Help after the baby comes?

Valancyy · April 2014

What is everyone planning? My husband is taking 2 weeks off work (same as with our other children). My MIL offered to come for a few days (assuming after DH is back at work). I'd really only need her to help out with my older kids. The thing is, I don't really trust her with certain things, like feeding them. She always pushes certain foods that aren't appropriate.

No one came with my 2nd. My MIL came for one night with our 1st (we were desperate after a crazy night). She did help to figure out how to get him to sleep.

Anyway...I'm leaning toward not having anyone come this time. After 2 weeks I think I should be feeling better, have an idea of how to manage all 3 kids. Plus, my husband works from home.

What are everyone else's plans? Sometimes I think having people over to "help" is more trouble that it's worth.

[Deleted User] · April 2014

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BabyM82714 · April 2014

I'm a FTM with only one on the way. BFwworks seasonally. So he will have 4 weeks off. He could take six if he wanted but honestly I don't think I'll want him too. I'll be breastfeeding so baby will need to be attached to me majority of the time. He can help change and hold but I think he will get bored coped up in the house and won't be able to really help much besides dinner and stuff. My mom lives two doors down but I really don't feel like I want to much help while I'm learning how to be a mom, am vulnerablly emotional, sore and overwhelmed. I'm going to want to develop a routine and my new normal and I feel like excess people will just get in the way. If mom.offers to come over while I shower or nap I'll take it though! But that's really all the help I could sanely handle.

smfdjo · April 2014

Other than the few days my husband will take off I won't have any extra help. Figure I might as well get used to it.

ungraceful13 · April 2014

DH is taking 2 weeks off. My mom and MIL live close so I imagine they will come as needed/as they wish. My SIL visited a couple times with DD as well. I have lots of family and friends that will come by as needed but I figure after 2 weeks I will have a handle on things and may only really need help occupying DD's time.

Jenrileysmom · April 2014

With my husband, it will depend on what day of the week I go into labor. He works away through the week and he'll start driving separate from the other guys closer to my due date so he can head home when he gets the call. He will then stay home the rest of the week, I'm sure. I'm not sure exactly how many days he will be off work after that, if any. After that we'll be on our own with my DD (7) being my little helper

Soon-To-BeMrs.P · April 2014

DH will be home for the first week and my mom will drive up on the first 4-5 weekends to help with baby, laundry, cleaning, etc as needed. This is our first so no other kids to worry about. MIL would be here everyday if we allowed it--but she.would.definitely be more work than help!

enigmasara · April 2014

smfdjo said:

Other than the few days my husband will take off I won't have any extra help. Figure I might as well get used to it.

Same here. H is taking off one week starting on the day I start labor, which only gives us a few days at home. I don't have any family in the area & not sure I want MIL around. I'm sure my mom will come at some point, but we have no set plans & it will depend on her new job/vacation time. I'm a FTM but I'm sure I can figure it out & have friends around that I'm sure will be a bit of a support system.

Jenrileysmom · April 2014

Honestly, I'm not the type of person that would want someone around all the time....even if they were there to help. I remember when DD was a baby, a couple times in the first few weeks my sister came down to watch her for an afternoon so I could sleep. I would rather call people if I need help rather than having them show up and stay for awhile.

Of course, my family is local so I can understand how it would be different if no one lived close by.

smfdjo · April 2014

I wonder if this is a culture or particular part of the country thing because I also can't imagine my Mom or MIL coming to stay with me after to help. Sure maybe a few hours every now and then to get a nap in or go out but I never expected anyone else to help. Not that it is a bad thing,

Jennicillin · April 2014

My husband will be deployed when baby comes so both of my parents are coming. My dad will help with the dogs and kids while I'm in labor so my mom can help at the hospital, then they will both help at the house for about another week after I'm released. Since I HAVE TO have them there when I go into labor (we will have just moved, I'll know nobody and have no other childcare options) they may end up being in town for 3 weeks to a month. Just cause you can't schedule labor....

I have other family, inlaws, aunts, etc... coming in and out for long weekends or the like for the next two months after.

I would normally hate having that many people in and out right after baby, but I would also normally have a spouse. So my situation is unique

pmpkn219 · April 2014

I'm not sure how long H will take, as much as we need, he can work remotely if need be, but usually goes into the office. Last time he was with me all Tuesday in labor, then stayed out the rest of the week, back on Monday.

