almost Mother's Day

GymSpaz26 · May 2014

So, I kind of just fell apart a bit. I knew that Mother's Day is coming up. I knew it would be very hard. My husband and I were actually planning to go backpacking overnight to do something special just the two of us, but be away from all of the Mother's Day celebration stuff. But now, my husband had to travel out of the country to be with his dad who had a heart attack. (There's enough emotion there to deal with on its own.) And it looks like most likely he will not be home until long after next weekend. I'm at a loss. Everyone I know is either a mom and will be celebrating with their kids or will be celebrating with their parents. My parents are going to be out of town, and I think it would be too hard to spend the day with them anyway. But I also don't know that it would be very healthy to just sit at home all weekend.

I got home this evening and opened the mail to several Mother's Day ads and just kind of lost it. I'm usually okay. I don't get worked up over the baby ads and stuff. But I think just having my husband gone and realizing that I'm going to be walking through this week and Mother's Day by myself is just too much. But I'm kind of afraid to mention this to my friends, because I don't want them to feel bad for me, or to try to awkwardly fit me into their plans for the weekend. Sigh.

Bgirma · May 2014

@GymSpaz26- I'm so sorry. It's a lot- not only dealing with Mother's Day but supporting your husband who is dealing with an emotional and stressful situation from afar.

I also don't get worked up over baby ads, etc. I'm going to a baby shower today and I'm pretty ambivalent about it- I went shopping for it last night and it didn't bother me. But a few days ago I woke up and thought that Mother's Day was this weekend and I had a meltdown. Definitely wasn't expecting that. I am now feeling really anxious about how to spend the day and how I might feel. Things like baby showers and pregnant women don't bother but anything or event that I imagined I would do with our son is painful.

Again, I'm sorry that you're dealing with a stressful situation on top of the anxiety about Mother's Day. I wish I had some advice on how to spend the day- I'm racking my brain and googling like crazy for myself still. But I'll be thinking about you this week. Sending thoughts and prayers to your father in law.

gracie5107 · May 2014

I am so sorry for your father in law's heart attack. I hope he is going to be okay! It has to be so stressful having this added to your typical grieving.

Could you do something special for yourself this weekend, such as getting a massage? I'd steer clear of manis/pedis because I could see moms and daughters doing that, but I would think a massage could be okay. That way you could get out of the house.

Also, could you ask a close friend to go out for a drink (maybe a bar to avoid Mother's day dinners) or coffee in the later afternoon? It would be another way to see other people/get out of the house, but you wouldn't necessarily be tagging along during another family's Mother's Day celebration.

Good luck figuring it out, and I wish you peace this upcoming weekend.

shandorfml2 · May 2014

((hugs)))

Any friends that want to hang out? You could just get some ice cream, chocolate, popcorn and have a movie day. Avoid going out, and just veg. Usually leading up to the day is harder than the actual day.

lrichmond86 · May 2014

I'm so sorry. This will be my third mothers day, but the first with a living child, and it's still incredibly difficult. I find it helpful on days like that to do something in honor of my babies. For example next weekend I'll be working on finishing our memorial garden. Could you hit the craft store, maybe do a project that honors your baby? Sometimes I find creating something for them is very therapeutic. Big hugs for you!

GymSpaz26 · May 2014

Thank you all for your encouragement and ideas.

Jellybean71514 · May 2014

I don't have great suggestions I am kind of in the same boat except I am going to go to brunch with my parents which I'm dreading but my brother will be working and I hate to leave them alone - I plan to meet them there in case I have a meltdown and need to leave but after that my plans are to just veg and be alone with some crappy Lifetime movies - my fiancé and I have been struggling a lot lately so I don't anticipate him being around, I'm already hurt he nor anyone else asked me what i'd like to do on Mothers Day as if I don't count so i'd just like to get the day over with .... I know this all sounds depressing but for me being alone after brunch is more appealing than putting on a smile and being around anyone- I know I will push through it and I'm confident you will too whatever you chose to do...... sending extra hugs your way xoxo

lexusolsen · May 2014

@Jellybean71514‌ I'm so sorry that no one asked for your input. Could you ask your df what his plans are that day? Maybe he doesn't know how to approach it in a way that will acknowledge you without bringing you pain. I hope this is the case! Thinking of you.

Jellybean71514 · May 2014

Thank you @lexusolsen‌ ....today I took a stand and told everyone I am staying home because as a 'mother' that's what i'd like to do and just veg- my DF said he will be with me but doesn't understand why I would want to be home and sad- I just really don't want to engage in much or be with anyone at this point, it's only been 2 months since my loss so I'm not ready to embrace the day- I'm hoping it just goes by fast xo

lexusolsen · May 2014

@Jellybean71514‌ I'm glad he's trying. It's so difficult to go through this together because grief is such an individual process. I know it's difficult but I'm sure he would appreciate it if you acknowledge his effort. I'm glad you stood up for yourself.

Jellybean71514 · May 2014

Yes I need to do a better job with his grief I've be outwardly the mess but I know he's still struggling yet still trying with me xo

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