Open Letter Wednesday

NeneCakies · April 2014

Dear pretzel buns,

Where have you been all my life?! I just want to eat you up while dancing to Paramore's Ain't It Fun, my new favorite song.

Ps. Where did the breast feeding post go??!?

lildevil968 · April 2014

Dear Bears,

I understand you are coming out of hybernation, and are hungry. I put my trash out tomorrow morning, so I hope you stay the eff away from it.

Dear other drivers,

The left lane is for passing only, not so you can beebop at 10 mph under the speed limit. Move the eff over!!

noelani42 · April 2014

Dear MIL,
Stop feeding my child every random thing under the sun, and then asking me if it's ok after the fact. No, you cannot give my 7 month old daughter apple pie!!! Ugh...

BluepointToasted · April 2014

Not mine, but if you haven't seen this one, omg, I laughed many times
https://www.thehonesttoddler.com/2014/04/OpenLetterto-ChildIhit.html?m=1

mschoepp · April 2014

Dear DH,

Please stop making me feel like a giant piece of shit for not having a job already, I am doing my damnedest. I have to wait for them to call me back regarding an interview before I can tell you anything, I'm not a mind reader. Also, telling me that YOU could get a job right away if YOU were looking doesn't help anything. In the area we live in (BFE) your skills are highly sought-after, so yes, it is easier for you to find a job. I can't magically birth a job out of my vagina like I did your son.

Side note: you calling the house phone and asking if I had left yet made me LOL. I don't typically take the landline with me when I travel, so no, I have not left yet.

Love (most of the time ~X( ),

Your super stressed out, jobless, sleepless wife.

EVA116 · April 2014

Dear Month of April,

You can go Fuck yourself. My kids have been sick with one thing or another all month.

Dear Month of May

You better tread lightly my friend. I am exhausted.

PeanutButterFox · April 2014

Dear E,

I love you dearly, I do. But if I have to endure another night like the last two, I may give you away. I am tired, I need to sleep. I need you to sleep in your own fucking bed, or to at least sleep through the night if you insist on staying in mine. If you wake up when I move you to the crib tonight, you're just going to have to cry it out because I cannot take this shit anymore.

Love,

Mommy

wiggyslilsis · April 2014

Dear potential employers,

Someone please call me for an interview. I am starting to get a little worried. I have applied so many places and no leads. Come on somebody...hire me! I am ready to work!

Love, stressed out mama

Dear DH,

You are home from work today unexpectedly. That does not make this a lazy day. We have shit to do so you better get your ass in gear.

Love, your wife

jenn330 · April 2014

Dear obnoxious coworker,

Please stop doing over-the-top celebrations for our boss's birthday today. She hates her birthday acknowledged. You don't need to fill her office with balloons, buy her a flower from each employee, and go all out on a gift. SHE DOESN'T WANT IT

Sincerely,

Employee who is scared to see what mood her boss is in when she gets to work!

lildevil968 · April 2014

ScarlettPanda said:

Dear student,

Final exams are next week. I cannot save your semester now. Especially if you've only been to class 7 times. I do not have a magic wand, and even if I did, I wouldn't use it on someone who puts in so little effort.

Regards,
Your annoyed adviser

Jesus, I know how you feel. I have an advisee who is failing 2 classes, finals start next week, and her parents are supposed to be coming out for Graduation at the end of May. Unless she makes 93's on both finals, she won't be graduating on time. She has been in my office 2 times this week begging me to help her out, and I can't.

FalconCrest · April 2014

Dear Mom, MIL, SIL and Aunt,

Stop asking me when I am going to stop nursing DD2. She only turned 1 less than a week ago, I only nurse her 1-2 times a day and never in front of any of you. Stop making me feel like I am doing something dirty. I don't judge any of you for FF, so stop judging me for BFing.

Thanksssss'

The Falcon

ready-or-not · April 2014

Dear Kiddos ~

I'm sorry I was a tad (very) pissy last night & made you all walk on eggshells around me. I really do love you with all my heart & you are THE MOST important people to me.

Dear DH ~

Sorry not sorry. Shit happens & sometimes I'm pissy for no reason. I'm pregnant. Deal with it.

NeneCakies · April 2014

Dear co-worker who magically appeared in my doorway,

Maybe it looked like I had my hand up my skirt to scratch, maybe it didn't. Let's just go with the latter shall we.