My mom and MIL both offered to watch the baby a week when I go back at work, so the transition of pumping, back to work, dropping off 2 kiddos will be delayed another 2 weeks, that's nice! Last time my mom stayed with us through J's first week (she went home the day after H went back to work). It was good having her there, she fed me! and she's not the type to expect to be entertained, her company was easy to have around, and she had experience BFing which was nice too.

abirdd9 · April 2014

Nobody offered to help after our first and I highly doubt anyone will offer this time either even though both of our families are within a half hour drive of us and all 3 of my sisters live within minutes. MH is probably taking a week off and then it'll be all me. I'm not really worried about it because I think peoples idea of 'helping' is coming over and holding the baby while I take care of my house and deal with my (will be at the time) 3 year old. I'd rather my house be a bit messy and there be a pile of dishes that MH can manage when he gets home from work. Even if someone did come over and wasn't explicitly offering housekeeping help I wouldn't feel comfortable asking them to do anything for me anyway.

abirdd9 · April 2014

scarfbandit said:

I like to handle things on my own. If anyone wants to help they could bring dinner over or keep my other kids for a day or night but I'm pretty possessive of my newborns..I rarely put them down!

All of this, and mostly the bold.

BeachM · April 2014

DH may be gone for 2 weeks shortly after my due date. He's putting in a leave request after the change of command on his ship so hopefully it gets approved and he can stay behind from what they are doing. My parents will help out a lot and would regardless, but I will really need them if he's gone and I can't drive for 2 weeks since I'm having a RCS.

marathonmommy82 · April 2014

H will be home for a couple of weeks -- and then for a month alone with the baby when I go back to work after 12 weeks .

With DS I had terrible PPD and PPA so we ended up going to my parent's house for a week.

This time we'll stay here but family will visit. All grandparents live within 30 min and are involved -- we're fortunate .

caybeh · April 2014

DH is taking two weeks. My mom and MIL have both offered to come, but I don't know how long each plan on coming. They'll come at different times. In my head, I plan that I will have some help for mostly four weeks. It may not be everyday, but I think it will be about that. With DS, DH took a week and half off. Then my mom came for a few days each for two weeks. By the time she came, I actually felt pretty good. She cooked, and folded clothes, but then we would hang out and go shopping. Hoping for just as good recovery this time, but it probably won't happen!

Jennyfahh · April 2014

DH gets 10 days and my mom will be flying up for 2-3 weeks. I'm so excited since I only get to see my family maybe 2-3 times a year! She came out for a month to Guam when DS was born and was super helpful when I had no freakin' clue what I was doing and zero support after DH went back to work.

rockyrollgirl · April 2014

H will help, but so will my mom and MIL. Probably unnecessary, but if they want to cook dinner and clean I am not going to complain about it.

Allison7 · April 2014

DH gets a week off and my parents live close. When DH goes back to work my mom will come over during the day to help with meals and take care of the baby a bit so I can get some sleep. I suspect the ILs will arrive sometime in September or early October...but that will be more of a visit/meet the baby.

chase16 · April 2014

FI is taking about 3-4 weeks off, and I am think my mom is flying down for a week or so sometime in September. Maybe. I keep forgetting to hammer out details with her.

GinnyJ2012 · April 2014

DH gets time off for paternity leave, 2 weeks I think. My MIL will come stay with DS if I go early enough, but she's a teacher and has class the first week of August. My neighbor will have him otherwise. My mom will come at some point for a week like she did with DS. She's an amazing help and stocks the freezer with meals for after she leaves, cleans, and has said shell watch the new baby while I spend time with DS.
If I need help after family leaves I plan on calling one of my neighbors.

tabaskoa · April 2014

My H will take about a week. My parents live around the block from us and my ILs live 30 min away so I'm sure they will be available to "help" whenever I need it. My parents will be taking my DS to preschool and bringing him home (haven't decided if he'll be going full time or if I'll take him back to part time yet). So it'll just be me and the baby during the day and I like it like that.

Honestly, when people came over all they ever wanted to do was bring dinner (appreciated, except the pizza my FIL brought ever Thursday got old), and hold the baby. I don't need help holding the baby thanks lol. What would be really helpful is if they would bring over real dinners that we can reheat or pay to have our house cleaned once or twice.

RunningJ · April 2014

DH will likely take two weeks off, then when he's back at work he will have a lot of flexibility- which will be nice in a pinch. His office is literally 5 blocks from our house- so he may stop by a few times while off for the two weeks, but no biggie.

