What do you call your inlaws?

alyshamarie007 · May 2014

I am not sure if this poll has already been done or not, but I am super curious to know what everyone calls their inlaws. My inlaws want me to call them "mom" and "dad", but this just does not feel natural to me. I call them by their first names when I am referring to them to someone else. When I am talking to them, I just try to avoid calling them anything to avoid hurting their feelings. What do you call your in-laws?

alyshamarie007 · May 2014

My computer was stupid (ok maybe my fingers are fat) and this posted before I finished the last answer.

It should say:

I'm super formal and call them "Sir/M'am"

deedee1017 · May 2014

First names for me.

catycate · May 2014

To their face? First names.

BlessUrHeart29 · May 2014

First names. It's easiest, especially with DH's mom who kind of goes back and forth over whether she is a man or a woman. First name is safest. Pronouns stress me out though.

PixiesDust · May 2014

Actually, before DH and I were married, I called them Mr. and Mrs. Lastname. Although they started signing cards with their first names after we got married, they never explicitly told me I could call them by their first names. My BIL, who has been married to SIL for almost 6 years still calls them Mr. and Mrs Lastname which makes me feel like i have to follow suit. Luckily, now that we have DD, i just refer to them at Grizzy and Bop (their grandparent names) or dont call them anything at all.

Although I know this probably sounds really douchey, they're actually wonderful people, and I get along well with both of them. DH grew up calling all of his friend's parents Mr. and Mrs., whereas this was not the norm for me at all. My mom is first name to everyone, and she tells you that up front the first time you meet her which i think makes it easier for people to feel comfortable addressing her. I just wish DH's parents would just tell me what to call them so i didnt feel like i had to dance around it

carawasa · May 2014

I don't even call her by her first name because I don't like t so I just say hey HAHAHA I just realized how lame I am. But it's true

stephl3055 · May 2014

I don't call them anything. If I need to talk to them, I just start saying something and they know who I'm speaking to.

MIL got mad that I wasn't calling her "mom" after DH and I got married. She complained to DH and about it and I told him that she has never done anything to make me feel like she really cares about me, so why should I call her "mom". I'm super close with my mom, and I don't think anyone else really deserves that title. Especially not someone who doesn't even know when my birthday is.

#MILproblems

alyshamarie007 · May 2014

This poll makes me feel a lot better! I have no trouble writing "mom"/"dad" on cards and stuff, because they are from DH and I together. I just cannot get the words to come out of my mouth in person. They really are great people and maybe eventually I will be able to call them "mom/dad", but right now I feel like those names belong to my parents and it would be un-natural to force it.

cassey910 · May 2014

I use their first names

trackgirlparis · May 2014

First names. In the beginning of our relationship, DHs mom wanted me to call her "mom" and I made it very clear that would never, ever happen.

StefMurph · May 2014

I call them by their first names. When I'm talking to dd, I call DH's stepmom "not your grandma."

LittleBabyG2013 · May 2014

I call them mom n dad, mother in law is crazy and requests it. It's sometimes easier to please her then go against her.

jennlin · May 2014

while we were dating, it's in our culture for me to call them "aunt/uncle". after we are married, there's supposed to be a light switch that flips, and you call them mom/dad. that was super awkward for me..i continued using aunt/uncle, and my parents were PISSED at me..they literally glared at me every time i said it (we do a lot of functions with both families). i made the leap after we had dd (2.5 years post wedding) and i now call them mom/dad.

stephl3055 · May 2014

jennlin said:

while we were dating, it's in our culture for me to call them "aunt/uncle". after we are married, there's supposed to be a light switch that flips, and you call them mom/dad. that was super awkward for me..i continued using aunt/uncle, and my parents were PISSED at me..they literally glared at me every time i said it (we do a lot of functions with both families). i made the leap after we had dd (2.5 years post wedding) and i now call them mom/dad.

I think this is the mindset my ILs have. They are Vietnamese and I'm not (I'm white), so once the wedding was over I think MIL just assumed I would call her that. Nope.

jennlin · May 2014

steph 13055 said:

jennlin said:

while we were dating, it's in our culture for me to call them "aunt/uncle". after we are married, there's supposed to be a light switch that flips, and you call them mom/dad. that was super awkward for me..i continued using aunt/uncle, and my parents were PISSED at me..they literally glared at me every time i said it (we do a lot of functions with both families). i made the leap after we had dd (2.5 years post wedding) and i now call them mom/dad.

I think this is the mindset my ILs have. They are Vietnamese and I'm not (I'm white), so once the wedding was over I think MIL just assumed I would call her that. Nope.

how long have you been married? my inlaws were SO happy when i started calling them mom/dad, they basically cheered, and said "what took you so long?"

taylormarie923 · May 2014

JarynA said:
First names. It's easiest, especially with DH's mom who kind of goes back and forth over whether she is a man or a woman. First name is safest. Pronouns stress me out though.

You are lucky that she/he kept the same name. It took my over a year to stop calling my brother by his former name out of habit. Pronouns are super hard to get in the habit of using correctly. It has been almost 4 years now so it comes naturally now.

pmarie33 · May 2014

When talking to them directly, I use their first names. If the kids are around I refer to them as they would, Mimi and Pop.

taylormarie923 · May 2014

I picked nicknames in the poll. My mil asked me to come up with a special name for her so I picked Mama lastname. My fil is River, short for Old Man River.

stephl3055 · May 2014

jennlin said:

steph 13055 said:

jennlin said:

while we were dating, it's in our culture for me to call them "aunt/uncle". after we are married, there's supposed to be a light switch that flips, and you call them mom/dad. that was super awkward for me..i continued using aunt/uncle, and my parents were PISSED at me..they literally glared at me every time i said it (we do a lot of functions with both families). i made the leap after we had dd (2.5 years post wedding) and i now call them mom/dad.

