Crying at work... Need advice

ChristieH917 · April 2014

I am thinking about a conversation with my mother-in-law from over the weekend. She isn't being insensitive, but she just doesn't get it. I don't know how to explain to her that this is not a quick process. I started seeing the RE back in September 2013. This is 7 months of doctors appointments, blood work, surgery and waiting. I don't need her asking me every 3 days about how I am doing. She doesn't understand that my husband will fill her in if there is news, but until then, I don't want to talk about it. Over the weekend, she got me cornered in the kitchen and started asking me questions. I broke down and started crying. I am 36 years old, but crying like a baby. I tried my best to change subject but it didn't work.

I need to find a way to tell her that she needs to stop bringing it up every single time that she talks to either of us. I know that an e-mail is very impersonal, but I think that maybe the way that I will have to go. I can't tell her face to face because I will never be able to stop crying long enough to get it out.

It's really sad to say, but you ladies here are the only ones that truly understand this whole process.

athlete010688 · April 2014

Could you have your DH talk to her? Would that help? That way, you're not having to talk to her face-to-face, and she might get the point better than if it was written in an e-mail.

CandaceC1020 · April 2014

You may want to point her in the direction of the resolve website (www.resolve.org). There is a section for Family and Friends. I'd compose a nice email and let her know your feelings. I'd explain that you are beginning this conversation via email because it's a very sensitive topic and that you no longer want to talk about the struggles of IF on a regular basis. Be honest, tell her how you're feeling and let her know that each time she asks it's pulling on your heartstrings. Let her know that you appreciate her support and your husband will keep her in the loop and let her know when things happen. I'd also suggest sending her the link for the family and friends information.

Also, you may want to keep some of the information between your husband and you. With our first IUI, we were pretty open with people. We didn't realize that this would come back and bite us in the ass because people felt extremely comfortable asking us questions about the IUI, if it worked, what our next steps would be. So hubby and I decided that we would not talk to anyone about the follow ups, only each other. This worked for us because I'm comfortable talking to my husband about things and he was forced to talk to me about things (he's normally a quiet guy).

Either way, whatever you decide to do, be honest. You have to take care of yourself and do what is going to be best for you.

ChristieH917 · April 2014

I tried to make my hubby take care of this, but that didn't work. He asked her to not bring it up to me and yet she still did. I don't think he even understand how much this hurts me.

@CandaceC1020, thank you for the website. I will have to look into that.

CandaceC1020 · April 2014

@ChristieH917 - There's a lot of great information on that website. Also, Resolve has some support groups that might be of use to you. On their homepage there is a spot off to the right hand side that says find a local support group. I've looked into my local group.

ksgsmu · April 2014

I agree with pps that sending a nice email saying something like while I covet your prayers I need to not discuss this unless I bring it up as I am having a hardtime etc.... then point her to the resolve website info.

theholmanherd · April 2014

This may be old-fashioned, but in our house, H handles his family and I handle mine. I would have your H talk to her. Next step would be talking to her together. Last step would be to cease communication for a while until both parties can come to an agreement. That's how we've handled our families in the past and it works for us. Good luck. There is no reason for you to put up with this.

ETA: H and I always discuss what will be said so we are on the same page and we both understand the whole issue from both our points of view. Then we meet again to discuss after.

gsancho · April 2014

Sorry you are dealing with that! I agree that the resolve website may be a good option, if you decide to email.

rella22 · April 2014

Sorry you are dealing with that. I actually haven't told any parents (mine included) that we are going through anything. It really is true that this group of ladies are the only ones that truly understand! I had to tell my mother to please stop talking about it with me and when it happens I will let you know. You should just tell her that you decided to forgo treatments and are no longer trying and you both decided to concentrate on other things in life! That way she won't corner you about what's going on because she won't know anything is! GL to you!

hope2bmom83 · April 2014

I agree with PP, sending hugs your way!

ChristieH917 · April 2014

Thank you to everyone for all of the advice.

@rella22 My mom isn't in my life so I have no worries there. My dad passed away 4 years ago. My husband's parents are divorced and both remarried. His dad knows what is going on but waits for hubby to bring it up. I know that his mom just cares, but I think I may have to follow your advice and just tell her that we are stopping all treatments.

KristenG2011 · April 2014

So sorry you are dealing with this with your MIL. This journey is so hard...and I think people honestly don't know what to do or what to say at times. My MIL is very difficult and we have decided to not mention it to her and DH side of the family. They just aren't as sensitive to the situation as mine. The less they know the better and less stress for us which is a bad factor to deal with when you are trying to conceive. I think letting her know you are taking a break might be for the best..considering your DH talking to her was ineffective.

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Crying at work... Need advice

Re: Crying at work... Need advice

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

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Want a personalized experience?

Crying at work... Need advice

Re: Crying at work... Need advice

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motilityIUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFNIVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

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Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!