Toddler in tow... How will you balance newborn needs?

BloomingMomma · May 2014

Ok, just a warning I should get an award for "most insecure person" and "difficult to make decisions," so please be kind and not too snarky.

I'll have a 2.5 y.o around baby's birth. Anyone not doing daycare for first? What is your plan to help kids all get their naps in, since they will be pretty off-schedule when second child starts regulating to 3, then 2 naps, while #1 older toddler may take 1 or no naps?

I'm still researching drop off daycares, and parent co-ops, but I'm sad about doing a drop off, and the co/op seems hard with newborn as they can't go with us on my work day (so need to hire sitter).

Am I going to be able to handle two and no formal drop-off program?

BloomingMomma · May 2014

Ps. I'm a SAHM. I know plenty of moms work and kids fine at daycare. Don't want to start that debate. I just know my toddler, and my relationship with her, and drop off will be hard. I do want to not screw over baby #2's naps though trying to keep #1 active ....

Emerald27 · May 2014

I am a SAHM, and planning to homeschool, so I'm not doing daycare for my older child. He'll be about to turn 3 when baby arrives.

I don't really know what to expect, of course, but I do plan to wear the new baby a lot to keep him/her close, with easy boob access, and me hands free. We'll take a month off from doing preschool when baby comes, but we will all snuggle together a lot, play together, and DS can play independently with me and new baby. We will go to all the places DS loves to go and play (park, kid-friendly farm, fountains, and indoor spaces too), and we will get together with our other mom/toddler friends every week like we do now. When he turns 3, we can also enroll him in some fun extra curriculars for toddlers.

Preschool for DS will at that point just be a couple hours a day, and I'm planning on knocking out all (well as much as I can) of my lesson planning and prep this summer. The actual schooling shouldn't be too difficult to manage with an infant, because all preschool work is fun, and DS is laid back and loves crafty, learning activities.

It's probably because so many of my friends have 2+ kids and make it look easy, but I'm not particularly worried. The "how to" doesn't bother me as much as the worry about how DS will adjust to sharing snuggles.

Emerald27 · May 2014

This is just a thought, but if you think daycare (even a couple days a week) would be beneficial to you and baby, and DD, I might start daycare a couple months BEFORE baby arrives, so that she doesn't associate going to school with giving mommy and brother/sister alone time.

Speaking of alone time, I would also make a special effort to make sure you and DH get a few planned minutes each day to spend one-on-one with DD, if you can.

IrishHoney123 · May 2014

My son was 20 months old when DS2 was born, and he was down to 1 nap a day. I kept his schedule and nap time a priority, and DS2 just seemed to join us! I wore him at first while he had his cat naps, and then eventually started laying him down in his crib. I love the memories of wearing DS2 in the Moby while he slept and sitting with DS1 reading Mother Goose. Now at ages 3 and 1 they both take 1 nap a day at the same time.

Emerald27 · May 2014

And because it's not even 8am on a Saturday morning, I missed your ACTUAL question about NAPS! :P I'll be a PW and post again. Lol

My plan is to switch DS' nap to a quiet time a month or so before baby comes. He will have some specific, quiet time toys and books that are soft and related to sleeping, and he will have to stay in his bed and be quiet. He doesn't "have to" sleep, but with the right atmosphere, on days he needs a nap, he'll get one.

If he is still needing consistent, long naps at that point, I will wait until LO2 is napping (DS is pretty flexible about nap time) and will lay with DS to help him fall asleep. When LO2 is older and not sleeping as much, we will definitely be doing quiet time for DS, and just heading to bed earlier if necessary.

reneenearl · May 2014

Normally my LO does not go to daycare. I work full time during the day, DH works full time overnights. He watches DS while I work, sleeps when I get home, and then works overnight. We will continue that schedule when number two arrives. DS will be 2 1/2, and I am thinking DS is actually going to get more time with me than he is use to since I will be home on maternity leave and newborns sleep a lot. It'll be an adjustment I am sure.

