Sorry for climbing in your tree fort guys, but I really need a male perspective. My husband (and father of my children) of ten years has a drinking problem. He doesn't drink every day, but when he does he can't stop. Things took a turn for the worst a couple of years ago, we fought a lot and he became a terrible person, basically. The final straw was when he went out with some partners from his firm and they got wasted and ended up in a strip club VIP room doing who knows what, and somehow blew $900. Fucking made it rain.I moved out, filed for divorce.
It took eight months of therapy and counseling and he started to change. He stopped drinking and got his life in order. I eventually moved back in and agreed to give him a second chance as long as he stayed on the straight and narrow. I had to do it for my kids. And things were perfect for a long time, he was so happy to have me back and showed it every day. We even decided to have another baby, and it happened immediately. Through my first two trimesters we kept up our very active sex life! Got freaky on the reg. Well, eventually it tapered off as I got bigger and I took it very personally. I've struggled with an eating disorder all my life and have been very self conscious. I've talked to him about it and told him how I felt and he'd get mad and tell me he was sick of me questioning whether he was still attracted to me or not.
Soooooo, the drama keeps going. He goes off to Nashville for a night about three weeks ago for a work thing and I was really worried that he'd lose control and drink again. I spoke to him that night and he said he was exhausted and was going to his room and pass out. He told me that was exactly what he did the next day, and I was so proud of him. But my super strong intuition took over hardcore and I started getting obsessive thoughts about checking his phone even though I've never done that before. I held off for three weeks, but the thoughts never went away. My gut instincts are never wrong, unfortunately. I looked through everything, and found "strip clubs near me" in his google search history. Oh fuck. When I confronted him about it of course he got angry, denied it, and made up some ridiculous story. I wasn't having it.
Eventually he confessed that he had drinks at the hotel with buddies, went to a few bars, lost control and on his way back to the hotel decided to hit up a strip club, alone. He doesn't remember much but apparently ended up in another fucking VIP room and blew $300. What the mother fucking fuck. I am devastated. I'm fat as hell and I'm having a baby in a few weeks and I can't say I've ever felt worse!
SORRY, sorry, sorry this is so long and hard to read, I'm on mobile and can't paragraph. What have I done wrong? What makes a married father do things like this? We are best friends, we get freaky all the time (normally) so, WHY? Is pregnancy that much of a turn off? Is alcoholism the ONLY thing to blame? Or is he using it an excuse? Can my marriage be saved? He seemed to feel no remorse until I confronted him about it and so far has gone to one AA meeting. He has sworn off alcohol for life, although it's only been four days.
You don't have to respond, you probably can't relate. It makes for some interesting reading anyway. But if anyone can help me understand...This little girl deserves to enter a world with a daddy who thinks her mommy is the most beautiful and valuable woman in the whole world. We are the foundation for everything she learns in life. This doesn't feel like a second chance any more.