A coworker miscarried last night...cue PGAL brain.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

I got into work this morning and discovered that one of the girls here won't be coming in today, because she miscarried last night. She was 16 weeks. I had no idea she was even pregnant. She's fairly new and I don't know her that well, so I have no way of really giving her my condolences until she returns. I also don't know if I can even bring it up, since I'm guessing most people aren't supposed to know. I feel terrible for her, apparently this is her second miscarriage at 16 weeks.

I also feel bad for making this about me, but it has kind of kickstarted my PGAL brain again. I hit 14 weeks on Monday and have been feeling so good about everything, especially since I heard a nice strong heartbeat during a doppler-check appointment last week. I've never made it past 8 weeks before, and now here I am in second tri. I was finally able to breathe again! But now this is a reminder of how we're never really "safe." I have an ultrasound scheduled for 16 weeks, exactly two weeks from today, and I'm already feeling nervous about it. I just want to be able to relax and enjoy this whole pregnancy thing, you know?. I allowed myself to finally feel really, truly excited this week, talking with my friends about baby names and the likelihood of finding out the sex at my next u/s appointment. Now I feel like I need to rein it back in again, and stop letting myself get too confident and comfortable because nothing is guaranteed. Ugh, PGAL really sucks sometimes.

HorseLover11 · May 2014

I am so sorry about your coworker - that is just terrible

I understand the anxiety it can trigger though as my bmb had several second tri losses and it made me really nervous! but I guess you never are 100% guaranteed anything in life and just have to remind yourself every pregnancy is different and just love your baby everyday. Do you have a doppler? That has helped me tremendously!!

megbmeg · May 2014

I'm so sorry about your co-worker. And I'm sorry you are feeling anxious. It's so great that you were getting to enjoy it this week, and talk about names and other fun stuff. Getting excited can't cause anything bad. So if you can, I think it is great to feel the joy of it. Hang in there.

SandSunBliss · May 2014

I'm sorry to hear about our coworker. I wouldn't wish that experience on anyone once, let alone twice. Imagine the anxiety she will face during her next pregnancy, if she chooses to TTC again. I already felt like I couldn't breath until 16 weeks this time, but if I had her experience, I would feel like I couldn't leave my bed.

All that being said, her pregnancy is not your pregnancy. It's true that we are never safe. I have friends who experienced a cord accident. Even now, at 35w3d, I have to battle with myself sometimes not to be terrified of a cord accident. Just remember, there is no sense in worrying about what hasn't come to pass. Enjoy each day.

carlsonbaby2014 · May 2014

Lots of ((((hugs)))) to your co-worker. My heart breaks for her =(( . I echo everything @SandSunBliss has said. Especially that no two pregnancies are the same either between our own pregnancies or other people's pregnancies. I hope that you're able to enjoy where you are at right now and even be looking forward to your next appointment. So many ((((hugs)))) love.

2redtulips · May 2014

I understand. I've had two friends experience losses during my second trimester (one a 16-week loss and the other a preemie infant), and it definitely hasn't helped my pgal brain.

I keep repeating to myself, over and over again, that my story is not the same as anyone else's story. Hearing that heartbeat at each appointment and, now, feeling the baby move, keeps me sane.

One day at a time. Keep breathing.

{{hugs}}

princezjk · May 2014

(((HUGS))) I am so sorry to hear of your co-worker's loss. Seeing losses happen around us can definitely set PgAL into overdrive. However, I too, would echo the wise words of SSB. Though you are right that nothing is guaranteed, don't let that rob you and you LO of the joy of now. (((more hugs)))

MommaAshley12 · May 2014

Big (((hugs)))!

polevaultRN · May 2014

((Hugs)) Hang in there, hun! I know it's hard to not worry about YOUR pregnancy when you hear of something terrible happening with someone else's. I'm already a nervous wreck because of some of the things I see at my work (I'm a labor & delivery nurse). I just have to constantly remind myself of all of the successful pregnancies that I see and that the unfortunate things that occur are few and far between. It's still hard though, I know.

JCM285 · May 2014

I'm sorry you are experiencing this but remember that all pregnancies are different. My coworker just told me today that her friend miscarried at 8 weeks. I have no idea what possessed her to tell me this. She doesn't know I'm pregnant and ironically I'm also 8w along. I was absolutely horrified. I just said "oh that's so sad" but wanted to say "wtf". I don't know her friend and certainly didn't want to know that information today. I'm trying my best to forget it but I admit it is hard!

kimmyberly26 · May 2014

I'm son sorry for your coworkers loss. It is completely understandable why you are feeling anxious. I still don't feel safe. I would just see how she is when she gets back to determine if you can bring it up or not.