January 2014 Moms

T&Ps for a friend...and question for NICU moms

One of my very best friends just had her twins at 34w3d which is pretty good for twins. They are both over 5 lbs and both in the NICU. Boy is doing well and should only have a week stay but the girl has an abdominal wall defect and will need a few surgeries to correct it. So if you don't mind sending some thoughts and prayers their way.

Also NICU moms - what did you find most helpful? I want to be there for her and help her out, but don't wanna be annoying. They do have family in town and have lots of friends that I'm sure will be offering the same. How can/should I help?
Thanks!

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Married June 2010.
DD born 1/13 via Csection at 41w5d after 47 hours of labor

Re: T&Ps for a friend...and question for NICU moms

  • If you're visiting her while she's in the hospital with her babies, bring her food and always bring water for her to drink. Offer to change the diaper, hold baby, feed, put away her pumped milk, or clean her pump parts for her. Make sure she takes a few minutes to go to the bathroom when she needs it and walk the halls with her to get her out of the nicu for a little bit when her babes are sleeping.

    If you're visiting her at home, again, bring meals. Offer to drive her to and from the hospital. Clean her home. Do the dishes. Basically do anything around the home you can to make it so that she can just come home and eat and shower and go to sleep.

    God bless you for wanting to truly help a nicu mama!
  • We weren't in the NICU but I was in and out of the hospital for the first month so I kinda know how it is.  In addition to what everyone said above I would add that you should think about dad too.  We have a lot of chores that needed to be done at home and animals to take care of.  MH was run ragged with taking care of the baby overnight, taking care of animals, and coming to the hoispital during the day to bring baby to me. 
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  • km_mdkm_md member
    I hope that the surgeries goes well and mom and babies go home healthy real soon!


  • I found it most helpful when people would just let me rant and ramble about what was going on. Also I loved when people would go with me to visit DS. Also if she needs a ride and you're available you could always volunteer to drive her there.

    One thing that bothered me when we were in the NICU was when people would complain about being bored and whatnot while visiting DS.

    Thoughts and prayers headed their way!
  • I was at the hospital from early in the morning until late at night so that I could feed my babies at as many feedings as possible which left me little time to eat. So she might really appreciate some food she could bring in a lunch box with her or even better if you brought her a hot lunch or dinner at the hospital. while I was in the hospital I also always appreciated someone bringing my pumped milk up to the NICU for me so I didn't have to walk all the way while recovering. Also just wanted to say, my twins were born at 34 weeks and are doing fantastic so even though this time is hard, there will come a time when its so distant she'll barely remember it. Hope the surgery and NICU stay is uneventful

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  • Yeah I would recommend bringing meals, maybe casseroles to freeze or something? We were driving back and forth a ton and it was awful. Gas card maybe?




  • No advice but will be sending positive thoughts her way
  • Yeah gas cards were helpful when DS was in the NICU! I also didn't leave to eat because I was either holding him or pumping! Bring some snacks that she can eat easily while pumping!! I did love when one of my friends brought a meatloaf with mashed potatoes, corn, and green beans and we heated it up in the cafeteria. There were also leftover for lunch at work the next day. I wasn't in love with leaving my son but it was a tasty treat! I think just going to visit-more than once-is great. I had a bunch of people visit right away but then not again for the next five months!! I know they care and they just didn't want to be a bother, but at least once in a whole would be nice!! And just visit. You don't need to change diapers for her. Most NICU moms love doing all the hands on care for their babies! At least I did!
  • Thoughts and prayers all around...so sorry for the little girl's situation.

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  • SarahA918 said:
    Yeah gas cards were helpful when DS was in the NICU! I also didn't leave to eat because I was either holding him or pumping! Bring some snacks that she can eat easily while pumping!! I did love when one of my friends brought a meatloaf with mashed potatoes, corn, and green beans and we heated it up in the cafeteria. There were also leftover for lunch at work the next day. I wasn't in love with leaving my son but it was a tasty treat! I think just going to visit-more than once-is great. I had a bunch of people visit right away but then not again for the next five months!! I know they care and they just didn't want to be a bother, but at least once in a whole would be nice!! And just visit. You don't need to change diapers for her. Most NICU moms love doing all the hands on care for their babies! At least I did!
    I agree, I wanted to do all the hands on care that I could so I wouldn't want anyone changing diapers for me. At my hospital the NICU was closed for about 1 hour between feedings so being able to sit with someone and eat a meal between feedings was nice. otherwise I just sat in the waiting room for an hour

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  • Thanks all ! This is really helpful! I just want to help her without overstepping her personal space. This gave me lots of good ideas. And if you think of anything else please add to this thread!

    image


    Married June 2010.
    DD born 1/13 via Csection at 41w5d after 47 hours of labor

  • Everyone here has amazing suggestions that I also agree with. My twins were born at 35+6 and were in special care nursery for 10 and 11 days. Getting food was a big help but it was easier to receive if it was from someone who had a key to our place that could drop it off for us since we were always back and forth to the hospital. We ate a ton of take out. Also I was so hormonal from that experience that sometimes the best thing people could do for me was to leave me alone. I got really overwhelmed by all the texts and wanting of updates. Finally after a full on meltdown after leaving my babies once again one night, DH decided we needed to not have guests for a few days and just let it be us and the babies. Your friend might not be like me (yay introvert!) but if she is just know that giving her space but also emotional support can mean the world!
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