As for naps, DS takes a 3 hour nap every day. Due to his developmental delays he is on a very strict routine and schedule and does not handle being off schedule very well. We will continue whatever schedule he is on at the time. I don't think DS plays loudly so i haven't been too concerned about number twos schedule, I guess I'll see what happens

jesslinnn · May 2014

DS1 turned 2 10 days before DS2 was born. He had completely stopped napping about a month earlier, that sucked. I SAH and don't send either kid to daycare or anything. If I absolutely needed a nap, I would lay on the couch with DS1 and let him watch a movie while I slept. DS2 was such an easy baby though and I never made a point to keep the house super quiet during nap time so he was able to sleep through anything. It would have been nice to have at least one break during the day that both kids napped, but we didn't & we survived.

We pretty much kept up with our normal routine. They were August babies so even when DS2 was little we still got outside and went places. I just loaded up the kids and went.. DS2 would nap great in the stroller so I didn't have to worry about being home at nap time. Honestly it was a lot easier than I had anticipated. Obviously throwing a newborn in the mix, no matter how many kid you have (or even when that newborn is your first), is going to be challenging, but it all just works out. OR, maybe I was just so sleep deprived back then that I'm not remembering the bad stuff.

persephonerose · May 2014

I am glad some people gave good advise so I can take notes. As a sahm to a toddler and about to have twins I figured I would just have a lot of wine. Wine all day long. This is a good plan yes?

BeanNut · May 2014

I agree to start any new routine or drop off day care 2 months before baby's due date.

Prioritize the older child's middle of the day nap to keep her on a schedule. Remember the tiny baby can sleep on the go at first. When you go shopping or to the playground or wherever, wear the new baby so you can still help your toddler, too. I will have a 3.5 year old and a 2 year old plus the new baby so I feel your pain. I know there will be times when some or all are unhappy but I'll just do the best I can.

2goingon3 · May 2014

You'll find that having 2 is fine, baby adapts to the family's schedule, and life goes on happily! There will be times that they'll both have simultaneous meltdowns, or older kid needs to be somewhere when baby has just fallen asleep, but even during those times, you'll cope and move on.

Mine were 1.5 years apart and it was fine! We're now having our 3rd and already lovingly referring to him/her as "luggage"

BloomingMomma · May 2014

I wish I could reply to all of you individually. You'd be my best friends I think if we lived in same area! I love your chill attitude, honest answers, and really thorough. But no snarky folks!!!! (I've had weird experiences on the bump). I'm starting to chill out a little and this week trying to really think if I could benefit from drop off. I don't want to really. May not.

BloomingMomma · May 2014

Thank you. I may take notes and show hubby your ideas. He isn't sold on #2 tagging along.

2goingon3 · May 2014

BloomingMomma said:
Thank you. I may take notes and show hubby your ideas. He isn't sold on #2 tagging along.

Here's the thing, if you SAH, and he works, weekends are when you'll want to get out and do things as a family. If you don't bring baby along, then one of you (more than likely you, especially if you're nursing) has to stay home so baby can nap which means you won't get many outings together. During the week, you'll go crazy if you're too nervous to take baby out, and it'll be much worse for your older kid. Baby's are adaptable and learn to go with the flow. I had a nice balance of routine and flexibility, ie; I wasn't going to miss a playgroup or beach day because of a nap time, but I still fed kids on a schedule whether at home or not and napped baby/kid in the car or in the stroller.

Hubby needs to relax, baby will be much better for it.

Eastie156 · May 2014

We plan to keep up with our normal routine as much as possible. DS will turn 2 at the end of September and baby #2 will arrive at some point thereafter. We have a nanny that comes to our house 2 days a week and my Mom watches DS two days a week. I work part time and have Fridays off, so our first week home with the baby, we'll give our nanny a week off and will give DS a chance to acclimate to a new baby, etc.

I don't plan to change DS's schedule too much and I believe we want to keep our nanny on two days a week. I may give my Mom a much needed break at least one day a week, temporarily.

Want a personalized experience?

Toddler in tow... How will you balance newborn needs?

Re: Toddler in tow... How will you balance newborn needs?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards