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Am I an A-hole? (long post)

Ekg688Ekg688 member
in July 2014 Moms
Backround story: My MIL has the type of relationship where she's involved with us when she wants to be. She's asked about my pregnancy here and there and I'm always nice and try to keep her in the loop even though she's spotty at best.
DH and I have pretty much decided on a name but we want to actually see her so we know for sure.

SO MIL wants to personalize things for us and I've told her that we're waiting until we see her. She's not happy with this answer bc SIL (her daughter) had EVERYTHING decided very early on.
Like an idiot, I registered (awhile ago) for wooden letters that spell out the name. Being that all the letters came to a total of $70, I assumed NO ONE would be buying them for me and we'd buy them after she was born. Of course, didn't someone buy them. So now I feel like a TOTAL ASSHOLE that MIL is pissed that I will be opening her unpersonalized gifts, but yet someone has boughten us these letters.

Obviously the letters are return-able where the items she's making/buying wouldn't be. Thats basically the only argument I have lol. So am I a total asshole?
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Re: Am I an A-hole? (long post)

  • January BrideJanuary Bride member
    I don't think you're an ass for not wanting to share the name in case you change it.  That is totally your right.  However, I definitely would have held off on registering for letters that spell the baby's name - but that's a moot point.

    At this point, I would just tell MIL the name (or she probably figured it out from the letters?) so she doesn't feel as though you are keeping this secret from her and not the person who bought the letters.  But I would definitely still explain to her that you may change the baby's name if it doesn't feel right once you meet her.

    Maybe MIL could wait to order the personalized things until the baby's name is final? Explain to her that the letters are returnable and that's the only reason you registered for them.  I understand her excitement in wanting to get the baby something personalized, but it's really common for parents to wait to finalize a baby's name until they are born.  Good luck!
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  • Ekg688Ekg688 member
    Everyone knows the name we like. But MIL hasn't even glanced at our registry. She's getting us what SHE thinks we need and want. So she won't even know about the letters until the shower.
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  • jnnfrrose6jnnfrrose6 member
    livelaughlove88 said:
    I'm sorry but I'm stuck on the word "boughten." But seriously, maybe you could just say you're making an alphabet wall in the nursery? Don't hold up all the letters when you open them.

    Me too but I couldn't think of anything to say that wasn't too snarky. Thank you for pointing it out. I also have an issue with the assumption that the letters will be opened as a gift in front of MIL.the whole thing may be moot.
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  • Allison546Allison546 member
    Just tell your MIL at this point. It will be awkward at the shower if you don't tell her and you open the letters.
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  • lindslalalalindslalala member
    Not an asshole, but you shouldn't have registered for the letters. This was obviously a possibility, you know?
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  • ghostof5lettersghostof5letters member
    You need to tell the name to your MIL. If you open those letters at the shower she's going to be hurt and yes, you'll be perceived as an asshole.

    Registering for the letters was a stupid mistake but you can resolve all of this by telling her the name before the shower
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  • Ekg688Ekg688 member
    We have told everyone the name we really like! It's not a secret lol
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  • Ekg688Ekg688 member
    MIL in making a be deal of the whole thing bc SIL had her name set in stone at 18 weeks! MIL is mad that we have a name picked but won't "set it in stone" until she's born.
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  • Nichole8787Nichole8787 member
    I completely understand you not wanting to get anything personalized yet. I love our los name and have wanted it since before I was even pregnant, Baylor, I LOOOVEEE IT! But I'm still not ordering anything with the name or monogramming anything. Things change, the name isn't on a birth certificate so who knows....That being said if she's an adult she should understand your reasoning and logic behind not wanting things monogrammed. Just tell her the name but that you don't want to jinx it by monogramming. If you don't tell her that's when it gets to be an asshole move.
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  • CsltdkCsltdk member
    ghostof5letters said:

    How can you possibly say "we're not telling anyone the name" and then register for something personalized? Actually, you told everyone except your MIL the name, and that's shitty

    This.
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  • CsltdkCsltdk member
    Ekg688 said:

    MIL in making a be deal of the whole thing bc SIL had her name set in stone at 18 weeks! MIL is mad that we have a name picked but won't "set it in stone" until she's born.

    It sounds like you are making it more if a big deal than what it really is. She's trying to do something nice and in your original post you mentioned nothing of you MIL comparing you to your SIL, seems like you are doing that yourself
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  • ghostof5lettersghostof5letters member
    jessa8907 said:
    ghostof5letters said:
    How can you possibly say "we're not telling anyone the name" and then register for something personalized? Actually, you told everyone except your MIL the name, and that's shitty
    I'm also still trying to figure out how you thought this was going to go down.
    Exactly!

    Look, no one is forced to buy you ANYTHING for your baby, let alone only things off your registry. Your MIL wants to do something unique and special for her grandchild and you're basically telling her one thing, and by registering for the name, you're telling everyone else something completely different. It comes off very spiteful and hurtful and unnecessary. You're the one causing all of this drama by talking out of both sides of your mouth.  




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