Discipline? suggestions for a "busy" 10.5/11 month old (and a little VENT)

jmatche4 · April 2014

My 10.5 month old and I just got home from a little music group that we often attend. The music group is geared to all kids under 3/4 years old and their caregivers. The set up is similar to "circle time" but obviously much more singing/dancing around. It lasts only about 25 (eventful) minutes.
My little one is walking now and exploring and motoring around pretty much non-stop - which I am fine/happy with. Expect for when the instructor introduced little wooden sticks to make noise with... my little one wanted to walk around with the sticks in her mouth (which is unsafe). I removed the stick from her mouth about 4 times saying "not in your mouth" before having to take them away. She threw herself back and squealed/got mad and then tried to take someone else's sticks (unsuccessfully). - Some lady/grandmother(?) beside me told me it was unsafe for her to have the sticks in her mouth as I was running around trying to get her (Thanks, Tips! -Ugh.) The same lady then tried snapping her fingers in my child's face when she got mad at me for removing them. This did not help (me or my child).
My little one later walked to the instructor and started taking the sticky note from her note pad that she was trying to read from. I said "No" after each attempt and brushed her hand away - my child then smiled and did it a 3-4 more times. At this point I am at the front of the circle.. placed her on my lap and before making the decision whether to just leave or not the "Good-Bye" song was sang - thank god.
I left feeling very embarrassed... partly because of the one lady that made herself involved. My little one loves signing and socializing, so I don't want to stop attending groups like that... and I know she is only young - and 95% of the time very happy and smiley - she just doesn't do well with boundaries/not getting everything she wants.
So I am just wondering if anyone with a child the same or similar age is having a rough time with their little one when it comes to setting boundaries or saying "no"?? - while keeping in mind their need to exploration.
I just don't want this behaviour to snowball in months/years to come..

ASmallWonder · April 2014

Your expectations aren't in line with the reality of life with an 11 month old. They don't understand the reasoning behind being unable to do things. IMO, "no" quickly loses any effectiveness when it's overused so we shy away from it and stick to redirection using words about things he CAN do "Let's play with this toy!" and "That hurts - let's do gentle touches." In some scenarios you just aren't able to let them roam free because it's not realistic to think they won't get into trouble. They're not being "bad" because they don't know in the first place that there are rules or hell, what rules even are.

BunnyLove416 · April 2014

Everything she did sounds like really normal behavior for a 10.5 month old. L would absolutely do all that and more. I try to redirect him when he's doing things I don't want him to (Like: lets play with this instead! or Hey, lets explore this other side of the room), I also say things like 'be gentle' or 'we don't want to hurt ourselves' but I don't actually expect him to get it, it's more of a habit. I can't imagine anyone who took their kids to a music class like that was surprised that your baby wanted to explore, be loud, run around, put things in their mouth. Ignore anyone who makes you feel bad about it, it's normal.

Of course my kid gropes strangers on the train so what do I know

Cricket81 · April 2014

Yeah, she is too little to understand any of that, unfortunately. All if her behavior seems really appropriate and in line with a kid who is trying to figure her world out. If something is REALLY unsafe, then it is up to you to not let it happen. It might sound mean, but you are bigger, stronger, and in charge. If you need to remove her from the situation, then just leave the class for a little while. The instructor and other parents should understand.

ASmallWonder · April 2014

Oh also, be mindful of doing things that will make the whole thing seem like a game, like brushing her hand away. In another context, that's a silly thing and she might think the whole thing is funny.

As to that woman, I would have told her "I'm handling it, thank you. She IS only 10.5 months so she's still learning."

numbersgirl08 · April 2014

What everyone else has said. Kiddos this age just aren't mature enough yet.

I try not to overuse "No" but I also want her to actually learn the word. So I do use it more now than I will when I know she grasps the concept. I try to redirect her and teach her when she shouldn't do things, but not in a disciplining manner. The time for that will come later.

jmatche4 · April 2014

Thanks for the suggestions/feedback.

I should add that do not typically have such high or unrealistic expectations for my daughter's behaviour.. but having that lady butt in made me feel like I wasn't "parenting" enough.. and made me second guess my "relaxed" parenting style at this stage.

I am glad that everyone sees that as "typical" 10.5 month old behaviour!

Also - the feedback on say "no" less is very helpful!

Thanks

PinkPuffyHeart2 · April 2014

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