I know it's early to be this worked up over this, but I'm already fired up over my baby shower.
My mother and MIL are going to throw one for me and we've already talked in general about what I'd like (general location that would be easiest for people to get to, month, brunch vs lunch, etc). Nothing formal yet. For some reason DH is ALL ABOUT this shower and convinced me that the two mothers don't really know how to plan and that I should help them out by starting to call some places. I feel like that is rude to plan a shower and then ask others to pay for it, but he said well just to give them some ideas on prices.
I agreed and yesterday called some of my top spots. I called 5 places, 3 of which have emailed me menus. Yesterday we picked up my new car and the dealer is right next to my parent's house, so we picked them up and the 4 of us went to dinner. I mentioned to my mom how I started calling some places, and some of the ones I like are already booking spots in the months we had talked about. She wasn't offended AT ALL and laughed because she knows I like to plan things far in advance and actually thanked me for the help. I told her that I am fine with wherever they pick, but here is some ideas just to get started and I'll be as involved/uninvolved as they want.
So here is where the problem lies. My mom likes to invite EVERYONE she knows to stuff like this. Our wedding guest list was a HUGE fight. We held our wedding at a hotel downtown and it cost approx $100 per person for dinner. We had approx 300 people there. Each set of parents gave us a very generous gift towards paying for the wedding, but then DH and I footed the rest of the bill. It got so bad at one point that I had to tell my mom that her list was cut, and for any additional person she wanted she had to pay. She did. She gave me a list of extra people she wanted and a check. I felt bad, but it was getting out of control. My bridal shower likewise was huge; however, I had 10 bridesmaids that pitched in so it was manageable.
DH is already flipping out about how I need to have a serious convo with my mom about how many people she can invite and we can't have a big shower, etc. He says its ridiculous and she needs to significantly cut her guest list. I agree with him, but when I tried to approach this to my mom yesterday she got really upset. She is the type of person that wants everyone there and is afraid of hurting anyone's feelings. I worry about my parents because I want them to be able to afford to retire one day and I'm worried that will never happen. My mom has worked at the same job her entire life, so she feels like she needs to invite every single co-worker. Its crazy, but how do I tell her who to invite when she is the one footing the bill?
In a similar fashion, she wants me to invite all of my female neighbors. I barely know them but she tells me I'll regret it if I don't. I will def draw the line there, but that's the type of person she is--she wants to invite all the people. I just pulled up my bridal shower guest l had saved on my computer and my mom's portion of the list was 68 people. That doesn't include my friends, co-workers, etc.
I'm just frustrated because I feel like I am stuck between my DH and mother. I want to make both happy, but someone will be upset. Is DH being unreasonable or my mom? How would you handle? Looking for any input here... (sorry so long!)