Mad At OB - A Major Venting Session Awaits You

Babykin · May 2014

So, I just came home from my 16 wk check at my OB. I knew it was coming when she asked, oh so casually, about the weight I gained during my first pregnancy..the lecture on how much weight is "healthy" to put on. We all know the figures, so it's not like I need to be reminded. Anyway, I gained 62 lbs with my son, which put me right at 199 lbs when he was born. I was fortunate enough to lose it all and then some within 4 or 5 months. The issue I have with my OB is that while I know it's her job to watch out for my health and my baby's, I think it is counterproductive to harp on this topic. I was obsessed with my weight first time around, and it didn't do any good. This time, with a toddler in tow, I really felt like I've been doing a good job, walks almost every day, eating small portions, etc. my doctor gave me that look like "sure you are." Btw I'm 16 weeks and gained about 15 lbs. The next thing I know, she personally schedules an apt with a nutritionist for me, and I leave the office in tears. I feel like I'm just a gal that gains a lot of weight during pregnancy...I have low blood pressure, no gestational diabetic history, and my son was born a normal size. I feel like I should cancel this appointment with the nutritionist because I'll just feel worse about myself. Thoughts? And feel free to vent right back at me...sorry this was so long, I just had to get it off my chest!!

allrightmeow · May 2014

Nicb13 said:

Hmmm, I think it's odd that she scheduled that without you saying you wanted it but I wouldn't be mad at her. Honestly, I think she might just be doing her job, but you already have some body image/weight gain issues so you are projecting those on her and perhaps being defensive? Maybe?
I don't see the harm in meeting with a nutritionist personally. If you could benefit from it and maybe gain less then wouldn't you want to to do that?

This. I think she's just doing her job. I guess I look at it like, if weight gain or loss didn't matter, they wouldn't waste time checking it at every appointment. I've had girlfriends who were on both ends of the spectrum. One lost a ton of weigh and had to be on medications and had extra monitoring, one gained so much her doctor was concerned. Maybe the nutritionist can offer some helpful advice.

cMichelle0423 · May 2014

Babykin said:
So, I just came home from my 16 wk check at my OB. I knew it was coming when she asked, oh so casually, about the weight I gained during my first pregnancy..the lecture on how much weight is "healthy" to put on. We all know the figures, so it's not like I need to be reminded. Anyway, I gained 62 lbs with my son, which put me right at 199 lbs when he was born. I was fortunate enough to lose it all and then some within 4 or 5 months.
The issue I have with my OB is that while I know it's her job to watch out for my health and my baby's, I think it is counterproductive to harp on this topic. I was obsessed with my weight first time around, and it didn't do any good. This time, with a toddler in tow, I really felt like I've been doing a good job, walks almost every day, eating small portions, etc. my doctor gave me that look like "sure you are." Btw I'm 16 weeks and gained about 15 lbs. The next thing I know, she personally schedules an apt with a nutritionist for me, and I leave the office in tears. I feel like I'm just a gal that gains a lot of weight during pregnancy...I have low blood pressure, no gestational diabetic history, and my son was born a normal size. I feel like I should cancel this appointment with the nutritionist because I'll just feel worse about myself. Thoughts? And feel free to vent right back at me...sorry this was so long, I just had to get it off my chest!!

QFP

laurenita8 · May 2014

I don't like that. I go to the doctor for advice not to be treated like a child. I would skip the nutritionist if you don't want to go, it doesn't even sound like you've gained so much this time around.

Babykin · May 2014

Yeah, I respect her doing her job, but what gets me is that honestly, I don't feel there is much I can do differently. When I cook my meals (I.e. Don't eat fast food, take out, or processed crap), am active, eat modest/well balanced portions. I feel like the doc just dismissed this and the fact that, despite my weight gain the first time, I was healthy. Btw, not to be totally catty (blame it on the hormones) but I find it difficult to take the advice of someone who is overweight herself and doesn't have a pregnancy to blame it on (yep, I went there). ....just trying to be real here. I'm sensitive about weight issues in this case, but only because I know my behavior and I don't like someone implying I'm doing something to harm my baby. Perhaps there is another reason for the extra lbs other than food? Thanks for the feedback, though : )

Emerald27 · May 2014

62lbs is above average but not unheard of. Some women gain more weight during pregnancy and do so safely. You also lost the weight from your last pregnancy in record time...most moms return to a healthy weight between 9 and 12 months postpartum.

