

jf198400 · May 2014

I had an hour commute while pregnant with both of my kids, and while they were infants. It was hard. I can't imagine a 2hr commute while pregnant- I'd pee my pants. Things were even harder b/c my DH has always had a long commute like you, 2hrs each way. Everything kid related falls on me- snow delays and closings, sick kids, school events, daily dropoff and pickup. We have a lot of help from my mom so we make it work, but it's really challenging. I now have a 20min commute and it's so much better.

I don't think I could do your commute and have any kind of balance in my life. Yes maybe your DH can handle everything kid related, but will you really be happy living that way? What other options do you have? Can you move somewhere in the middle? Can you or your DH find a job closer to the others and move there? Could you afford to stay home until you find a closer job? Can you work remotely and just go to the office a few days per week?

I'm sorry you're in this position. My DH works in NYC, and there is no nice place to live that has any kind of reasonable commute there. So I understand where you're coming from. I hope you can find a way to make things work better for your family.

molisar · May 2014

15 minutes (8 miles) for me. Agreed with PP's, as a working mama you'll want to spend that valuable time commuting with your LO. A short commute plus working from home 2 days a week is a deal breaker for me. I wouldn't work at the place I work at if I didn't have those two things.

BabyHope2013 · May 2014

I drive about an hour and ten minutes each way---on a good day. I did this same commute when I was pregnant. There were some days I would have to stop on my way home just to pee...and I always made sure to go before I left work. Our DS is in a daycare about a mile away from my house. With our schedules, DH has to drop him off so I can get to work on time. I would not have enough time to get to work on time if I had to drop off. However, I have to do pick up bc DH usually has to work until 6 p.m. every night. So I leave work a half hour early every day to get there in time. It is also nice to have DS close to home since my parents live nearby and have been able to pick him up in a pinch if I have to work late or get stuck in crazy traffic. My daycare provider knows that I am likely the one who would have to pick up DS if he was sick and that I am about 45 minutes away if I am speeding with no traffic. Luckily, my boss is also ok with me leaving at a drop of a hat if I really had to.

The commute isn't ideal, but I have a job that I enjoy with a great boss who is very understanding when I need time off for DS. I will more than likely really start looking for another job closer to home after our next kid. I have 12 weeks of paid maternity leave here and we would like to have a second one in the next year or so.

mlee116 · May 2014

I can't imagine commuting that long. Anything over an hour would probably be a no go for me unless we seriously needed me to have that job. I had a one hour commute right after DS was born and it sucked. DH had to do pickup and dropoff and I felt like I wasn't connected at all to DS's caregiver.

Now my commute is 30-45 minutes and even that makes such a difference. DH has a 5 minute commute which is nice because he has a little more flexibility if we're running late in the morning and if there's ever an emergency, he could literally walk to the DC.

IMO, commute has a direct impact on satisfaction and work life balance. I wouldn't want a long stressful drive and then have very little time to spend with family once I got home. I also wouldn't want the time I do spend with my kids after work to be sitting in the car in traffic.

88sharonlee · May 2014

Not ideal but you CAN do it. I had a 2 hour commute each way while pregnant and still have a 1.5-2 hour each way commute now and my LO is 5 months.
My DH works 30 minutes away so he would be the emergency go to.

My commute now is by train, subway, walking so for me it's better than 2 hours of traffic!

Honestly I may consider finding a job closer to home in a few years but for now it's working. So in my opinion your commute should not stop you from TTC now as long as you are ok with possibly changing jobs in a few years.

That said I have very understanding company so if I needed to take a day, work from home once in a while or leave early that would be fine. I also negotiated a work schedule where I get in at 9:30 and leave right at 5.

I do drop off, DH does pick up and I'm home in time to nurse, feed solids, bath time and bed. I also EBF.

Good luck

SoMoNY · May 2014

90 minute train each way which is tolerable because we do it together and I use the time in the AM to get some extra sleep.

I have no desire to live in NYC so its this or a 60% pay cut.

In a few years I'll move to consulting so I'm only in the city 2-3 times a month.

NavyMom77 · May 2014

How consistent is that commute time? Does it frequently get delayed by traffic or not? How much can DH consistently help out? I work 40 min away, more with traffic. DH's job has an erratic schedule and travel, so I am the primary driver. It's hard when there's an emergency and it takes so long to get back to a sick child, then get them to the doctor. Also, I've run into problems when there's a traffic snarl and DH is travelling - just yesterday my 40 min commute turned into 90 and there was no way I could pick up both kids from two spots before closing. Luckily an awesome friend jumped in to help. And while it's emotionally tough to be so far away when they're little, it's more logistically hard as they get older and have afterschool activities. It's also not conducive to attending class parties or daytime activities that you could otherwise pop out on a lunch break for. I realized I couldn't do it anymore after having DD and when DH's schedule started to get crazier. After ML, I returned to 30 hours a week spread over 4 days, with 3 in the office and one from home. Makes a WORLD of difference! It's doable, just takes some juggling, team work and making sure you have a back-up plan for your back-up plan!

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