Lots of Appointment Stress- Update in OP

MrsP419 · April 2014

UPDATE- 4/30!

So today at Bible Study, the Women's Ministry President made an announcement from the front about our needs and passed around a signup sheet. Today alone, over half of the appointment slots were filled, and another group of women signed up to receive the Care Calendar and signed up from home. I am so blessed and grateful, and feeling much better. Between my mom and some backup friends and my husband, we should be totally fine :-)

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I thought about posting this in the bitch-fest thread, but I really am legitimately stressed out about this. Maybe some other mamas are going through the same thing.

I am winding down in my twin pregnancy. I have just over 5 weeks until my C-section (!!!) and am measuring full term now, and have been for several weeks (so I am wildly uncomfortable, and soon will measure bigger than 40 weeks). I also have a 4 year old and 2 year old at home, so things are a little crazy. Starting tomorrow, I begin a twice weekly appointment schedule. Every week I have to have 2 NSTs, a weekly fluid check, and an occasional growth U/S and/or OB visit. When I have back-to-back appointments, I end up spending 2+ hrs at the doctors (if not more, and sometimes they can go over unexpectedly if they need additional testing), and my OB/hospital is an hour away. So needless to say, it is a big chunk of time twice a week for driving + appointments, and I need help with rides and childcare. I am not allowed to bring my kids without another adult because I am hooked up to monitors and u/s machines (and my kids would go nuts anyway), and even with another adult, brining a 2 and 4 year old for regular 2 hour car trips and 2+ hour appointments messes them up quite a bit. I also like to have someone drive with me because the appointments are so far and my body is so uncomfortable (and the appointments totally wipe me out so I feel like I could fall asleep the whole way home).

Up until this point, the appointments have been spread out to once every 2 weeks, so getting help has been a bit unpredictable, but still doable. But now, I need to have regular help with childcare and appointments. I belong to an awesome church full of stay home moms and retired women who have been asking the whole pregnancy how they can help us, and up until this point, we have not needed much. But now, a dear woman from our church has made me a Care Calendar with all my appointments outlined so people can sign up to help watch my big kids and/or drive with me. And NO ONE is signing up. I know that it is a lot to ask of anyone, and I know that ultimately caring for my kids and my pregnancy is my responsibility, and I appreciate any and all help we get, but I really don't know what to do. I am a stay-home mom and though we have done a pretty good job with working finances out this pregnancy (twins are a big surprise!), there is no way we could possibly afford to pay a sitter for 4+ hours a day, twice a week. We are relying on voluntary help from family and friends. And this is not a situation where I can suck it up and drive myself/bring my kids. I am not allowed to bring them alone, and driving myself that distance is really difficult, and I physically can't deal with them if they melt down at the doctor's. Sometimes if I get one volunteer, we will all go together and I will go to my appt and the friend will take the kids to Target or to walk around outside, but it majorly messes with their schedule (my 2 year old naps still). I am sure we will get help and people are just putting off actually signing up, but I just wish that if people were going to help, they would let me know so I can stop worrying! Without having gone through a twin pregnancy, a lot of people don't understand how much there is to plan logistically.

Anyway, that is my vent. I check my care-calendar the way some people check their registries! I am just hoping it all works out in a way that does not put too much stress of my kids/me. Again, I know I am very VERY blessed to be receiving any help like this at all. It is just hard to not always know where it is coming from.

kk627 · April 2014

I'm sorry you going through this stressful situation. Sometimes life hits us with the unexepted, and all we can do is persevere through it. Just remind yourself that this is a temporary situation. It will be over soon.

In the meantime, take a deep breathe and just do the best you can. I'm sorry people are not signing up. Maybe you can reach out to the people that you're most comfortable with, instead of waiting for them to sign up.

katekat8721 · April 2014

(((Hugs)))

Twin pregnancies are rough mama! But to have other kiddos to take care of while pregnant with twins?! Holy crap, I cannot imagine. So first, take a deep breath and pat yourself on the back because you're freaking Superwoman for making it this far and doing all you're doing!

I think it's totally understandable to feel stressed out about this. I hope more people will sign up for your Care Calendar because that will take a huge amount of stress off you. It's always frustrating when people ask the whole time "what can I do?" or "let me know what I can do to help!" and then you tell them and no help is to be found.

Do you have family/friends close by that you can take with to appts? Can hubby take some time off work (maybe every other appt) and be at home for a few hours to watch the kids? Is it possible to talk to the doc and see if you can stretch out some appts?

My doc doesn't do weekly appts and/or NSTs unless something starts looking bad. If all is still looking well maybe ask if he'd be okay with weekly appts (instead of 2x/week)? Just throwing ideas out there!

tbmadeamistake · April 2014

Have you had a talk with your doctor about the situation? If you don't have a choice, you have to bring them. I know a lot of hospitals have daycares for doctor's kids. Perhaps because its a special situation ehyd let you use that at little/no cost? I'm sure they would rather see you with the kids than not see you without the kids, if that makes sense. Ask what your options are and be blunt about your lack of resources.

courtneyjean1980 · April 2014

I organize the care calendars for families at my son's preschool, and it never ceases to amaze me how people just put off signing up when all they say is "how can I help?"! I find that I almost always end up actively recruiting in the end. It's not that people don't want to help, they just get busy and distracted and forget.

If you aren't comfortable directly asking individuals to sign up, could you explain the situation to whoever set up the schedule (or a friend at the church) and get that person to recruit on your behalf? I know it's really hard to admit to needing help sometimes, I personally hate asking for help because by the time I do, I'm so upset I end up crying! But I'm always happy and grateful in the end that I've asked for help.

