Talk me off the ledge prev pg ment

ky29 · May 2014

I may just be mad at the moment, so I apologize if I'm sounding a little crazy.

So DH chews. And we are mfi. He says chewing has nothing to do with it. I have a different opinion because my one cycle I did get pregnant he had quit chewing for 5 months. He started back up while I was pregnant. Now, he doesn't do it as much as he did before, but still quit a bit. And it's usually the cause of 90% of our disagreements. Well, we had another fight about it today, while on the way to pack my brother up from college, which lead to two hours of silence in the car together.

I'm mad. I'm mad that I feel like I'm putting in 110% to this. I'm doing acupuncture, I did the injects and IUIs. Anything that they say can 'help' fertility, I'm doing it. No matter how silly. And he's still chewing.

We were going to do another natural cycle with acupuncture. I was also going to get a repeat hsg. I don't want to. I'm the one that's paying for all of this. I'm tired of spending all this money and not getting anything out of it if he doesn't quit or at least come back. I want to stop temping, stop track everything. Just stop.

Am I just mad and overreacting? We still haven't spoken, I'm afraid of what I would say.

Ugh

thanks for the vent.

tifga · May 2014

It doesn't seem like over reacting to me. Even if he doesn't think it matters if quitting would help you feel better he should try. And it is also not good for his health.

Best of luck to you.

athlete010688 · May 2014

I don't think you're overreacting either. It's the same with us as well (as you know). We're just on natural cycles right now, but I can't see paying for an IUI or even Femara alone until he quits smoking. It's half of our battles.

l0v3 · May 2014

I'm in the same boat. DH is a smoker and we also have MFI. After the doctor said it would improve his morphology and overall numbers by quitting he finally got serious about it. He's been trying to quit for a couple years now. He's taken all kinds of medications and used those ecigarette things. Still smokes, but has definitely cut back. I can tell he's trying though so I can't beat him up too much. But before he got serious about quitting it was literally the cause of all our arguments. It is the most frustrating thing to deal with. I don't have any advice. I just wanted to say I feel your pain and GOOD LUCK. Nothing I said to him personally ever got through.

CandaceC1020 · May 2014

Nope. I'd be pissed too. What does he say when you ask him why he won't quit? Does he give any reasons at all?

Pintobean39 · May 2014

You aren't the only one. I got so pissed at my husband last weekend over how many diet drinks he drinks and we've had it out over taking vitamins.

I really don't think you are over reacting. Sometimes it just doesn't feel like it's a fair situation for us. (((Hugs)))

Milagros315 · May 2014

I'm so sorry Ky. I don't think you're overreacting. I would get mad when H would skip his vitamin. I hope that you guys are able to get on the same page. Hugs

ky29 · May 2014

CandaceC1020 said:
Nope. I'd be pissed too. What does he say when you ask him why he won't quit? Does he give any reasons at all?

He likes to do it and doesn't believe it has any effect on his sperm. That's basically all I get. Oh, or he just doesn't say anything because he's mad.

Pintobean, you're right - it's just not fair.

chickysue · May 2014

Hugs. I don't think you're overreacting. I'd be angry too.

adadeart · May 2014

Big hugs to you. Men just don't get everything we do through IF. I really hope he comes to his senses and quits.

BunnyBerry · May 2014

So sorry about that! How frustrating. Do you think if the very expensive doctor told him straight to his face that it affected his counts, it might make a difference？ Especially since you got a BFP when he quit - even if that's just anecdotal evidence, it makes sense that it would feel foolish not to try quitting again. I hope you two are able to communicate about it. Maybe holding off until a doctor can "make the call" will help. Good luck!!

ronniesgirl1981 · May 2014

I'm pissed for you! I caught my husband sneaking a smoke this week after having quit for 6 months. It made for a very stormy night.

ktupiak · May 2014

Im having the same issue with ny DH about drinking. He doesnt do it all the time but when he does its a good amount. His excuse is that all these drunk hillbillies can get drunk all the time and have tons of kids so that isnt the problem. All I asked is that when I started clomid he would stop until after O day, well he agreed and it didnt happen. His friends are saying the same thing so they are egging him on, frustrates me. He also has to get his S.A. done before the middle of the month but he hasn't and prolly won't either. Im to the point I just wanna give up too.

cymber217 · May 2014

Have your doctor tell him. I think that would be your best bet. Or maybe mention a sperm donor then he will know how serious you are? I guess thats mean though?

ky29 · May 2014

@calindi - Thanks for that response - kinda puts a different side of it. I like the 'we are in this together' plan. I will talk to him about some incentive on quitting - and hopefully he'll be honest with me & that I don't freak out if he slips up.

to update: We did talk last night, and he claims he's going to try and quit (there's no cutting back with him, he'll just be going cold turkey). We'll have to talk again and come up with a new plan for our next few cycles. Now we just have to get through the withdraw. Whenever he tries to quit, he can't ever sleep - and that's hard on me too, just feeling bad for him.

Anyone have any suggestions on something that would help him sleep - that is more natural and won't affect all these other vitamins/supps he's on for MFI?

MissEm15 · May 2014

@ky29 I'm so sorry to hear this. We are MFI too & I have my moments where I say the exact same things to him when I hear that he had a smoke w/ his cousin bc they were drinking blah blah. It so maddening and not fair after all we give up and put ourselves through. I do have to watch it so I don't come off too blamey bc then he just shuts down. I try to go about it like we are going to quit socially drinking together and start eating healthy together. We both need to be healthy. Def. make it seem like your doing it together even though we as women we know that we really give up way more haha. Men just don't understand sometimes, but its not intentional.

As far as sleeping problems.. my husband and I both suffer from insomnia. We used to take ambien, but have stopped. I was addicted to them.. not really the drug, but the feeling of knowing I would be able to fall asleep in 20 minutes. We switched to melatonin (I actually don't need that anymore). He has been taking melatonin every night during the week, 6mg. My RE said it's fine. It is a vitamin and does takes time to get in his system, but he def. thinks it works. On nights where he is really worked up & can't sleep by midnight, he will take a bendryl. My regular doc said its non-addictive. He kind of has to accept that one or two nights a week, he won't get much sleep. Then after a couple weeks, it really does work. It just def. takes time. Good luck! If you have questions, just let me know!

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