Is it ok to cry it out?

MrsPmac · April 2014

My LO will be 3 weeks tomorrow. He has decided the only way he will sleep during the day is of he is being held! Every time I put him down, no matter where, he wakes up. Is it OK to let him cry himself back to sleep? How long have you let your baby cry?

cgoldian · April 2014

Too early

Andrewsgal · April 2014

I am really hoping this is a joke but if not my nicest answer is HELL NO! You don't ever let a 3 week old cry it out. Hold your freaking baby.

edoliesmom · April 2014

My pedi told me that it's okay to let babies cry it out (even when he met my daughter who was only 2 days old at the time!). He said let them cry for 15 minutes after you make sure all their needs have been met. After those 15 minutes, he said it's okay to go and comfort them, reassure them you're still there, make sure they don't need anything else, but then put them back down. I wasn't really comfortable with this idea. I, personally, would only start doing this after they're maybe 6 months or older.

Andrewsgal · April 2014

SLSchuerg said:

My pedi told me that it's okay to let babies cry it out (even when he met my daughter who was only 2 days old at the time!). He said let them cry for 15 minutes after you make sure all their needs have been met. After those 15 minutes, he said it's okay to go and comfort them, reassure them you're still there, make sure they don't need anything else, but then put them back down. I wasn't really comfortable with this idea. I, personally, would only start doing this after they're maybe 6 months or older.

holy shit you need a new ped now! No way in hell would I trust a ped who gave this horrible advice.

thomas930 · April 2014

No it is not ok. Your baby is brand new to this world and needs you.

At this age babies cry to let us know they need something, be is food, warmth, clean diaper, or just closeness. Its normal for baby to want to be held, they just spent nine months being held.

Have you looked into baby wearing so that you can at least be hands free?

Edit: typos

Jessimax · April 2014

My LO just started sleeping in her crib (she was 3 weeks on Saturday). I had the same problem, she would only sleep in my arms. Keep trying to put her in the crib (are you swaddling?) she is too young to cry it out.

edoliesmom · April 2014

Andrewsgal said:

SLSchuerg said:

My pedi told me that it's okay to let babies cry it out (even when he met my daughter who was only 2 days old at the time!). He said let them cry for 15 minutes after you make sure all their needs have been met. After those 15 minutes, he said it's okay to go and comfort them, reassure them you're still there, make sure they don't need anything else, but then put them back down. I wasn't really comfortable with this idea. I, personally, would only start doing this after they're maybe 6 months or older.

holy shit you need a new ped now! No way in hell would I trust a ped who gave this horrible advice.

Honestly, I've been considering it, and not just for that reason. He was my husband's pedi when he was a kid, and my MIL bragged about him so much. Buuuut I don't know if he's a good fit for us.

Andrewsgal · April 2014

SLSchuerg said:

Andrewsgal said:

SLSchuerg said:

My pedi told me that it's okay to let babies cry it out (even when he met my daughter who was only 2 days old at the time!). He said let them cry for 15 minutes after you make sure all their needs have been met. After those 15 minutes, he said it's okay to go and comfort them, reassure them you're still there, make sure they don't need anything else, but then put them back down. I wasn't really comfortable with this idea. I, personally, would only start doing this after they're maybe 6 months or older.

holy shit you need a new ped now! No way in hell would I trust a ped who gave this horrible advice.

Honestly, I've been considering it, and not just for that reason. He was my husband's pedi when he was a kid, and my MIL bragged about him so much. Buuuut I don't know if he's a good fit for us.

He sounds very old school. I wouldn't be able to trust that he was up to date on the newest research

EmmaD312 · April 2014

The only person crying it out in this house at 3 weeks was me! Baby's way too little.

MapleLeafMama · April 2014

No.

strawberrytree · April 2014

If you do choose to cry it out, 3 weeks is FAR too young. I don't think sleep training is recommended at all before 6 months.

zazu13 · April 2014

There's a difference between fussing and crying. My girls will fuss for a few minutes when I first put them down, but then usually drift to sleep. I'm not an octopus and sometimes one has to cry for a bit because I'm tending to the other, but generally If they cry I go to them. I've found I dont always have pick them up. A hand on their chest, shhhing, and rocking their RnP will often soothe them to sleep. I second the suggestions to swaddle, baby wear and use a rock n play! Also, if you are feeling frazzled it is always safer to let a baby cry in a safe place than let yourself get to a frustration point that could be dangerous. Im not saying you would intentionally shake your baby,but it does happen. Good luck.