Cool,
Itchy tights

NotSharknado · April 2014

Dear Fat Stomach,

GO THE FUCK AWAY.

NotSharknado · April 2014

Dear kids,

Can you kindly stop pissing me off?

Kthxbye!

ready-or-not · April 2014

OH! I almost forgot:

Dear 3rd Trimester:

I have 3 other kids to keep up with so please take it easy on the energy.

Lets do this.

fintin · April 2014

Dear DH

I am really trying with this whole diet thing so stop making fun of me! Even if you think its funny I use measuring cups to portion my food.

Love your fluffy wife.

shadypines · April 2014

Dear Teenage son

I don't need the Calendar/Clock countdown for your bday sent to my phone EVERYDAY.

Today was

15 Days 9 Hours 9 Minutes 25 Seconds

Love,

OMG-I can't believe it's been 15 years MOM :-)

msdrdg · April 2014

Dear client,

If I could not get your STOCK item in the time frame you needed what makes you think that I can get you a fucking CUSTOM item in an even shorter time frame. Pull your head out of your all important ass and think about this for a moment.
Kaye. Thanx!

Love,

Annoyed and hates customer service.

chant: The customer is always right. I need my job. The customer is always right. I need my job.

PeanutButterFox · April 2014

Dear Cough and Post-Nasal Drip That Came Out of Fucking Nowhere,

Go away dammit, I don't like you.

-Me

MrsT0514 · April 2014

Dear Manager,

Thanks for making me stay at work until 12:30am bc someone else's customers decided to sit around and yap away after they got to go home for the night. So I got to sit and wait with a thumb up my ass and made no money off of said customers. Awesome.

Dear coworker,

Please stop bitching about every little thing and just pull your god damn weight like the rest of us do. Quit acting like an entitled twatwaffle...its getting old.

MrsT0514 · April 2014

Aaaaaand on a lighter note...

Dear DS,

I love you more than anyyhing in the entire world. But I really hate when you flip out during DC drop offs. I can't stand seeing you cry like that and it makes me feel like a rotten mommy.

Dear DH,

Please try to stay awake til I get home tonight so we can bang it out and put a baby in mah belly. The anticipation/waiting of ttc is a killer and I'm ready to be KTFU.

JMC11511 · April 2014

I need to play too.

Dear wind, calm the heck down. You're destroying my yard, blowing smoke from the wildfire everywhere, and have made my child a maniac.

Dear kid, nothing has changed. You will still stay in your bed everyday at the same time everyday for a nap/rest. Quit testing to see if I've changed my mind. I haven't. And I'm not planning on changing it anytime soon.

Love, your Mommy who just wants a break

credcat7 · April 2014

Dear body,

I know I'm getting older and things change but please recognize I have been making good choices and trying hard. All I want is to look ok in my bathing suit at the lake so o don't cry when I look at pictures of Sammie and me.

Sincerely,
4 miles a day

blueyd1 · May 2014

@NenieCakies: I am so glad you started this thread because someone pissed all over my cheerios today and I need to vent. Warning: very TL;DR.

Dear STBXH,

I am doing my damndest to make this amicable because I know how your depression and Bipolar II can make it hard for you to handle things. But if you think you are getting the boys for 6 months out of the year to live with you in Costa Rica, you are on crack. You can barely take care of yourself; how are you going to manage two little kids in-between your poker tournaments, pot smoking and hooker banging? Last I checked, I take the boys to/from daycare while you sleep, I make dinner and clean the house, and I am the boys' source of entertainment every weekend because you would sleep all day. Yes, I know that I failed in taking care of you like I used to, but the boys became my priority. And I'm sorry that I let you down.

And now you're threatening to go after me for maintenance and half my 401k?? Yes, I work A TON, but guess what? Part of the reason I took this promotion was because you haven't worked in years (because you just cannot work an office job - it "doesn't meld with your personality") and we have two kids to support (plus a house, cars, bills, etc...).

You say I sold my soul for $100K a year. Maybe I did because I love what I'm doing, but I never would have considered moving up if we weren't completely painted into a financial corner. And you're welcome for supporting you financially for years, as well as health insurance that I KEPT YOU ON this year so that you could continue getting your meds. Even though you moved in August and were gone for 6 months without any notice, and Skyped with the boys MAYBE 5 times during that span?

So you now want to financially benefit from the job I kill myself at, but that you blame for our marriage failing AND attempt to take my boys from me for half the year? Fuck you.

Signed,

Finally had enough wife

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