SIL pregnancy drama-am I being irrational?

anna147 · May 2014

So apparently my SIL just found out she is 4 weeks pregnant. I announced my pregnancy (at 14 weeks) on Tuesday. She is telling people now. Like 4 days later. It is her first pregnancy, my third, but the second was a miscarriage and we never announced it because we found out before their wedding and miscarried shortly after and didn't want to steal their wedding thunder. So if your 4 weeks along SIL told people about her pregnancy 4 days after you finally announced yours would you bit a bit annoyed or am I letting my other issues with her cloud my feelings on this issue? Also we didn't post anything on Facebook yet, so really we haven't fully announced to everyone, but now I'm so put off that I don't even really care to.

anna147 · May 2014

Sigh, I think that's probably true. Well, at least she's given me lots of time to get used to the idea before all the babies arrive!

JessAnnJ · May 2014

Grace0609 said:
I think you are letting other issues impact your feelings about this.

This. She is basically announcing immediately upon finding out because she is excited. Not everyone waits. I've known multiple people that have announced that early.

BreandMikewedding · May 2014

A lot of people don't realize that things can happen and announce very early. She's probably just excited.

Sofia2529 · May 2014

Grace0609 said:
I think you are letting other issues impact your feelings about this.

I agree.

Four weeks may be too early for some but, others are eager to share the news immediately. It all boils down to what the person is comfortable with. As others have mentioned, try focusing on the fun your LO will have growing up with a cousin so close in age.

kaniela17 · May 2014

I agree maybe she's just really excited but then again some people just really love attention. My SIL is three months farther along then me. I told her only when I found out about my pregnancy but it was only because we were just talking about my miscarriage a few days earlier and how we were trying again. I waited to tell everyone else cuz I thought what you did, maybe I'd be taking attention away from her and for the obvious, I wanted to make sure this baby stuck around. I guess don't make a big deal about it unless she does.

anna147 · May 2014

Thanks ladies, some of the history that I think is effecting my feelings here is that we work together, for my MIL, and so there's a lot of competition there. I keep trying to find my own role in the business and she keeps trying to do whatever I try to do. She even asked what age I was when my son was born and then said oh ok, so if I get pregnant around this time then I will be on track. But again, I'm sadly aware of my issues with her and am trying to just get over it and focus on my own life and babies! Geeez just get over it right?!

Saragoeswest · May 2014

I think your feelings of annoyance/disappointment are valid. Even if she didn't do anything morally wrong, it's okay for you to feel the way you do. I would be bummed, too. Chin up and focus on what's important.

MrsMac613 · May 2014

I think she is well within her right to announce when she wants to. However like you I would be a little annoyed. Four days is so little time. I am like you and am always cautious about stealing someone's thunder so I would be irritated if u felt someone was stealing mine. If I were you I certainly wouldn't make a big deal out if it though because it is a special time for both of you and you don't want to cloud that with negative feelings. This could be an opportunity for you two to become close.

LaDyBostonRN · May 2014

I don't judge when people announce anymore because honestly, who made this rule that you can't, she's excited and it's her life. For my last pregnancy I announced really early with my family because it was Christmas and the "perfect time"but that ended in a miscarriage and honestly I wouldn't take it back even though it ended badly. Others may go through it and wish they hadn't but they live and learn.

About her announcing close to you …. I feel like you know there is some underlying spite there. If that is the case, then I would be annoyed too. But, if she was just super excited to be pregnant with her SIL and just wanted you and everyone to know so you two could share it, then that is different. Depends on the situation.

Also, unless people are dumb, they will RECOGNIZE that you are also pregnant but further along at 14 weeks, and you also JUST announced your own pregnancy. They will see her decision to tell people so close and so early and make their own judgements, which if she is known to be a "one-upper", may be the same judgements as yours

>-

IrishHoney123 · May 2014

I understand the annoyance. My SIL announced super early when I was waiting to tell-I think I was just jealous at their confidence in telling the world so early and I felt I had to hold back. I guess we all have different comfort levels...

NOW I'm jealous because SIL found out they are having a girl early (electively) and we are waiting for the old fashioned 20 week anatomy scan!

aander6 · May 2014

I agree with everyone else you get to announce whenever you want. I know a lot of people wait but we announced after we saw a heartbeat at just 6 weeks(ish) to our family and close friends because we were excited and would want them to know if something went wrong. Also from what you said about your SIL asking you when you got pregnant and saying she is on track and trying to follow in your footsteps somewhat at work it kinda sounds to me like she may really look up to you and think you are really doing things the right way.

I get being annoyed I honestly probably would be as well but having babies close in age is so much fun!! DD has a cousin 12 days younger we were due the same day so I know all about sharing the spotlight but I loved that we were pregnant together.

lrobi13 · May 2014

Just focus on that your kids will have cousins close in age. That is one thing mine won't have and it makes me sad. Some people announce early because they are so excited. I hope that over time there is less competition between you guys.

Ps. I don't and haven't work with family so that is a whole different dynamic to deal with.

ladybug0088 · May 2014

I think she is probably just really excited. We waited until 13 weeks to announce to everyone because we wanted everything to go smoothly and make sure LO was healthy. Apparently, that is unheard of anymore. All my colleagues couldn't believe I didn't announce sooner...

I do think her timing is tacky since she knows you just announced yours..sorry.

aander6 · May 2014

theresat858 said:

If she's naive enough to announce that early, that's her problem, not yours.

Naive enough? Some people don't have a problem with announcing early because they also do not have a problem with people knowing if things did not go right. It doesn't make them naive it means they have a different comfort level with sharing personal things then you.

golfingdarwinfish · May 2014

aander6 said:

theresat858 said:

If she's naive enough to announce that early, that's her problem, not yours.

Naive enough? Some people don't have a problem with announcing early because they also do not have a problem with people knowing if things did not go right. It doesn't make them naive it means they have a different comfort level with sharing personal things then you.

I don't agree with the naive comment from OP as I believe sharing is a personal choice, but do have a comment regarding the bolded. Not trying to be argumentative, just a slightly different perspective.

We are not sharing until 20 weeks (and possibly viability), not because we have a different comfort level sharing personal things, or because we have a problem with people knowing if things do not go right. It's because when we had to terminate for medical reasons at ~20 weeks in August not only did it kill us, all of the hopes and dreams our parents had for their future grandchild died also. I refuse to watch those I love dearly build up hope only to once again be devastated. I will play damage control as long as possible.

Yes, I understand that obviously after 20 weeks something can still go wrong, but at some point I can't hide from our families.

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