My best friend's wedding...

agentm006 · April 2014

My best friend just got engaged over the weekend and is in full wedding mode. The problem? She asked me today if Mid-August would be too soon after baby for me to stand up with her. I am due July 30th. YES! 2 weeks seems way too soon, but how do I tell her this nicely? It's her big day, and I don't expect for her to arrange her plans around me. I just know that I would never plan something so major that closely to someone else's major event, especially if I really wanted her to be a part of it. She has 2 sisters, so I will be a bridesmaid, not Matron of Honor, so that's good. I did tell her that I didn't want to be the difficult bridesmaid, but was her timeline set? Everything is moving so quickly. She has been with her fiance for 3 years, why the 4 month engagement? Besides, she wants an outdoor wedding, Mid August in Michigan is going to be HOT and humid!

I would do anything for her, but I am not thrilled about it. It may be partly due to her choice in men (I don't approve), but what can I do?

Am I being insensitive, or do you think I am justified in my frustration?

lowerygirl · April 2014

I can see your frustrations, but honestly think you are being a little selfish. It's her wedding and just because your baby is due doesn't mean she needs to plan her wedding around you. Just be upfront that depending on when baby arrives, you may or may not be able to attend and you both need to have understanding of that. Also, if she wants to have her wedding outside, well...I'll say again, it's her wedding. I really don't understand the problem with her only having a 4 month engagement either. IMO, that's really nobody's decision but hers and her fiancé. Maybe after 3 years, they don't want to wait any longer? Either way...I hope it works out for both of you.

jensavicci · April 2014

Well yes that's way too early. And almost 4 months to plan a wedding? Hm ok. Good luck to them! Anyways, I would tell her straight up that that time just will not work for you. You've got to be completely logical about this. Who knows when your baby will come, or whether you'll have a c-section or any other situations that don't match up with the wedding date. A wedding can be changed and moved back. The delivery of a baby? Not so much.

ETA: I wouldn't, however, tell her to move her wedding! That's really not up to you. If she decides to move it because she really wants you there, that's very thoughtful of her but also her decision.

mcvgal · April 2014

I wouldn't be frustrated, but if you don't feel comfortable (and I wouldn't either, you could always go into labor later) just tell her sorry but that is too soon for you but you wish her the best.

jnnfrrose6 · April 2014

Could you do a reading instead of standing up with her? And then that would all be assuming you are both on the same page with the fact that you may not even be able to do that depending on when you actually give birth and what kind of recovery you have.

abunai523 · April 2014

There's no reason to waste time being frustrated about it. I'm in almost the same situation, I agreed to be a bridesmaid over a year ago, they finally just now started planning and put the wedding 3 weeks after my due date (outside, August, Michigan, all the same). I had to make the decision for myself what I was comfortable with, nobody else can really tell me what to do apart from offering their own experience. So I talked to the bride, and since she's one of my oldest friends, I agreed to proceed as planned, I've bought the dress and so-on. But she knows that there's always the possibility that I might not be able to be there at the last minute, and she's ok with that.

You can't tell her to change her wedding date, and you can't tell her how long she should be engaged, or anything else. Just decide if you want to attempt to stand up or not and discuss it with her. And you can always offer to be involved in other ways that might be easier for you.

Skeemer · April 2014

jensavicci said:

Well yes that's way too early. And almost 4 months to plan a wedding? Hm ok. Good luck to them! Anyways, I would tell her straight up that that time just will not work for you. You've got to be completely logical about this. Who knows when your baby will come, or whether you'll have a c-section or any other situations that don't match up with the wedding date. A wedding can be changed and moved back. The delivery of a baby? Not so much. ETA: I wouldn't, however, tell her to move her wedding! That's really not up to you. If she decides to move it because she really wants you there, that's very thoughtful of her but also her decision.

This x's 100.

I personally couldn't/wouldn't have done this 2 weeks post delivery. But yes, I wouldn't ask her to change anything about her wedding. I would just accept or decline.

tourqeyes · April 2014

Pretty much echoing everything else that has been said here already.

I would tell her you feel very honored that she asked you to be in the wedding but the timing isn't ideal. However that you are looking forward to still being a guest at her wedding and see her get married.

