Vow Renewal (NBR)

ChevelleRivers · May 2014

Does anyone have experience with vow renewal ceremonies? My husband and I are taking an anniversary trip next month and thought it would be nice to do a private re-commitment. (Romance has gone out the window since DD arrived and we feel like we REALLY need to work on prioritizing our marriage).

Interested to hear about what people have paid for this sort of thing, what they wore, if they had any photos taken, etc. We're not looking to do anything over the top, but also want the experience to be special / memorable. Any insight is appreciated!

JessAnnJ · May 2014

We will celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary in September so I don't think we have been married long enough to do a vow renewal ceremony yet. I think we will probably wait until our 20th.

When my sister was getting married I saw that there were a lot of people in the $200 to $250 range that would come to a park or wherever to marry you so I don't think you should pay more than that for the person doing the ceremony. I guess it depends on where you are going for your anniversary trip. If you are going to the type of place where a lot of people get married they might have vow renewal packages. I think where you are going affects attire suggestions as well.

minervacullen · May 2014

I would love to do one too! I'm thinking at 15 or 20 years, it'll be 12 in few a weeks.

I'd think a nice dress that flatters you would be plenty.
I'd call around or pop on over to the nest and see what rates are.

SingleMom31 · May 2014

When we were considering a destination wedding, I saw a lot of resorts with renewal packages. Most were a couple hundred if I'm remembering right.

I think I'd want to dress up some, but not make it look like our wedding part II. Maybe a nice dress for you and a dress shirt & khakis or a suit for DH? It kind of depends where you are too. I'm sort of envisioning a beachy type place, so maybe a linen shirt and shorts for DH?

SingleMom31 · May 2014

PS. This is what I was envisioning: https://weddings.realresorts.com/PackagesServices/Packages/#TVR

ChevelleRivers · May 2014

SingleMom31 said:
When we were considering a destination wedding, I saw a lot of resorts with renewal packages. Most were a couple hundred if I'm remembering right.

I think I'd want to dress up some, but not make it look like our wedding part II. Maybe a nice dress for you and a dress shirt & khakis or a suit for DH? It kind of depends where you are too. I'm sort of envisioning a beachy type place, so maybe a linen shirt and shorts for DH?

Yeah, I definitely want to avoid it looking like our wedding part two. Ha! I'm considering wearing a blue dress with gold shoes and some understated jewelry.

LittleFish1 · May 2014

@ChevelleRivers the outfit you were thinking of sounds lovely! I was actually just thinking yesterday that if we ever went back to Hawaii, would want to go back to Fern Grotto to renew vows. We went there on a tour before we got married with family & they did an unofficial "Hawaiian ceremony" for all the people on the tour who wanted to participate. (nothing fancy or big, but still remember it with a smile). Because of your post, looked up Fern Frotto & evidently the grotto was closed due to erosion & redesigned with an observation deck. Not sure if that would be similar enough for me though. I really liked the sense of being surrounded by nature and how the sound echoed and the rain forest & rock setting.

Would consider Olympic Rainforest in WA state, or a clearing in a redwood forest around me.....some place that has ferns, maybe in the woods or outdoors and is cooler. Wouldn't want to be in the hot sun though & would want something simple (not complicated nor long vows). Maybe repeat the vows we initially made if could find the print out from when we first married. Was thinling that I'd like LO there though since we're a "bigger" family of 3 now.

ChevelleRivers · May 2014

Thank you all for your insight! I really appreciate it!

We've actually only been married for three years and I would never have envisioned us renewing our vows so early... But, both of us agree that our original wedding ceremony was overly formal (for us) and more about our family than ourselves. We want an opportunity to write our own vows and make tangible commitments to one another that we can hold ourselves to going foward. We've gotten so out of touch with our relationship since DD arrived. We've been living more like roommates than husband and wife and we feel like we need to do something drastic to get ourselves back on track. People always tell you marriage is hard but I don't think I had a clue how tough it could get until a child entered the picture. Game changer to the max. I'm sad that we're at this point but glad that we both want to work through it and make new promises to each other!

JessAnnJ · May 2014

I think it's great that you guys want to renew your commitment, but I think you can also start working on the other stuff right away too. I think it's easy to get caught up in ourselves and our child and forget about our marriage. We lost track for a bit and one thing I started to focus on was increasing my affection. I noticed that I was kissing and hugging DD all day but not DH. Asking him about his day thanking him for the little things he does also goes a long way. I will also occasionally buy a card where I write down all of the things I am thankful for and love about him and leave it in his car or someplace else where he can find it. Foot rubs, back rubs, or a special dinner after DD goes to bed are other ways to reconnect. One thing I try to remember is that not only does DD see who we are as parents, but she also sees who we are as a couple and it's important not to put that on a back burner and focus solely on her.

ChevelleRivers · May 2014

JessAnnJ said:
I think it's great that you guys want to renew your commitment, but I think you can also start working on the other stuff right away too. I think it's easy to get caught up in ourselves and our child and forget about our marriage. We lost track for a bit and one thing I started to focus on was increasing my affection. I noticed that I was kissing and hugging DD all day but not DH. Asking him about his day thanking him for the little things he does also goes a long way. I will also occasionally buy a card where I write down all of the things I am thankful for and love about him and leave it in his car or someplace else where he can find it. Foot rubs, back rubs, or a special dinner after DD goes to bed are other ways to reconnect. One thing I try to remember is that not only does DD see who we are as parents, but she also sees who we are as a couple and it's important not to put that on a back burner and focus solely on her.

Yes! I just heard some study results that said that parents modeling a truly loving relationship is a greater indicator of a child's future happiness than the level of parental involvement (i.e. How many soccer games you attend, etc.) is.

Last night DH and I had a nice dinner after DD was in bed... Actually sat at the dining room table, lit candles, etc. like we used to do before DD. Honestly the first half hour was tough. We didn't really have much to talk about. BUT, we pushed through that time (which I think was really just us disengaging from mommy/daddy roles) and all of the sudden we were taking and connecting like we used to. The feelings are still there (thank god) we just haven't been prioritizing them.

I know that, moving forward, maintaining a healthy, loving relationship is going to take work. (I think that concept is something I paid lip service to before but wasn't actually living out.)

I feel a weird mix of emotions about the whole thing... Part of me is deeply saddened we let our relationship go to this extent, but the other part of me is relieved the feelings are still there and excited to rekindle our relationship.

PS: I think your card idea is great!!

JessAnnJ · May 2014

@ChevelleRivers‌ don't feel bad. I don't think many people talk about it IRL but I think it's pretty common to have these issues. We are all trying to figure out our new identity as parents. I think now that you've recognized there is a problem you will see things getting better. For me it took DH telling me that he felt I was taking him for granted for us to sit down and talk about what was going on. Once we acknowledged the problem things improved dramatically.

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