KatieGummow · April 2014

zazu13 said:
There's a difference between fussing and crying. My girls will fuss for a few minutes when I first put them down, but then usually drift to sleep. I'm not an octopus and sometimes one has to cry for a bit because I'm tending to the other, but generally If they cry I go to them. I've found I dont always have pick them up. A hand on their chest, shhhing, and rocking their RnP will often soothe them to sleep. I second the suggestions to swaddle, baby wear and use a rock n play! Also, if you are feeling frazzled it is always safer to let a baby cry in a safe place than let yourself get to a frustration point that could be dangerous. Im not saying you would intentionally shake your baby,but it does happen. Good luck.

I agree with this.

LittleLady77 · April 2014

KatieGummow said:

There's a difference between fussing and crying. My girls will fuss for a few minutes when I first put them down, but then usually drift to sleep. I'm not an octopus and sometimes one has to cry for a bit because I'm tending to the other, but generally If they cry I go to them. I've found I dont always have pick them up. A hand on their chest, shhhing, and rocking their RnP will often soothe them to sleep. I second the suggestions to swaddle, baby wear and use a rock n play! Also, if you are feeling frazzled it is always safer to let a baby cry in a safe place than let yourself get to a frustration point that could be dangerous. Im not saying you would intentionally shake your baby,but it does happen. Good luck.
I agree with this.

All this. Actually letting them CIO at this age isn't healthy at all.

MrsPmac · April 2014

I am a FTM and my ped also suggested letting them cry for 15 minutes at a time if all their needs have been met. I have not tried it. I was just wanted to know if other were doing this! 15 minutes seems like a very long time for such a little baby. And it sounds like other mommies are not doing this. So that makes me feel better about just holding him instead of letting him cry!

Ashleypixie · April 2014

Hold your baby. You don't need to get everything done, that's what husbands are for. It does gradually get better.

*sparky* · April 2014

Also try watching the Happiest Baby on the Block. It has great tools for soothing your LO.

MadBloom · April 2014

I've let Penny "fuss" but not cry. I set a timer and if the fussing turns to a cry then I go to her no matter what. Otherwise I give the fussing 5 minutes before I go and readjust her or pick her up to bounce etc.

Alana1977 · April 2014

This stage will pass quickly. Hold your baby - he obviously needs you close right now.

Stace0616 · April 2014

I had to let my baby cry this morning while I was trying to finish up going to the bathroom and it broke my heart. DH and I have decided that if nothing gets done while he is at work, it's fine. We can always tag team the housework together in the evenings. LO is only two weeks old and only sleeps in his crib at night.

Personally, I just try to remind myself that he will only be a newborn for one month. If I have to let him sleep on my chest for hours at a time every day of that month, so be it. We also use a swing, a PnP, and a Boppy next to us on the couch (supervised) throughout the day. There will be plenty of time for sleep training when they are older.

Avion22 · April 2014

Honestly, at this age, I don't think they WILL "cry it out"....they'll just keep crying until that need has been met. Babies cry, it's what they do -- it's the only way they can communicate that something is wrong. So just keep trying, and you'll figure it out. A lot of it at this stage is trial and error. It might mean holding the baby, or walking, rocking, swinging, feeding (again), changing, etc. try watching "The Happiest Baby on the Block." And ditto what PP said -- if you find yourself getting really frustrated, it's okay to set the baby down in a safe place (crib, bouncy seat, etc) for a few minutes, go to another room, and regroup.

lilmama412 · April 2014

What do you guys do if your LO starts screaming in the car? Let them scream or pull over? We live out in the boonies and it is at least a half hour drive to anywhere. DD is normally good in the car, but started screaming as soon as we left the other day. I pulled over twice to sooth her, and she would be okay and then start again as soon as I started driving. I finally just had to let her cry for about 10 min until we got there. Broke my heart, but I couldn't keep pulling over every 3 minutes.

MamaFantastic · April 2014

i think it's important to distinguish between the philosophies of letting an infant cry and truly implementing the actual CIO method. CIO is meant to be done as a system that teaches a baby to learn to self-soothe to sleep. this is usually done around 6 months, but in several books i read, it was noted some babies have the capacity of self soothing as early as 4 months old. CIO shouldn't be used as a last ditch effort... it should be carefully researched and lovingly implemented in those families who feel their particular baby can handle it and who are comfortable with the philosophy of the CIO method (which many families aren't).