My parents will come up for a week around Labor Day. My ILs live in town and I am sure they will stop by a lot. My MIL is super helpful and I have a feeling I will like having her around. If not, they are not invasive so I doubt I'd have to tell her to back off if I need space. My SIL and sister both attend college close by so they'll be in and out as well. I will really appreciate my sister because I can text her to bring us food or run errands.

whineandcheeze · April 2014

Dh is self employed so when he's not working he's not making money. He says he will take around 3 days off but I am pushing for a week. We'll see.....

After he goes back to work my mom is coming into town and will stay with us for a week. After my mom leaves MIL is flying in from Canada and will stay at least a week. Both mom's are coming specifically to help grocery shop/cook/clean/laundry/etc.. (they offered).

I figure I will have help for the first 3 weeks and I'm happy with that. I'm not worried about taking care of the baby- but all the other crap that goes along with running a household while being sleep deprived. It will be nice not to worry about it and I'm very lucky!

lburkey21 · April 2014

abirdd9 said:

scarfbandit said:

I like to handle things on my own. If anyone wants to help they could bring dinner over or keep my other kids for a day or night but I'm pretty possessive of my newborns..I rarely put them down!
All of this, and mostly the bold.

I feel like this will be me as well. However, we will have what is going to seem like a revolving door after the baby comes. Not sure yet how much time DH is going to take off. I'm a FTM and this will be the first grandbaby for my parents so they want to come right away - they'll be here for a week most likely. Then my MIL is planning to come, most likely over lapping by a day or so with my parents so they can visit each other too (all our family lives out of state). I'm guessing she'll stay for probably 5 days. Then a week or so later my FIL will come for a long weekend.

shutaff · April 2014

My hubby gets 10 days paternity leave and will probably take a few more. My parents will come out when she is born and probably stay a few days, and then hopefully we will have a breather before his parents come for a few days. I know my mom will help some, but I am not really looking at our parents coming out as helpers, just more as visitors.

mhbraymer · April 2014

As of right now DH will have about 3 weeks off. I'm not sure I will want him to take all that time off though. I think a week will be good then maybe 2 weeks in September with helping me get dd to school. My ILs live right up the street so I know they will help with the older two and my cousin lives like 10 minutes away and will also help. My parents might come down or we will make the trip up to them.

+RBL+ · April 2014

We haven't discussed how much time H will take off but he works from home so even when he goes back to work he will help here and there, when he can. Otherwise, DS will continue going to daycare and all of my family lives within minutes and will likely stop by. No one will stay with us. If MIL/FIL come to visit they will stay in a hotel. They came for 4 days with DS. It was ok, but I was ready for them to go.

torooji · April 2014

H is taking 8 weeks. He might not take them continuously, though. It's possible he'll take the 2 weeks after delivery and then spread the rest out over the 20 wks I'm at home. We're going to play it by ear and see how I'm doing and how things are going at his work since I'm due during his busy time.

Other than that, no one else. Both grandmas offered to come but we declined. My mom said she could come for a few weeks but she and dad are full time caregivers for my grandmother and I could tell from talking to her that the idea of leaving my dad was making her anxious. It seemed like she was offering out of worry for me. She was so relieved when I told her I would be fine on my own and that she should stay with my grandmother.

And we said no to MIL just because I kinda think having her there would be more stressful than helpful. She'd have been flying across the country for like 3 or 4 days so it would've been a very rushed/hectic trip. She and H both have really strong personalities and I can see them fighting over silly things. Plus, since I tend to back down with her, H is usually extra stubborn to compensate. I can see myself wanting to do something a certain way but then giving in when she disagrees with me, and then H making a big deal so she won't get her way. It just feels like it would be so chaotic.

chase16 · April 2014

FI gets 10 "free" days of Paternity leave through the Army. He can take more after that (so he'll be off for 3-4 weeks, but it's chargeable leave. (you accumulate 30 days of leave a year to use whenever). I have 6 "free" weeks of maternity leave, and can take up to 8 weeks with 2 weeks of chargeable leave.

Raclla · April 2014

My parents will stay at the house and watch DD and the animals while I'm in the hospital. Then they'll go home. (I think - they were really helpful after DD was born. My mom cooked and cleaned for a week after she was born)

DH will take off a week or so. He can work remote so it'll be really flexible.

Both of my parents are retired now, so all I have to do is say the word and they'll come back for however long. They live 8 hours away.
They have the option of sleeping on an air mattress with us or at the ILs house in a spare room. Thankfully, everyone gets along really well.

Help after the baby comes?

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