Working Moms
Stephanie2167
member
How do you balance it all?
Stephanie2167
member
in Working Moms
I have a 3 year old and 4 month old twin girls. I went back to work full time when the babies were 3 months old (it's almost been 2 months). This morning I woke up feeling defeated. We're a military family so we have no help. I just don't feel like it's possible to be a full time mom, wife and employee all in the same day. I feel like everyone only gets just a fraction of what they deserve from me. I think DH gets the the most neglect.
I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side but I just wonder what it would be like to be able to just be a full time mom and wife.
How do you juggle it all?
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Re: How do you balance it all?
I was feeling kind if like this today as well , I've been back to work for two months and I have a long commute, plus pumping at work, plus a dog, plus money stress....I mean it's tough.
I feel like I'm literally running around trying to get things done all day and then get to bed for some sleep, but one day at a time right!
Also, make sure you and DH are both doing your part w the parenting, household obligations etc. DH has been w our girls more than I have lately. He also cooks most meals. I do the shopping and cleaning. It's certainly not glamorous, but it works.
At least for me the first year was just pure survival. One day at a time, grind it out. No one got my 'Best' EVERY day, but they all got their expectations/needs met. Once I started to get more than 2-3hrs of consecutive sleep around 10-11months things got SO much better.
As pp have mentioned if you can afford to outsource definitely do it. If you can afford to hire a babysitter on occasion do it and get a few hours of "me time" or "couple time"
There's just no magic answer so you need to start from a place of knowing and accepting that. Next, accept that life is all about peaks and valleys. You will have days, weeks, even months of feeling like everything is off and you're achieving anything on any front and then there will be days, weeks, even months where you feel like you're super woman and wow, look at how I'm handling all this!
For me, changing my expectations and deciding what's really important to me made a big difference. Clean house? Important, yes, but not so important that I'm cleaning it every night. It's okay for stuff to get dusty and the mail to pile up and since I don't want to spend my weekends cleaning we hired a cleaning lady to come every other week. I don't make dinner every night and when I do it tends to be quick cooking things/crockpot or freezer meals. The kids don't need a bath every night but they do need to be read books every night. Laundry gets done once a week. I get a lot of stuff delivered to the house to reduce my need to go out and shop. After the kids are in bed that's my time and I try not to spend it doing chore type stuff because that way I feel as though I really get a little time off each day and I don't feel guilty about it.
Routines also really help. That's harder with babies as their routines change quite often but at some point that evens out and once the kids are older I establish set things that always get done. They hang their coats on the coat tree, they put their backpacks in their cubes, shoes go on the bottom stair, lunch boxes on the counter, they clean off the table when they're done eating, they clean up the playroom before bed, they put away their laundry, etc. That really helps to keep a little bit of order and keeps me from having to do everything.
Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12
Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
This Cluttered Life
I don't know how flexible your job is but if possible, try and work from home one day a week. It's amazing how having that one day where you are alone in a quiet house, saves your sanity. And it helps you get a head start on chores like laundry which are quick but difficult to find time for when all the kids are around.
And try and schedule mental health days once in a while where you take the day off from work but keep the kids in day care etc. just so you can get a break. And don't be so hard on yourself! You don't have to be perfect in every aspect of your life.
Henry Cavill...You're welcome!
BFP #3: EDD 1/10/13 **DS born 12/30/12!!!**
BFP #2: MC 7/2/11 @ 12 weeks
**Missing our February '12 LoveBug**
BFP #1: MMC discovered on 12/6/10
A Boy's Room
I had my two close together and I STRUGGLED from the time I went back to work at 12 weeks until 7-8 months. That was when my younger started STTN. He has still been a handful and things have just started getting 'easy' when he turned about 21 months (did I mention he was a handful).
It is a hard time, and I only had 1 baby. We are also military, so I understand. I know it doesn't help much now, but I really think things will start getting better for you in a few months. Just be honest with your DH - I know you are on the back burner right now, but I'm just trying to make it through this time. Just make it through one day at a time - focus on you, your kids, and your DH. Don't worry about house or friends or other unnecessary obligations. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise.
When I went back to work when my triplets were 1 year old I too really struggled. Looking back it took about 6-8 months to get the work and family balance down packed. So don't beat yourself up. After that was balanced I am focusing on adding in the exercise. I think you should do one small baby step at a time, once whatever it is that you are working on balancing becomes a routine, tackle the next small thing. It will all come with time.