Waiting to tell?

stephaniemishler · April 2014

How long are you waiting to tell family and friends? With my pregnancy that I lost, I had told everyone when I first found out which made it hard on everyone. It also lead to people asking questions all the time which made me moving on harder. I am mixed about if I want to tell early again.

SoxFan777 · April 2014

I'm only 6w3d but I have told no one but my husband and you guys.

kz's_girlygirl · April 2014

With our loss we waited until 16 wks to tell extended family and close friends and then my membranes ruptured at 17wks. There is no safe zone in my eyes, and it really comes down to your personal feelings.
I'm 6w6d today and so far we have only told my mom. I think we will only 'tell' people when they see me and it's obvious.

KMW08 · April 2014

My parents, the IL's, and two of my cousins have known since my bfp. I had weird pains about a week ago so I saw one of the docs I work for.Those are the only people who know IRL atm.

I'm not out about any of my loss history, there's about 10people max who know anything of my loss history.

BkBaby118 · April 2014

I'm 12 weeks and we just told our families and close friends. I'd like to wait another 1-2 weeks before telling others (including people at work).

kalynn12 · April 2014

I have only told two very close friends, everyone else including our families will wait until 2nd tri. We did the same thing with our first two losses (except my two bosses know about my losses due to time off) and have been happy to keep it private.

rox825 · April 2014

I'm 13 weeks and so far only 2 people at work know- 1 friend who I told last week after a good US because she knew about our IF and loss history, and 1 co-worker who guessed yesterday (side note- I will never understand why any woman feels it is appropriate to ask another woman if she's pregnant, mind your own business). I plan on telling immediate family, close friends, and my boss in the 14-15 week timeframe, but will ask family to keep it to themselves and not tell extended family or their friends until after the AS. We had started to tell limited family/friends before our loss and having to un-tell made it worse. If we have another loss I'll tell my mom and sister and a few friends probably, but in my own time when I'm ready to talk about it.

This is what H and I are comfortable with, but it's really such a personal preference, whatever you feel is right for you!

RayRay007 · April 2014

With my first loss we had told a lot of people - friends, extended family - just before 13 weeks. A few days later at our NT scan we found out it was a missed mc. This time we saw strong HRs at 8w1d and they were measuring right on track, so I'm already feeling more confident about this pg, but I think I'll wait to tell any one else (have already told parents, sister, and close friend) until my first OB appt (I have been with a PCP until now) and we either have an u/s or hear HRs on doppler. I'm waiting to hear when that appt is, but hopefully it's by 12 weeks, and I will tell everyone after that appt. I'm sure I'll be "showing" by then with twins, but I'm just going to play dumb until it's confirmed that they're still going strong in there.

mmhusted · April 2014

Family was right away. Close friends were slightly later (week or two) Daughter announced to her preschool class and the visiting dentist when I was 10 wks. I told work friends when I started to show. I have yet to announce on Facebook. Even though I am 20 wks and everything looks great I just get a weird feeling every time I think to post it. So I don't. I figure the people who I want or need to know know.

[Deleted User] · April 2014

When we found out, we told our parents right away. I told my siblings a couple weeks later. Friends and extended family I'm just now starting to tell. I told my best friend when I was almost 11 weeks, which was a heck of a long wait! Now that I'm 14 weeks I'm starting to tell more people, or anyone who flat-out asks me. I don't know if I'll make an announcement on Facebook or anything.

Honestly the not telling close friends thing was a little tough, but this board helped me through it so much. Questions that I'd have asked my best friend (who's on her third pregnancy), I just asked here instead and got so much feedback. I could also share happy news and honest concerns on this board without feeling as vulnerable as I would have been if I were telling such things to my friends. The PgAL board has been a wonderful support group and outlet for all my feelings and milestones. I'm glad my close friends know now, but I'm still not able to share everything I'm feeling with them the way I can here, because none of them have gone through the losses I have so they just don't always "get" it. You just have to do whatever feels comfortable for you, but know we're always here for you on PgAL!

megbmeg · April 2014

I also told parents right away, and a few close friends recently. I'll wait til 2nd trimester to tell anyone else. I've found it helps me if the people I depend on for support are "in" on what's going on, for both the good stuff and the scary stuff.

Christa74 · April 2014

In the past year we have had 3 CP and 1 MMC @8 wks (didn't find out til almost 12 wk). We had told family about all-they are the ones who will be there for us during losses so we felt it right that they knew. This time has been the same-family. We are cautiously optimistic at 6 wk 2 days to date. I know it's not a typical reaction, but I don't mind people knowing. We see it as a part of our story. I've found that it's so much more common than I originally thought, since it's rarely talked about.
All in all, it's a personal choice as to when someone tells others and often it's based on prior experience. Go with your heart :-)

megbmeg · April 2014

@christa74 - I'm with you on not minding people knowing. I'm actually a lot more comfortable when people do know. And I think it might be a tiny bit less scary if we were able to talk about it. For that reason, I try to be open about my experiences and losses. If it helps some other struggling mama, I'd be very glad.

Pmmama · April 2014

I told my very inner circle.. Those I'd tell if there was another loss. I'm going to expand the circle after 14+ wks..

kimmyberly26 · April 2014

I told immediate family around 7 weeks, coworkers at 19 weeks after my a/s and will make a Facebook announcement after she is born and safe in my arms. Its hard to tell at any point I think but you just do what you are comfortable with.

Christa74 · May 2014

megbmeg said:
@christa74 - I'm with you on not minding people knowing. I'm actually a lot more comfortable when people do know. And I think it might be a tiny bit less scary if we were able to talk about it. For that reason, I try to be open about my experiences and losses. If it helps some other struggling mama, I'd be very glad.

@megbmeg‌ Yes, I agree. My talking openly about it may help another woman/couple deal with their loss. It all feels so taboo sometimes. Don't tell because then you have to deal with everyone knowing. It is honestly, IMO, a part of the human experience. It's quite an unfortunate one, but it's a commonality that many, many women share though we tend to keep it bottled up because it's just not right to speak of. I also think that speaking about it is a positive part of the healing process.
I don't mean to speak out of turn. I understand, and respect, how each woman handles her individual experience. No offense meant or intended to anyone.

kbhaynes · May 2014

With my first loss, I announced on fb at 9 weeks and had to un-tell facebook and everyone else at almost 13 weeks (that was terrible). With DD, I didn't publicly announce until 24 weeks (co-workers, friends and family knew at 9 weeks). With pregnancy #3, I just told a few close friends, no family (told family after it happened). With this pregnancy I told immediate family and friends, because I feel if I have another loss then I will have the support again. When I didn't tell people last time it was harder, to me, to tell them that I was pregnant, but had a miscarriage.

sunflwr2 · May 2014

Im only 7 weeks and havent had an ultrasound yet. We havent told anyone. I just couldnt stand the pitty on my familys face as we were going through our loss last time. It was a rollercoaster of ups and downs before the loss actually happened. And seeing their pain for dh and I actually made me more sad. So this time im just keeping it close to myself and hoping for the best. Like pp said, im not sure there is ever going to be a "right" time to tell people this time around, but I'll know when im ready to let the rest of our family and friends know. Im just not there yet.

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