Inlaws

CherylB1201 · May 2014

What to do with them?? I absolutely adore my husband's father and his side of the family (his parents are divorced). His mother is batshit crazy and if I never saw her again, I'd probably be ok with it. She has serious boundary issues (like randomly crawling in bed with people and spooning them...I've been the subject several times), she's a drunk and she'll do a line of anything she can get ahold of.

She will not be babysitting and truthfully I don't even want her touching the baby, but I doubt I'll get my way there. I know that if she comes to the hospital it will stress me out. My three prior labors have all been positive experiences and I've had the babies quickly, but since my last child, I've had two spinal fusions and there's concerns about pain management now. I don't want to be a twit, but how do I break it to H that I don't want her there?? She totally the type that will bust in during the pushing and come give me a hug. Do you think it would be mean for me to just talk to his sister (behind H's back) and have her make sure mom doesn't make it to the hospital?

fisk2005 · May 2014

Maybe you can express that remaining calm and stress free is important to you. And unfortunately she escalates your stress and anxiety. So you are requesting that she not be present until after delivery or discharge. I don't think it would be mean talking to his sister but it will probably create unnecessary conflict and stress which you don't need. You don't want him to feel like it was a secret your best bet is to tell him how you feel. It's not about what you say it's how you say it!
Good luck!!

heatherjeanp · May 2014

Put in your birthing plan that only your husband (and maybe one other special person) are to be in the birthing room. Everyone else can wait outside.if she's never been in the room for your births, it shouldn't be suspicious that she isn't next time. It's your lady parts - don't feel bad . You then shouldn't even have to single her out specifically .

narabug · May 2014

Are you planning on having other people there during delivery? I think the answer to that will impact how you should handle it. If you want it only you and DH it should be much easier to ask him to relay that ahead of time and just not tell anyone you're at the hospital until it would be too late for her to show up in the middle. If you're planning to have your mom or someone else there too I agree with @fisk2005 about having a calm conversation about how having her there would stress you out and you don't want that during labor and see how your DH reacts.

CherylB1201 · May 2014

Thanks ladies. It will be just DH and I in the delivery room. I should clarify that my older children are from my previous marriage. This is DH's first child and I'm sure he will be super excited to have his family at the hospital. I don't want to cause family drama, but I don't want to put my comfort on the back burner either. I've brought it up to him in a round about way, but he's kind of brushed it off like "it's my mom... I don't really have a choice".

lrobi13 · May 2014

That is a toughie. My stepmom is gonna be the one I have to watch. She has been really great during my pregnancy but she has done some shady things in the past. Our hospital has strict limits on how many people can be in the l&d room so I'm just gonna blame them!

But I think just having a talk with DH about your concerns about the pain and request that you guys limit guests while you are laboring.

Best of luck and I hope it goes just as smoothly as your others!

Jeffreysmom24 · May 2014

I would talk to DH and let him handle it from there. I was the same way when I delivered Jeffrey - I only wanted DH there and we didnt tell family to come until the next day. Good luck!

MrsL2B · May 2014

I think it would be perfectly fine to tell her that due to your spinal/pain issues, you and your doctor have decided that access to the delivery room will be limited to only those deemed medically necessary.

Liss1481 · May 2014

Even if family has to be at the hospital while you're laboring, there's nothing wrong with only having DH in the room with you - you can even blame the hospital rules if you want to. My in-laws were at the hospital for DS, but they waited outside in the lobby the whole time. We didn't see anyone until almost an hour after delivery when we finally gave the OK for them to come in.

Maybe remind DH that obviously it's his baby too, but that you're the one going through the actual pain/stess/having all your lady parts on display. You should get to make the call on who is allowed in the room or not.

IrishHoney123 · May 2014

I love my MIL and I still insisted on only DH in the delivery room. It's your preference, and if you don't want her to visit until a certain time I think you and DH should make it very clear to her when and for how long she can visit. Or delay notifying her side of the fam until baby is here?

BreandMikewedding · May 2014

I would tell h that you don't want anyone at the hospital during the labor process. I would also talk to the nurses and tell them you don't want anyone in the room other than h. They legally have to enforce this since you are the patient. With my dd (from a previous relationship) my ex's mom was kind of like this and she wouldn't leave me alone at the hospital. I told the nurses and they wouldn't let her come in my room. I don't know the set-up at the hospital you are delivering at, but at the one I'm going to visitors must be buzzed in to the delivery and post partum area. Good luck! Stand your ground!

Emerald27 · May 2014

You are the one giving birth and ultimately can decide who goes on your guest list. If you tell the hospital that she is not allowed to visit, they will run interference for you, and will not let her in. They won't say "she doesn't want to see YOU", but might say that no visitors are being permitted at that time.

A compromise would be to tell DH that you don't want any in-hospital visitors. That way, there's no feeling that one grandparent got to see LO but the others didn't.

angeltennis3 · May 2014

I actually just had this conversation with my mom. She wanted to wait at the hospital during labor. I said she could do whatever he wanted, but DH and I weren't letting anyone into the maternity wing (they have to be escorted) until we were ready. Since it is our child, we want some special bonding time with the baby before we start sharing with family. She respected that decision.

Even if they wanted to come to my room during labor, they couldn't. All visitors are required to be escorted to my room by either DH or a nurse. The door to the maternity ward had a keypad you have to know the code to enter. Check to see if your hospital has a similar layout and this may not even be an issue.

Saragoeswest · May 2014

I'd emphasize the pain management thing and say in order to maintain a stress free environment, visitors are not allowed in until x.

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