knowing when to stop TTC

owlprof · April 2014

Hello ladies,

I used to be a regular around these parts, but I really never made the switch to the new format (which I know is now over a year old -- I'm not good with change). I am wrapping up my third IVF -- got the call of a very low beta yesterday (only 27 9dp6dt). My RE doesn't expect this to end well. We have already spent way more on IF treatments than I would have ever imagined (more than my annual salary). We are burning through our savings, and the emotional toll is great. I am 39, and time is not on my side. I have no diagnosis other than I am old (decent FSH, but very low AMH). Yet I am still thinking about doing yet another cycle.

Are any of you struggling with whether or not to continue with treatments? What are your thoughts on when you will say enough is enough? (Donor egg/embryos are not an option for us).

Mrs.McIrish · April 2014

You know I struggled with this. While my situation was different in that my FSH was sky high-we really had no hope of my eggs working-- then couldn't get DE to work either. I always felt I'd "know" when it was enough. We quit for 7 months and came back. I think it is hard to stop whe you have a positive beta-- you are so close, you know? Maybe the next one is the one-- it's a numbers game at 39. How many embryos in total have you transferred back? Have you has a repeated loss panel (even without repeated loss). I feel like lovenox made the difference here but I was pissed we didn't know to use it prior to this. Sending T&Ps for your low beta.

BeckyP005 · April 2014

Oh Owlprof... I am so sorry. You know I jumped straight into DE's and never did my own eggs so I don't have any advice based on my situation. It makes me angry that money has to play a part in all of this.

Sending you lots of love and hugs

Praying hard for a rise on your beta....

owlprof · April 2014

Thanks, ladies. I kind of thought that I would know. And I thought this would be the end -- regardless of outcome, but in the back of my mind, I think, well, maybe one more. I just worry I will end up like someone addicted to plastic surgery, where I go back and keep trying one more time. I've transferred 8 embryos total. I haven't done the repeated loss panel, maybe that is the next step.

It is that awful catch-22, where I would pay anything if it works, but for the cost of all of these failed cycles, I could have had a really nice vacation, instead of just burning money. Ugh.

bowenmom · April 2014

I don't have any experience with IVF, but I did want to just show some support.
Keep praying, and you're in no way "old".
Praying for you and your husband and sending lots of love and hugs your way.

PrivateOne · April 2014

I know exactly how you feel. At 44 I wonder these things as well and pretty much all the time. In reality though, I'm just not ready to throw in the towel. The money is staggering, however some how it just doesn't seem to matter to me. I'm probably crazy for thinking like that. I hope you can find some peace and make the right choice for yourself. This is such an awful journey to be on and we all can relate. Sorry I'm not offering much, it's just I have not been able to know those answers for myself yet either.

Take care!

danieleandwayne · April 2014

** CHILD MENTIONED**

I got lucky so didn't end up having to think about these things.

HOWEVER, I wanted to say this: a) my sister's beta with her son was so low they all told her she wasn't even pregnant! (Negative beta, positive HPTs) and she conceived him naturally. He is now 7 years old.

My betas were low (I think my first beta was at 10 DPO and it was 18); my dd is now almost 11 months old. C) My SIL's betas with her first child (IVF) at age 41 were all low; her dd is now 6 yrs old. D) A doctor I worked with-- and his wife, obviously-- went through 6 IVFs before they were successful. E) My SIL and brother went directly to IVF for their 2nd child (SIL was now 43) and it failed-- and then they conceived naturally. So you never know.

If you feel like you still have a chance and it feels right, then I say keep going.

Mommalawyer · April 2014

Yeah, I don't know the answer to this either. I know that my line with "how far I will go" has changed. Originally it was no fertility treatment. Then it was only medication and timed IUI. Then it changed from medication and IUI, but no IVF. I had a BFN on my first IUI and now the line has been extended to consider IVF. You have to do what makes you comfortable and think about if you can look back and not regret decisions that you have made. But I wish you luck!

Radiantly · April 2014

Hey @mommalawyer, my anniversary is almost the same as you!! We were married July 20, 2013! And we started trying on honeymoon. Actually it was just going by CM for a while, but as my siggy says I started charting around Thanksgiving. As of now I have yet to go to an RE or do any testing whatsoever. But have an appt with my gyno for 2 weeks from now to get started i guess.

URMySunshine77 · April 2014

Hi. I don't have any advice but I just want to lend my support and a hug. I hope that your heart finds the right decision and that you feel at peace.

CaraH · April 2014

@owlprof‌ I'm so sorry. I am struggling to find that line myself, though we're a bit earlier in the process. We're on our third IUI, and I'm wondering if we should try IVF. I was originally scared of IVF and didn't think the increased risks were worth it in our position. But, my RE had reassuring things to say about IVF stats if we do a frozen transfer, and I think I could do it. It was always on the table for MH,sooo. When do we stop IUI and try it? And if one IVF doesn't do it? The RE can't see any reason IUI isn't working, so whose to say IVF will be any different? And these are the things we obsess over, aren't they? I'm not even officially out yet this cycle and yet here I am.

Lesliem0901 · April 2014

To add my two cents...I personally found myself obsessing over the costs last year when my insurance ran out (it covered one IUI). Each office visit, blood draw and injection would make me start calculating the costs and I'd feel sick to my stomach. I finally took a break in October to mentally and physically refocus myself. I believe it helped me to restart 2014 with a come completely different state of mind. I was so confident my 3rd IUI in Feb would've resulted in a BFP. Well, it didn't. I assumed the March IUI wouldn't work so I had the consultation to move to IVF. Lo and behold, I ended up with a BFP. Unfortunately it ended up being a MMC at six weeks but now I'm more determined than ever to do and spend whatever it takes to make this happen. Along with seeing the RE, I'm going to make appointments with an Accupuncturist that specializes in infertity and a homeopathic doc. I figure I'll give it two more years, max out credit cards and subject myself to pokes, prods, heartbreak and hope. Whatever you decide to do, don't second guess your decision. Miracles happen. T&Ps go out to all of you. ((Hugs))

mindaa · April 2014

Sorry you are going through this. You are definitely not alone. I'm ready to say enough is enough... even though my situation is a little different in that we have no plans to pursue even IUI. (a decision that creates it's own set of crazies as I 2nd guess my decision to have kids in the first place if I'm not willing to "do whatever it takes.")

Anyway, I really only mention that to say that finances aren't even part of the equation for me and I'm still done. Done with 2+ years of hoping and being this sad, emotional, guarded person I've become. I'm getting to where I'm losing my excitement about getting a BFP because I'll be so afraid of loss (I don't trust my body any more), I'm not even looking forward to announcing it any more, and the awkward questions about my age and how long we've been TTC.

I'm ready to finish grieving and move on to either CF or adoption. But DH, who has been a couple steps "behind" since we started TTC, isn't ready to have that conversation yet. So, I'm hanging onto his hope for however long it takes for him to catch up. And continue to say a prayer for all of us that we will get our miracle - you are right @LeslieM, they do happen!

owlprof · April 2014

Thanks to everyone for sharing their thoughts. I wish everyone the best, and I am sorry that this is all so hard for many of us. Hugs all around!

PS: good to see you back in these parts, Daniele!

BeckyP005 · May 2014

@owlprof‌ ygpm

PPL2011 · May 2014

This is a rough road for all of us. I'm sorry and send you a big virtual hug!

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