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April 2014 Moms
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Postpartum Depression- the worst it's ever been

kwolslagerkwolslager member
in April 2014 Moms
I had PPD after all my kids. Luckily only lasting a few weeks and meds worked wonders.
But I've never felt this bad before. Been taking Zoloft since the day after delivery. It's been 3 weeks and I still feel terrible.
I feel incredibly overwhelmed and more than anything, lonely. DH is really supportive but Ive felt so distant from him since the birth. I don't want to eat and I don't want to go anywhere or do anything.
I feel so guilty because I want to be a good mom but I feel like I don't deserve my kids and I can't do right by them by feeling so miserable.
I had a over supply of pain medication that I don't need that I've been taking to get high every night while DH is at work. It makes me feel happy and functional. I'm almost out and I've been thinking of ways to get more. Idk how to tell my husband about it. I know it's a problem but I am unsure of how to stop and I'm terrified of how things will be if I do.

Is there anyone else struggling with PPD right now? How are you dealing with it?

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DD1- 2009, M/C- 2011, M/C- 2012, DD2- 2012, DD3- 2014

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Re: Postpartum Depression- the worst it's ever been

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    deidremariadeidremaria member
    edited May 2014
    I'm not struggling with ppd but I really hope you are able to talk to your husband about every thing. I'm sure since he loves you he'll be able to help you through this. I'm so sorry. This really puts things into perspective. I'll be praying for you.
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    Bluebird2318Bluebird2318 member
    I'm so sorry you're struggling. No matter what, I think the most important thing is that you reach out--to your DH, your family, your doctor. If you know there is a problem, trust that they will help you. Having someone (or better yet, multiple someones) in your corner is the very best thing you can do for yourself right now. Hugs!
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    MapleLeafMamaMapleLeafMama member
    Please talk to your doctor. Please. Self medicating with pain pills is not helping you.
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    TwirpleTwirple member
    I am so sorry you are feeling this way.  Have you talked to your OB or midwife about how your feeling?  It is good that you have Zoloft, but they may need to adjust the dosage or try a different med.  Hugs to you.
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    seannasmommy16seannasmommy16 member
    I'm dealing with PPAD. It's really hard, I've been taking Zoloft for about a week and still feel like scum. I did the same thing with my hydrocodone with the first week of being home. I hit a really really low point and realized I needed help ASAP. maybe try asking for something else or raising the dose I'm so sorry you having to deal with this again.
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    thomas930thomas930 member
    Big hugs. 

     Have you been in contact with your doctor about still feeling this way? You may need a new dose or even a different medication. You might also benefit from therapy as well. I understand the hesitation about telling your husband, I'm right there too. My anexity is out of control and its leading to depression. I knew that this was a possibility because of my past, but its so much worse this time around. I haven't had the talk with my husband yet either. I'm so afraid of disappointing him, even though that's really not reality. I really hope you speak with someone and continue to get help.
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    babym6705babym6705 member
    I think the best thing to do is be honest with your doctor. They have other things that can help with the depression and addiction.
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    Starfish+77Starfish+77 member
    I'm sorry. I too am dealing with some PPD and feel like a failure for giving up on BF at 4 weeks (was taking too much time away from my 17 mo old). Anyway, I happened to notice TODAY on the Katie Couri show the topic is new moms and PPD so I'll be tuning in! It's on ABC at 3PM EST. Hang in there momma!
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    KarenElizaKarenEliza member
    I'm so sorry! I have PPD as well. Mine is mostly manifested in constant feelings of sadness and terror. I also use my pain meds badly. I use them to blot out fear at night so I can try to sleep. You are not alone but you do need to be honest with your dh!
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    KatieKim0815KatieKim0815 member
    If I were in your shoes I would tell your husband. I think it would lift a burden and help to end the spiral. I just think the pain meds secrecy might snowball, making a bad situation worse.

    Telling him would allow you to tackle it as a team!

    GL! I don't have ppd but have suffered from anxiety for years and I think the above might help
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