[Deleted User] · April 2014

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email2ash · April 2014

I'm retired from being in weddings ... My closet looks like the movie 27 dresses.

I would be honest and upfront that you really can't commit to being in the wedding with a date so close to your due date but you can try your best to be there based on when baby comes

We were invited to a wedding on Aug 2nd over 2 hours away and I'm due July 9th... We won't be going but we will send a gift.

cuntasaurusrex · April 2014

If you don't approve of the wedding, you shouldn't be in it at all, IMO.

jensavicci · April 2014

LiteraChick said:
@jensavicci must be an amateur at planning weddings. I did mine in 3 months ;-)

Lol hey! I mean no disrespect. I'm just always amazed when women pull off great weddings in less than 5 months. Especially when they don't plan on any DIY O.O but hey! That just means I need to start hiring these ppl lol I want them on my team haha.

[Deleted User] · April 2014

Ditto PPs. Between your EDD and the fact that you don't like her fiance, I'd just graciously decline the invite to be in the wedding.

[Deleted User] · April 2014

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Skeemer · April 2014

@jensavicci

One of the best weddings of all time. Take note please.

jensavicci · April 2014

LiteraChick said:
I'll teach you about weddings someday @jensavicci. Here is me on my big day!

Ya know what's really sad about that. I looked at the picture so fast not looking at the faces. So, I really thought it was you O.O lol I mentally yelled out "noooooo litera nooooo!!!!" Lol I am so relieved.

@Skeemer‌ LOL!

VTKatie · April 2014

I would politely decline and let her know you will attend as a guest if possible. That way she isn't stressed out as the day approaches about whether you will part of it. You can't ask her to change the date, but she can't expect you to commit to a wedding that close to your due date. If she is a good friend, she will understand.

chrinikki1 · April 2014

TELL HER!! I felt the same way with my brother's wedding... They scheduled it 6 weeks out. It's the most stressful thing I've ever committed to. I regret not tell him the truth and rather just letting them plan it when they want (who am I to say when they should have it). I HAVE to be at the wedding as he is my best friend. But because I didn't speak up, I did it to myself. Just guessing the dress size measurements alone was horrible not to mention the stress of what if LO comes early, what if C/S, what if he's colicky, etc. it's a nightmare and I'm dreading the damn thing because I didn't speak up. Talk about ruinning a life event that we should be able to reminisce for years. Now all I have to look forward to is it being over. DONT DO THAT TO YOURSELF OR HER!

cakebatter27 · April 2014

I would decline. Babies are on their own time line and the wedding is set. I could never do it that close.

I'd explain why and ask to be included in a different way.

Nichole8787 · April 2014

I would decline...but I hell hate being in weddings and will only be in my closest of closest friends weddings. You can decline politely and still be supportive of the marriage.

agentm006 · April 2014

Thank you all!

While I don't approve of her fiance, she is still my best friend and I am going to support her no matter what and in whatever way possible. I don't expect her to change anything for me, I only asked if she is flexible about the dates because this is all so early in the planning stages. I would prefer if it was later in the fall, but it is her day, not mine.

I posted this less than an hour after she texted me about the possible date, and I think a combination of hormones and a little shock over the super quick engagement threw me!

aimeepigott · April 2014

My due date is July 30 and I'm in a wedding on Aug 24.

Mrs.DeRuysscher · April 2014

I would say talk with her about it. We have a friends wedding reception (they are going away and then coming back for a reception) the weekend just after my due date they are both good friends of ours and understand we may not be able to make it. I wish her luck in planning a wedding that quickly she may not be able to have everything she wants including the dress or bridesmaids dresses ect. As it takes a bit of time for orders.. we planned our wedding in a year if we had less time I would have just went some wheres tropical lol.be honest being your best friend you want to help her..maybe there's another reason for a quick wedding....

AMcLaws · April 2014

I planned my wedding in 4 months. But mine was SUPER low key. (And, being Mormon, we do quick engagements with simple receptions...typically). I would decline to stand, because it's really not realistic to commit yourself when you just don't know how you'll be feeling. Assure her you'll attend as a guest if due date/baby allows. But I wouldn't say anything to try to away her plans.