I also agree with PP, see if your doctor can do anything to alleviate the strain of the schedule.

Hang in there!

hjl050308 · April 2014

I don't have the same experience with the child care issues but I understand the appointment factors (between regular OB, weekly progesterone shots, and now weekly NSTs) and trying to juggle with work.

I have no advice to give but wanted to say hang in there!

MrsP419 · April 2014

katekat8721 is right; twin pregnancies are exceptionally hard (shoot, high risk pregnancies at all are hard), but having LOs complicates it further (though they are also sweet and helpful and bring me joy :-)).

To address some of your options: I do not know what kind of childcare the OB/hospital offers, if any. The only place they are really not allowed to go to is the MFM, which is a satellite office above my OB. They have two techs, a doc, a receptionist, and a very tiny waiting room, so even if they were allowed it would be a nightmare. The OB office has a nice waiting room and they are perfectly fine with me bringing kids, but I don't think there is any staff who can watch them. My other appts are ultrasounds, so even if the were allowed, I cannot really do anything with them when I am on a table. I have the option of bringing them with another adult (which it looks like I will have to do tomorrow), but it messes up their day (my 2 year old will nap on the way home which means he won't take an afternoon nap which means I don't get to rest in the afternoon after being at appointments all day).

I am not sure if I can do fewer appointments. I do think my OB tends to be over cautious, especially for di/di twins. Maybe I could limit the NSTs, but there are very few appointment days where I just have an NST. They often fall on the same days as a fluid check (weekly), OB appt (every other week), or growth scan (every 3 weeks), so even if I limited my NSTs to once a week, chances are I would end up having to go back for something else. The schedule was entirely pre-made and co-ordinated by a team of high risk nurses, working between three different offices (OB, MFM, and hospital), so I am a bit afraid to mess with it ;-).

I have some close family and friends who are fill-ins, but I am trying to use them as a last resort. For example, my mom has off on Fridays and can watch them, but I am trying to see if I get other people before I ask her every single Friday, as it is her only day off and she will be watching them several days a week all summer after the babies come. DH has some work flexibility, but again we are trying not to over do him taking off because I will need him MORE after the twins get here.

I think that it is like @courtneyjean1980 said: people are willing to help and sign up, but just have been putting it off or forgot. Thankfully, the woman in charge (God bless her- she is a recently retired woman from my church and she fills in and helps with my kids at least once a week as is) is not afraid to go after people if she needs to. I am sure it will all work out; I just need to stop being a micro-manager and trust. God has made a way and given us incredible support this far; I am sure HE won't stop now!

izzetoot · April 2014

Wow, that sucks mama. I will no longer complain about my 2 weekly appts, bc Im usually in and out in an hour and a half on the same day. Will they not let you schedule them on the same day so you don't have to drive an hour away twice a week? And with the kiddo's?? The nurses at my office are super helpful, maybe ask them if they have a daycare in the hospital/office or if they'd mind helping you? ((((hugs))))

curlylocks3 · April 2014

I don't have any good suggestions, just lots of hugs for you. Like you said, people do not understand how rough a twin pregnancy is unless they've been there before. Its hard to explain that even a doctor appointment or NST wears you out- after all you're just sitting in a recliner for th NST so it should be relaxing but totally isn't. It's hard and painful, and while I don't have a singleton pregnancy to compare it to, I have to imagine it is totally different because if it weren't people would NOT keep having kids!
I hope that things get straightened out soon but in the meantime I am always here to listen to a vent if needed, even if I can't fully grasp how difficult this is to do PLUS taking care of two kids! Like @katekat8721, you really are a supermom!

Ahug77 · April 2014

Boo. You have every reason to be stressed. I'm glad the lady from church is willing to ask people and I hope she does! All best!!!

babygabe614 · April 2014

I don't have any advice but just wanted to say I think your feelings are totally justified and I hope you can find something that works to help ease the stress. That is the last thing you need during these final weeks. Hugs, lady!

temursgirl · April 2014

Asking people directly will probably do the trick. @courtneyjean1980 is right, people forget and don't get around to things, but would be happy to step up if called upon. I also understand why you don't want to ask your mom to do more, but don't rule out that option. Your oldest must go to school, so does he/she have any little buddies whose house they could play at some of the time?

And I agree you cannot really depend on your OB's staff watching your kids. A 2-y-o would need them to pay full attention and they really can't since they're at work.

ETA: a working tag

Mom&nurse · April 2014

Sounds like you are getting great advice from others. I will pray you don't have to go on bed rest !! That's rough. Then you really find out who is there for you!! Praying that God keeps you and your babies happy and healthy and cooking as long as they need to. Try to stay calm, easier said then done I know.

Cherylwang · April 2014

I'm sorry you have so much going on! That sounds hard. Maybe you can have the nice woman that made the care calander also make a announcement at church explaining the full situation. If people hear it maybe they will be more eager to help out. I hope things get better and the next 5 weeks will hurry up!

kibean · April 2014

I am only having one and have no other kids, but I am with you on the 3x weekly appointments an hour away. It is a total drain on my energy just getting out there, waiting around because they are always running late, having to catch up on missed work, and even sitting in the bed in one position for however long it takes. I don't have any advice, but I relate and can't imagine how hard it must be with other children. It sometimes helps me to remember that this is finite and will end in the next 6 weeks or less. Good luck!