I think this is the mindset my ILs have. They are Vietnamese and I'm not (I'm white), so once the wedding was over I think MIL just assumed I would call her that. Nope.

how long have you been married? my inlaws were SO happy when i started calling them mom/dad, they basically cheered, and said "what took you so long?"

5 years. I already told DH it's never happening, but I don't know if he told them that. I think MIL was the only one that complained and she's never said anything to me.

Ajoyd · May 2014

First names. I would feel so awkward calling them mom and dad. I love them but I don't know if I would ever feel comfortable calling them that.

My dad called my grandma (mom's mom) both by her first name and mom interchangeably.

CateOfChicago · May 2014

Mrs ... if I have to. Otherwise, I just try to get her attention. DH calls my mom mom and wants me to do the same with his but I just can't. It is weird.

edaire · May 2014

I call them inconvenient

kelle017 · May 2014

I usually start talking and need use a name.
If I'm referring to them when there not around I always say H's mom or H's dad.

bkeane619 · May 2014

We dated for soooo long I called them by their first names. It seemed awkward 8 years into the relationship to switch and call them mom and dad. My parents though called both sets of my grandparents mom and dad though. I guess things are different now.

mancila60 · May 2014

MIL I always called mom it felt normal. SMIL I call by her first name and FIL I call by his first name when talking to someone. In front of him I call him pops it seemed better than dad.

BlessUrHeart29 · May 2014

@ElleStaxx‌ and @taylormarie923‌

MIlL told us a few years ago that she felt like she was truly a man, and she changed her name to something gender-neutral, which is what DH and I both use now (although DH's brother and sister say "mom"). She hasn't actually physically transitioned, and seems to inhabit different genders in different situations.

She wants DS to use the name "Mema" which seems very feminine to me. MIL's coworkers use masculine pronouns, but she is in a relationship with a woman who is a lesbian, so obviously in those settings MIL is a woman also.

It's very confusing. We just try to roll with it and do our best to respect whatever situation we are in at the moment. We use her new first name and try to avoid pronouns. I've obviously used feminine pronouns here, because it's easier, and I'm generally in the situations where people use feminine pronouns, and as far as I am aware, she has not asked anyone to stop.

Welshgirl12 · May 2014

alyshamarie007 said:
This poll makes me feel a lot better! I have no trouble writing "mom"/"dad" on cards and stuff, because they are from DH and I together. I just cannot get the words to come out of my mouth in person. They really are great people and maybe eventually I will be able to call them "mom/dad", but right now I feel like those names belong to my parents and it would be un-natural to force it.

Exactly the same, texts emails and cards I put mom/dad, irl I just dont use any name!!

EmJ&B · May 2014

Satan.

;-)

First names.

chelseyestelle · May 2014

First names!

elllaf · May 2014

I don't know what to choose!
I call my FIL by his first name to his face but a nickname when talking about him to DH.
And I call my MIL her nickname regardless.
OK I'm picking nickname...

klewis888 · May 2014

I call them by their first name but when I refer to them when talking to DH, BIL or SIL, I will sometimes say mom/dad.

Amjoy25 · May 2014

baconface said:

i used to do the avoid the names at all then one time my BIL called me out on it in front of them so embarrassing. then my ILs told me to call them by their first name, so i do.

but when i am drunk i call them mom and dad. FIL gets so awkward it is funny, he is like i dont want to hurt your dads feelings he is your dad! then i go on a drunk rant about how they are both my dad now #sorryyourdaughterinlawlikesthebottle
LOL, you get drunk with your ILs?

Um, doesn't everyone? #isgettingdrunkwithyourILstaboo?

Amjoy25 · May 2014

I said first names, but I will call my MIL "mother". Like, "yes, mother" or "mother, will you get me another glass of wine, please".

Mom and dad is reserved for my mom and dad.

slh6363 · May 2014

I refer to her by her first name or "nana" grandparent name.

ajjf1026 · May 2014

I call MIL either Mom or Mia (what she wants DS to call her) to her face otherwise I say "H's Mom" if I'm talking about her otherwise. I call FIL by his first name or just say "hey" to his face and "H's dad" otherwise. I think it's weird to call him Dad.

finnybooboo · May 2014

Maybe if I liked my in-laws I wouldn't mind calling them mom and dad, but I feel it would be an insult to my own parents if I actually referred to them as that.

I prefer some more... colorful... names, but usually call them by their first names to keep the peace.

RedZee · May 2014

First names. Although I often feel like there should be some name that people call ILs (a nice one to their face, not the things we say regardless

). Mr and Mrs would be way too formal, but first names often feel not respectful or not kind of close enough. Now I often call them their grandparent names 'cause the kids are around.

My grandmother never told my dad what to call her so he always called her Grandma.

kimbo1216 · May 2014

I really need a special star.

I call MIL "Uma", the Korean word for mom, or refer to her as Halmoni, the Korean word for grandma, when in front of DDs.

I call FIL either by his first name, nothing at all, or Grandpa When I'm front of the girls.

mweav1025 · May 2014

When I am talking to DH about them, I usually say 'your parents' or I will call his step mom by her name. When I talk about them to others, like telling my parents something I will call them by their first name. I do not actually talk to them that often so I don't have to call them anything.

DH calls my parents mom and dad.

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