Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
shandorfml2
member
Re: TTCAL check in
Where are you in your TTCAL journey? cd 24 I think. This cycle is nuts.
Do you have any relevant appointments upcoming? I see my OB in July
QOTW: How long after your loss did you start TTC? Do you regret starting/not starting at a certain time? We started trying when we were cleared, 5 weeks after my loss. We wanted to despretly to get pregnant. I wish I had gone back on the pill, let myself regulate then try when I was more emotionally ready. I feel ready now, but I'm frustrated as we've been trying for over a year. Though, since coming off BCP in Jan we've had three (maybe four if my body actually od this cycle) pretty good cycles.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I want to be pregnant, damnit. I love seeing loss Moms get pregnant, but it can be hard. I'm at the point now where loss Moms who were trying when I started have actually HAD their rainbows. That's hard to swallow.
My Blog
BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013
Please be our rainbow!!
**All AL Welcome**
12DPIUI= 3
13DPIUI = 4
15DPIUI= 6
Do you have any relevant appointments upcoming? I have my next beta in the am. We'll see after that.
QOTW: How long after your loss did you start TTC? Do you regret starting/not starting at a certain time?
We never prevented. But we started actively trying (OPKs and progesterone) after 2m. I don't regret it. We did repeat IF testing aroubd 5/6m and found out we have old crusty eggs and wonky sperm. Time is not our friend.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
Can I really call myself pregnant with a beta of 6? Could we really beat the odds in a good way not just bad like usual?
My Blog
BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013
Please be our rainbow!!
**All AL Welcome**
My Blog
BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013
Please be our rainbow!!
**All AL Welcome**
Do you have any relevant appointments upcoming? I've got a follow up beta on 5/23 to check my hcg levels again. If they are still positive I'll continue to go in monthly until they're negative. If negative, I should be able to start back on bcp, have my hysteroscopy, and start prepping for my frozen transfer.
QOTW: How long after your loss did you start TTC? Do you regret starting/not starting at a certain time? I started meeting with specialists for opinions about two months afterwards.... we intended to start TTC in March but found out the HCG levels were still positive. I don't regret having tried to TTC so soon because who knows what the hcg is doing and at least they are watching over me now. I'd hate to have waited longer and found out I was benched for this.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Jack's due date next Sunday on Mothers Day....can't believe its going to be here already. I keep picturing what I should look like right now at 39 weeks and it just makes me so mad.
NTNP 2009-2012 TTC since 2012:
Jack has handpicked his sibling up there
My blog about IF and loss ... Kate's IF Blog
My Blog
BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013
Please be our rainbow!!
**All AL Welcome**
@mrslaurenanddan I am so sorry...repeat losses really suck. ((hugs))
where are you in your ttcal journey? cd 13
any appts. upcoming? progesterone check in a few weeks
qotw: after our first loss we waited four months, I immediately got ku and then miscarried. Then we waited 4-5 months after that (i didn't get a period for a lonnnngggg time after my d&c...I got ku on our second cycle and then miscarried...this time we waited 3 months. I was devastated after my MC after my late loss....devastated. I wasn't emotionally ready to handle another loss after going thru hell a few months before. Now I am just so ready to be pregnant and to stay pregnant.
what's on your mind this week? just frustrated. I'm stressing that my opks are going to not show peak again this cycle (never got a positive last cycle even though we saw on US that I was about to ovulate and then confirmed with a blood test that I did)...i should be getting one today or tomorrow or I am going to have to get the RE to run blood tests again. I hate this.
8/12-Suprise BFP- Sweet Bunny Born Sleeping 11/21/12 (19 weeks)
-5/7/13- MMC (8 Weeks)
11/6/13- BO discovered at 7 weeks- natural MC 11/25/13
8/14- Surpise IF dx...low AMH (.24)- moving on to IVF
IVF #1- 11/14- 6R5M4F=2 perfect frosties
12/19/14- FET of 2 embabies = BFP!!! One Little Bean EDD: 9/3/15
Everyone Welcome.
where are you in your ttcal journey? cd 9
any appts. upcoming? no
qotw: after our first loss (MC) we started immediately and got pregnant after the third month with Christopher who we lost at almost 28 weeks. Again we started immediately after I stopped bleeding pp (which was cleared by OB and MFM) and we are not pregnant yet (but I am on my first cycle currently - we did try prior to first pp period). I dont know if you other ladies worry about this too.. but I just worry all the time that I am not going to be able to get pregnant again. I am sure it is normal but I wanted to see what you ladies do to push away the "negative" thoughts.
what's on your mind this week? gearing up to start OPK's and scheduled BD's this morning. I also am trying to cut out the coffee in the event this is our month.I will say a general prayer for all you ladies that this is your month. My thoughts go out to all of you. Happy Cinco de Mayo
QOTW: How long after your loss did you start TTC? Do you regret starting/not starting at a certain time? It has been just over 6 months since my son's birth. I had a C-Section and he was born at almost 42 weeks, so both of those things really influenced our decision to wait. We really wanted to give my body a chance to heal, as well as my emotions (which of course are still not "healed" but at least maybe not quite so raw). I also knew I needed to be at a place where I would be able to walk through another loss if it were to happen. It would be horrible, but I feel like I'm at least stable enough that it wouldn't break me. In some ways I've been frustrated because of the C-Section and the need to wait. But at the same time I think it was very necessary and good to get me to a place where I am excited about the idea of a new baby and not just trying to fill the void left by my son.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I think I covered just about everything. Trying to just tell myself to not focus too much on TTC and just see what happens (which of course is difficult to do when you're looking at your temp everyday to figure out what is happening... Makes it hard to just go with the flow for a while!).
Do you have any relevant appointments upcoming? Not really. My doctor gave me Femara to try this cycle, so I'll go in for 7 DPO bloodwork, but no actual appointment.
QOTW: How long after your loss did you start TTC? Do you regret starting/not starting at a certain time? We started trying pretty much right away. I had a perfect pregnancy and delivery the first time, so there was no medical reason to wait, and emotionally I feel like being pregnant again will help me.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I'm dreading Mother's Day. My mom and MIL are disappointed that I have said that I want to be alone with just DH, but I don't care.
Me 32 (Stage IV Endometriosis, short luteal phase) DH 38
Married 5/2010
January 2014- DS born healthy at 35.4 weeks
February 2014- DS passed away due to complications from adenovirus
February 2015- Rainbow baby DD born at 36.3 weeks
My chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/42fd32
Me 32 (Stage IV Endometriosis, short luteal phase) DH 38
Married 5/2010
January 2014- DS born healthy at 35.4 weeks
February 2014- DS passed away due to complications from adenovirus
February 2015- Rainbow baby DD born at 36.3 weeks
My chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/42fd32
My Blog
BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013
Please be our rainbow!!
**All AL Welcome**
Where are you in your TTCAL journey? CD 14
Do you have any relevant appointments upcoming? Just some more bloodwork to check metabolism then a uterus X-ray when my next cycle starts.
QOTW: How long after your loss did you start TTC? Do you regret starting/not starting at a certain time? Just a few months really, but I was still pumping for my survivor so I didn't have a PP for about 8 months.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Met with an RE last week. Kinda came up with a plan. I'm at least glad that she didn't want me on BC but did bloodwork last week and that all looks normal. She's suspecting PCOS. Sounds like next cycle (hopefully) we'll start Femara. Why can't this just be easy?!