If you already eat a healthy diet and are really getting some exercise, taking good care of yourself and staying hydrated, I would just think that this is how your body handles pregnancy.

peanutbuttervibes · May 2014

Babykin said:
Yeah, I respect her doing her job, but what gets me is that honestly, I don't feel there is much I can do differently. When I cook my meals (I.e. Don't eat fast food, take out, or processed crap), am active, eat modest/well balanced portions. I feel like the doc just dismissed this and the fact that, despite my weight gain the first time, I was healthy. Btw, not to be totally catty (blame it on the hormones) but I find it difficult to take the advice of someone who is overweight herself and doesn't have a pregnancy to blame it on (yep, I went there). ....just trying to be real here. I'm sensitive about weight issues in this case, but only because I know my behavior and I don't like someone implying I'm doing something to harm my baby. Perhaps there is another reason for the extra lbs other than food? Thanks for the feedback, though : )

You have no idea why she is overweight so you probably shouldn't go there... I get that you're upset but what your doctor weighs should have nothing to do with it.

MrsLaLaBug · May 2014

Along the same lines as you, I gained almost 80 with my DD. Lost 75. OB and I did discuss it a couple times because I also was worried with it first time around. Also like you, I was walking daily and ate healthier than I ever had in my life - even cutting out cokes, eating fast food sparingly(who doesn't want allll the fast food while pregnant), and limiting the sweets(bc let's face it, you're weird if you're pregnant and stop eating ice cream and such altogether). And I still gained the weight. Like PP's have said, every pregnancy is different and I truly believe that was how my body handled that pregnancy, or I wouldn't have returned to pre-preg size in a normal amount of time.
I'm currently 21 weeks and have gained around 30 already. Similar to last preg minus about 15lbs at this point. Both pregnancies my blood pressure has been totes normal and no GD issues, same as you. So yeah, I'm with you on feeling like a gal who just gains a lot of weight during pregnancy, too. High-five, mama. You keep on doing what you're doing and keep up the healthy habits. If you don't want to see the nutritionist, that's your choice. If you decide to, I'd reiterate everything you have stated here about your habits. It's not always about food... Hormones, genetics, etc also play a role in pregnancy weight gain. Good luck!

Alpinator · May 2014

IMO, the important question to ask in order to decide whether or not to keep the appointment with the nutritionist is this: Do you believe that the nutritionist may be able to provide new information and guidance about how to manage your physical health during this pregnancy? If yes, then I'd say keep the appointment (and try not to let your feelings, re: the OB's attitude or the fact that she may have overstepped by making the appointment without consulting you, get in the way of a useful educational opportunity). If no, and you already feel confident that you have a solid understanding of nutritional and activity needs during pregnancy, then I'd say don't waste your time.

I absolutely sympathize with feeling frustrated with medical professionals, but (and its easy for me to say, not being in the middle of it

try not to let emotions guide your decision.

PS: re: the comment that it is "weird" if someone stops eating ice cream and other sweets during pregnancy - actually, I haven't been able to tolerate sugary foods at all since becoming pregnant. Total aversion to sweets. Guess that makes me weird, but meh - I think every pregnancy is probably a little different.

persephonerose · May 2014

Babykin said:

Yeah, I respect her doing her job, but what gets me is that honestly, I don't feel there is much I can do differently. When I cook my meals (I.e. Don't eat fast food, take out, or processed crap), am active, eat modest/well balanced portions. I feel like the doc just dismissed this and the fact that, despite my weight gain the first time, I was healthy. Btw, not to be totally catty (blame it on the hormones) but I find it difficult to take the advice of someone who is overweight herself and doesn't have a pregnancy to blame it on (yep, I went there). ....just trying to be real here. I'm sensitive about weight issues in this case, but only because I know my behavior and I don't like someone implying I'm doing something to harm my baby. Perhaps there is another reason for the extra lbs other than food? Thanks for the feedback, though : )

What do you think that other reason could be? You have an invisible alien sitting on you when you get weighed? Weight does not just magically appear for no reason. If your doctor examined you and did not find any OTHER reason for weight gain then the culprit is probably too many calories and not enough exercise. While you might think you are eating healthy, you are not a licensed nutritionist and unless you count calories at every meal and calculate calories burned from every exercise/walk session you have no idea if that is true.

Unknown · May 2014

This content has been removed.

hazelrora · May 2014

Doctors are there to help you have a healthy pregnancy. I'm sure she wasn't trying to offend you by referring you to a nutritionist; she's just doing her job. I would go to the appointment and look at it as a positive opportunity to improve your health. Also it's beyond shitty of you to comment on her weight in such a nasty way. Blaming hormones isn't cool either.

LightBright515 · May 2014

You have nothing to lose by going to the appointment.

Sometimes what is healthy to you because it's better than where you started isn't always the best.

amyshiva · May 2014

I gained 65 lbs with my first baby- ate healthy, exercised, didn't have a huge baby and no concerns during pregnancy. Medicine looks at numbers and trends and takes a very scientific approach to something that is so natural and unique for each person. You deserve to have care that makes you feel comfortable, nurtured and supported during pregnancy and is guided by what your priorities and concerns are- Not make you feel bad about yourself. It is not a doctor's job to make a referral without consulting you or having your permission. I am pregnant for the 2nd time and am noticing the same pattern emerging with weight gain. I am trying to accept and embrace it as what my body does, and needs to do when it's pregnant. I know other women who are perfectly healthy and gained a lot of weight during pregnancy. It varies person to person. I am lucky to have a midwife - very different approach than a doctor. Good luck!

kirstynikole · May 2014

I say go to the nutritionist.. Not because I think your weight gain isn't right but because she does specialize in nutrition and don't we all want the best advice possible for our LOs? That being said if you go and the doctor says that everything you're doing and eating seems to be right on track then perhaps she can push you in the right direction for further testing or diagnostics if she feels concerned. I agree that each woman is different and so is each pregnancy so I don't always believe in the "averages" and "norms".. In the end go with what feels right to you but try to stay positive that these doctors are all just trying to do their job and cover all of their bases to be safe!

Ju111310 · May 2014

As a healthcare provider myself and an emotional pregnant woman I see both sides of the situation. But it is her legal reponsibility to address any and all possible risks during your pregnancy. Excessive maternal weight gain is the number 1 risk factor for large-for-gestational-age babies which puts you and baby at risk for complications during labor & delivery. She's just covering all the bases to provide you the best care possible. I'd go see the nutritionist and see what she has to say. Even if she doesn't tell you anything new, it can't hurt to have a little refresher course on healthy lifestyle modifications.

allrightmeow · May 2014

amyshiva said:

I gained 65 lbs with my first baby- ate healthy, exercised, didn't have a huge baby and no concerns during pregnancy. Medicine looks at numbers and trends and takes a very scientific approach to something that is so natural and unique for each person. You deserve to have care that makes you feel comfortable, nurtured and supported during pregnancy and is guided by what your priorities and concerns are- Not make you feel bad about yourself. It is not a doctor's job to make a referral without consulting you or having your permission. I am pregnant for the 2nd time and am noticing the same pattern emerging with weight gain. I am trying to accept and embrace it as what my body does, and needs to do when it's pregnant. I know other women who are perfectly healthy and gained a lot of weight during pregnancy. It varies person to person. I am lucky to have a midwife - very different approach than a doctor. Good luck!

OP has said already that she has body image issues. She's letting those get in the way and taking this way personal. If something happened to her or the baby because of the weight gain that the OB clearly has a concern about, OP would want her head on a stick. The OB is looking out for you and your baby. She didn't spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on schooling just to put herself in a position to make other women... feel bad about themselves.

ss265 · May 2014

Compared to what you gained with your first pregnancy, 15lbs at 16 weeks may not seem a lot. But compared to what most women are supposed to gain (25lbs to 35lbs total), 15lbs at 16 weeks does seem like a lot. Which is likely why she made the appointment for you with a nutritionist. High weight gain early on does put you at risk for GD in which case you would have to see a nutritionist anyway. I think you are letting your weight issues cloud your judgment here.

FWIW, I put on almost 20lbs in 1st and 2nd tri with DS1, did have GD and only gained 25lbs total. He was average size at 7lbs 3ozs and had no sugar issues at all. With this LO, I had already gained 11lbs at 16 weeks and would not have been offended if my OB had referred me to a nutritionist. I trust her judgment and that she wants what is best for me and my baby.

mamatobe1235 · May 2014

As other ladies have said, your ob was doing her job. You have nothing to lose by seeing the nutritionist. My first ob told me I was "getting too fat" and needed to "cut back on the twinkies" (i had gained 6lbs after losing 11 in the first tri) I told her if it was medically relevant she could talk about my weight, if not then she could shove it. All yours did was try to make sure you have all the information you can get so you don't reach an *unhealthy weight. Relax a little.

missmiss307 · May 2014

I think scheduling an appointment with a nutritionist is a reasonable step. I've gained 15 lbs. at 24 weeks, baby is measuring two weeks ahead (across the board -- NOT just for weight) and my doctor tried to jump straight to giving me GD meds before she ever even tested me for it. Honestly, I have not really been watching what I eat this pregnancy and have gained more than I did last time at this point, but I am not willing to take meds I may not even need.

The course of action your doctor is taking at least makes sense. A nutritionist might be able to offer advice on how to balance your meals differently to help minimize the weight gain. It sounds like you just don't want to change what you are doing.

carafern · May 2014

I know my way around some body issues so I get where you're coming from. If its already a sensitive subject, the OB mentioning it can throw you into a tailspin. And you're right, obsessing over your weight is probably not helpful, but talking it through with a nutritionist might be (also therapy, that helped me a lot). I say go to the appointment, try not to be defensive and listen to what the nutritionist says. She/he might have some helpful tips or may simply validate some of what you're already doing.

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