letting a newborn cry for a few minutes isn't CIO. it's life. like many other moms of more than one kid who have chimed in above, we have to let tessa cry for a bit at times. it happens every single day, more than once. a week or two ago when we first started using the swing for naps, she had a few times where she'd cry for a few minutes before falling asleep. i usually sat beside her, rubbing her head, shhhhhhing in her ear, telling her a nap was important and she'd feel much happier after she rested, etc... and if her cries turned into a truly unhappy wail, i'd go pick her up and rock her to sleep because i knew she wasn't capable of soothing herself at that point. my rule of thumb is if she's crying and i can't get to her right away or i know she needs to sleep, i do what i can to reassure her in other ways - either by stroking her head or talking to her from another room ("it's ok, mama's coming! hang on one more minute!"). i don't just let her wail on her own on purpose for a long period of time (i'd say anything more than 3-5 minutes is long at this age)

and yet, despite all that noble talk above, there WAS a night a week or two ago when out of desperation and frustration and exhaustion i did just finally put her down in her sleeping seat and lie down in bed and let her cry next to me until she fell asleep. it was a last resort after a lot of failed attempts at soothing and 3 rounds of rocking to sleep with the immediate wakeup after putting her down. it didn't feel great, but i could tell my exasperation was morphing into anger and i made a decision in that moment to just let her cry. she probably wailed for about 10 minutes before falling asleep for the rest of the night. all that to say.... it happens to all of us. it won't ruin your baby in isolated circumstances, but it should NOT be done regularly or deliberately.

we did implement CIO with kiddo when he was a baby... around 4.5-5 months old, i think.

Kencran · April 2014

The car is hard I don't go far alone and usually have one of my other boys in the back to help. As far as crying it out at home I never let lo cry it out this world is to big and insecure. The baby's home was so perfect in the womb and its not so perfect out here loud bright. Etc. to me I perfectly understand why they cry this is a hard transition. They need tons of love and cuddling to make the transition easier. I really never let my kids cry it out even at three years old I let them cool down for a min and return to let them know I'm here and readdress what the issue is.

beautifulstr13 · April 2014

We didn't do cry it out with DS until he was going a whole night without feeding. So, no.

Avion22 · April 2014

@MamaFantastic, thanks so much for clarifying in your post :-)

There is DEFINITELY a difference between letting baby cry for a minute or two (or maybe longer, in the car), and intentionally ignoring your child's crying because you want them to learn to self-soothe.

As long as the baby isn't in immediate danger or extreme discomfort, it's okay to let baby cry for a few minutes if you can't get to him right away (you're in the bathroom, in the car, cooking dinner and need to put down the hot pan before you can tend to the baby). It happens. But we DO tend to them as soon as we can, and that's the difference.

reillyea · April 2014

MamaFantastic said:
i think it's important to distinguish between the philosophies of letting an infant cry and truly implementing the actual CIO method. CIO is meant to be done as a system that teaches a baby to learn to self-soothe to sleep. this is usually done around 6 months, but in several books i read, it was noted some babies have the capacity of self soothing as early as 4 months old. CIO shouldn't be used as a last ditch effort... it should be carefully researched and lovingly implemented in those families who feel their particular baby can handle it and who are comfortable with the philosophy of the CIO method (which many families aren't).

letting a newborn cry for a few minutes isn't CIO. it's life. like many other moms of more than one kid who have chimed in above, we have to let tessa cry for a bit at times. it happens every single day, more than once. a week or two ago when we first started using the swing for naps, she had a few times where she'd cry for a few minutes before falling asleep. i usually sat beside her, rubbing her head, shhhhhhing in her ear, telling her a nap was important and she'd feel much happier after she rested, etc... and if her cries turned into a truly unhappy wail, i'd go pick her up and rock her to sleep because i knew she wasn't capable of soothing herself at that point. my rule of thumb is if she's crying and i can't get to her right away or i know she needs to sleep, i do what i can to reassure her in other ways - either by stroking her head or talking to her from another room ("it's ok, mama's coming! hang on one more minute!"). i don't just let her wail on her own on purpose for a long period of time (i'd say anything more than 3-5 minutes is long at this age)

and yet, despite all that noble talk above, there WAS a night a week or two ago when out of desperation and frustration and exhaustion i did just finally put her down in her sleeping seat and lie down in bed and let her cry next to me until she fell asleep. it was a last resort after a lot of failed attempts at soothing and 3 rounds of rocking to sleep with the immediate wakeup after putting her down. it didn't feel great, but i could tell my exasperation was morphing into anger and i made a decision in that moment to just let her cry. she probably wailed for about 10 minutes before falling asleep for the rest of the night. all that to say.... it happens to all of us. it won't ruin your baby in isolated circumstances, but it should NOT be done regularly or deliberately.

we did implement CIO with kiddo when he was a baby... around 4.5-5 months old, i think.

Was going respond with something similar to this. Definitely if you are getting frustrated it's ok. The other night after three hours of trying to get my 3 week old back to sleep I finally had to set her down because I was getting frustrated. I tried pacifier, bfing, cuddling, rocking, walking around. In that situation I was better off setting her down for a few minutes. She did not go to sleep on her own, but after about ten minutes I was able to just cuddle her again and she finally quieted down for me.

amhah09 · April 2014

I can't believe there are pediatricians telling new moms to let their babies cry that long!!!! Their need to be held is just as real as their need to be fed at this age. Hold. Your. Babies.

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