I'm new at this.

AmyShaleen · April 2014

And when I say 'new', I mean new to adoption, new to the boards...but not as new to life as I wish I was sometimes!

I can't figure out how to do the signature thing (which is sad b/c I'm a graphic designer and should know computers a bit!), so here's my bio in a nutshell:

DH and I married in January 2010, started trying in February 2010. I was 33 when we got married and knew my mom had a really hard time getting pregnant with me (I'm an only, but not by choice), so we started quickly. A while later, went to RE and found out I wasn't really a candidate for IUI due to thin lining issues (side note: still kinda confused about that call), so started down the IVF route. 4 failed IVFs with my own eggs and 2 with donor eggs, we decided we were just done with hormones, and shots, and embryos (oh my!). So here we are! It took DH a little while longer to move on from the infertility treatments - something I'm reading seems to be fairly common. I was ready to begin adopting a couple of years ago, but we're a team and (of course) had to both be ready.

Now that we are, we are super excited...and super nervous. Not so much nervous about adopting - as far as that goes, we have just the usual first-time parent fears (namely, that we're going to to suck at it), but about all of the research and prepwork. I am NOT a researcher - definitely a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda gal, so I'll admit to a few emotional freakouts already, just at the sheer amount of work you have to put into this. And responsibility - "what if I pick the wrong agency", "what if I fail the homestudy?" Not that I'm whining - I will do whatever it takes to have that baby that God/life/fate has already chosen for us.

Anyway, we are definitely looking towards DIA but haven't chosen an agency yet...That's our goal for this week. I am curious - 4 couples in our neighborhood have all used the same placement agency (some recently, some 10 years ago). Has anyone here used a placement agency? One minute I think it's the best idea since sliced bread and the other minute I think that it's an unnecessary expense.

Now I'm just rambling. I just wanted to introduce myself, beg for support and advice, and hopefully be here for support for some of y'all, too!

Dr.Loretta · April 2014

Welcome! I'm not sure what the term "placement agency" means. We used a full service adoption agency to adopt our daughter 4 years ago.

GL moving forward and I hope to hear more about your journey.

AmyShaleen · April 2014

Dr. Loretta - I might be using the term incorrectly. Again, VERY new at this

It's a company who (for a separate fee), helps guide you through all of the forms, bios, etc, and then submits it to several agencies for you. So the pro is that you're supposedly submitted to around 20 agencies instead of just one... but it's an additional expense - and not a small one. Need to definitely do more research on this! I think they're also called facilitators?

Dr.Loretta · April 2014

Facilitators is a term I'm more familiar with. Some people here have used them, hopefully they can chime in.

poppies717 · April 2014

Welcome! We seem to be at the same point in our journeys! We have one more agency interview left, but I'm 99% sure we've already found our agency.

AmyShaleen · April 2014

Poppies - congratulations on being so close! Are you going with a local or national agency?

Dr. Loretta - Okay, just double-checked. The company I am talking about (that my neighbors have used) says they are NOT facilitators. They say they are a "guidance center" and I've seen others who have used them call them "consultants." This may all be different ways of saying the same thing, but figured I'd update for clarity's sake

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justjinny · April 2014

Congrats on deciding to move ahead with adoption!

We used a full-service agency but they are partnered with other agencies in different states where we could send our portfolios out to also. We liked that we could be seen by more expectant parents that way and increase our chances. We chose our agency based on a word of mouth recommendations and also just the general feeling we got when we went to an informational meeting with them.

Don't stress too much about the process! If you break it all down into little chunks and take care of the paperwork and homestudy piece by piece as they come then it's not so overwhelming.

sugardumpling · April 2014

Welcome and good luck!

CaptainSerious · April 2014

AmyShaleen said:

Poppies - congratulations on being so close! Are you going with a local or national agency?

Dr. Loretta - Okay, just double-checked. The company I am talking about (that my neighbors have used) says they are NOT facilitators. They say they are a "guidance center" and I've seen others who have used them call them "consultants." This may all be different ways of saying the same thing, but figured I'd update for clarity's sake

Facilitators are prohibited in some states. That may be why they specifically state that they are not a facilitator on their website. I don't know much about this level of detail of the DIA process (adopted two sons from Peru), but I wonder if that has something to do with why they specifically state they are not facilitators on their website.

welcome to the board! I agree that if you just tatie each step at a time, it's much more manageable than if you think about everything that needs to be done. Welcome, and good luck for a speedy process!

plus12012 · April 2014

We used a full service, private agency for the adoption of our daughter and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Our whole process was pretty smooth and very fast but, knowing that I had a team of workers that I could reach out to any time I had concerns or questions is something that to me was absolutely worth the additional cost.

AmyShaleen · April 2014

Wow, thank you for the warm welcome, everyone! I was just telling my husband earlier today how amazing the adoption community is - I mean, with IF, people are supportive but I feel like with adoption it's practically a family! Which I love

I did more research and realized I WAS mistaken by using the word "facilitator" or even "placement agency" - apparently those people have contact with both the BM and the PAPs (am I using those terms correctly? Ha) A consultant only deals with the PAPs and then sends them out to various agencies. So the benefit is being seen by many national agencies at the same time, as well as having a local name, face, and contact person.

And...drum roll...pending any weird tension on our phone consult today, I think we might have chosen one!! I'm a total weirdo when it comes to feeling like God and the universe are sending me signs, and there were a few pretty strong signs with this company. I won't get into boring everyone with what those signs are - besides, you'd probably laugh at me - but we're feeling pretty good about them!!

I can't wait to be even more immersed in this process, so I can chat more with y'all - and maybe give a future "me" some fabulous advice like you guys did for me here!

And that was NOT meant to sound like a goodbye - you all can't get rid of me now. I'm here to stay

poppies717 · April 2014

@AmyShaleen - We are 99% sure we want to go with the national agency that a friend of our used. I have a phone interview today with a local agency. If they offer the same type of advantages, DH and I will have a decision to make, but I think we will still need them for our home study process if we go with the national agency.

AmyShaleen · May 2014

poppies717 - I know I disappeared for a couple of days, but I want to hear how your phone call went with the local agency! Did it help you make any decisions?

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