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Had a "Relax and it will happen" comment today...

aves0708aves0708 member
in Trouble TTC
I had an eye appointment today and I had to go to a new doctor because I am now on H's insurance.  So I had to fill out all the new paperwork, and explain to the doctor that we are under treatment for infertility.  She knew nothing about fertility treatment options and was asking me all kinds of questions about what were were doing (this was not part of the exam or for their files, it was just her curiosity).  The conversation ended with her saying " Well it seems like it always happens when you take a  break from everything and it will happen when it's meant to be".  I did not have the energy to do anything other than offer a pathetic smile and a "mhmmm".  Grrrrr.....

On a funny note, the assistant brought me my new pair of contacts and she was also very chit chatty.  She decided to start telling me about her embarrassing moments while working there ( I have no idea why she started telling me this), and she said a guy came in and told her how he rode is motorcycle from PA to Alaska.  She asked him if he had to take a boat for part of the way.   He said "no, why would I have to take a boat"??  She said she thought he would need a boat because when she see's Alaska on a US map it's always in the bottom left corner surrounded by ocean.   At this point I'm pretty sure I was just starting at her with my mouth open.  She seriously did not know where Alaska was???  I'm not sure how I didn't just burst into laughter in her face.

Me (29): Hashimoto's, CD3/7DPO bloodwork & ultrasound normal, HSG & SHG(x2) all clear
DH (29): SA Perfect
TTC Since Jan '13, First RE Appt Jan '14
DX: Unspecified Ovarian Dysfunction, Long Cycles
May '13 BFP, C/P 4w3d
Apr '14:  50mg clomid + ovidrel + B2B IUI #1=BFP,  Natural M/C 6.5wks
Aug '14: 50mg clomid + ovidrel + B2B IUI #2=BFN
Oct '14: 100mg clomid + ovidrel + IUI#3 =BFN
Nov 14: 100mg clomid + ovidrel + B2B IUI#4=slow response, bad lining, cancelled
FU with RE, more bloodwork: Anticardiolipin +
Dec 14: 5mg Letrozole+baby aspirin +ovidrel + B2B IUI#4.1=BFFN
Jan '15: 5mg Letrozole +baby aspirin + ovidrel +B2B IUI #5= BFP!! 
Beta #1 210  Beta #2 546


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Re: Had a "Relax and it will happen" comment today...

  • jaytee16jaytee16 member
    Gah, I hate when people say that kind of crap, and I hate that I never think of a better come back until 5 hours later!  Sorry you had to deal with their ignorance and insensitivity.  

    I am currently working on a retort for my RE the next time she decides to suggest, while I'm on the table, in the stirrups, that my H should consider being a sperm donor because of his awesome numbers.  Um, hello??  Do you really think that is an appropriate thing to suggest during IUI #3 AND #4??  
                                                  *********************SIGGY WARNING*************************
                                        May 14 Siggy                                             
    TTC #1 since June 2012.  DX: Unexplained Infertility.  Me: Hypothyroid
    3 Failed Femara + TI cycles and 4 Failed Injects + B2B IUI cycles
    Cycle 23: IVF#1 CoQ10 + Lupron + Puregon = BFP!!
    Beta #1: 199   Beta #2: 800+   It's TWINS!  EDD: Feb 19, 2015
    Team Purple!!!!
    L & E arrived early on January 5, 2015!!
    ~~~All are welcome!~~~

    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • theholmanherdtheholmanherd member
    My H and I are cracking up at the assistant. Woooow.
    Love 2010 | Marriage 2011 | TTC #1 since 2012
    PCOS | Anovulatory | Metformin + Letrozole
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  • Lindsey7348Lindsey7348 member
    Grr I hate that line! And the 'it'll happen when you least expect it"

    I want to punch them in the jugular immediately after and say "did you expect that?" 
    Me: 31 DH: 31
    TTC#1 since Sept. 2011
    March 2012-June 2012 - IUI's- BFN

    Sept 2012= IVF #1- 14 eggs, 9 fert, no frosties. 2 blasts 5dt=BFN
    Oct/Nov 2012= IVF #2- 20 eggs, 14 fert, no frosties. 2 blasts transferred despite mild OHSS=BFN
    Nov 2012= hubby got transferred, moving to new state, time for a break until summer!
    Feb 2013= Natural BFP!! Valentine's day surprise! 
    Mar 2013= m/c @ 7.5 weeks :(

    *New RE*
    July 2013= ER for a freeze all cycle. 21 eggs, 9 fert, freeze all day 1.
    Lab is closed in August! (Of course!) 
    Sept 2013= FET #1 - transferred 3 not so great quality day 3 embies=BFN
    Oct 2013= FET #2- transferred 4! 3 good, 1 poor= BFP! On hubby's birthday :)
    Started bleeding at 5w5d. ER trip confirms one gest sac, one yolk sac, no fetal pole. 6w u/s showed nothing. Levels drop from 4,500 to 250. 
    Nov.2013=meet with RE to discuss where to go from here.
           *Tests showed PCOS-ish. High testosterone. Start Metformin 1500 mg.
    February 2014- CLomid, IUI, Trigger. 4 juicy and ripe follies (24,25, 28 and 34!) 111 million post wash sperm count. BFFN!!!! WTH?
    March 2014- Over my RE. Year of fun for us and looking into RMANJ.
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  • kallygirliekallygirlie member
    I haven't gotten the "relax" comment since I started telling people that I wasn't aware they were more experienced in Fertility than my RE.  I also ask them if they took health in school cause last I check, if I don't ovulate, no amount of Relaxing will get me pregnant.  People are just clueless and really don't know what to say.  I vote they should then zip it.
    Siggie Warning, BFP/Loss mentioned



    Me 31         DH 35
    Married since 4/16/11
    NTNP since 2008
    Actively TTC # 1 since 4/16/2011
    Sept 2012- Change Gyn after 3 yrs with no Diagnosis
    Oct 2012- Dx PCOS
    April 2013- 50mg Clomid.....BFN
    May 2013- Referred to RE
    Sept 2013- Clomid 50mg (no response), 100mg (2 mature follies), Trigger, TI.....BFN
    Oct 2013- Clomid 100mg, 2 Mature follies, Trigger, TI....BFN
    Nov 2013- Break to discuss IUI and other options
    Dec 2013- Clomid 100mg, Brevelle 75iu (CD 9,11,13-15) 112iu (CD 16-21) 150iu (CD 22-24)
    2 Follies vanished, Cycle scratched
    Jan 2014- Provera, awaiting AF
    Feb-Mar 2014- Gonal F 150iu (CD 3-9) 187.5iu (CD 10-12) 225iu (CD 13-22), 3 Follies, Trigger, IUI....BFN
    April 2014-Gonal F 225iu (CD 3-17), 1 Follie Trigger, IUI....BFP!!  Ectopic :*(
    Break after Ectopic May-Aug 2013
    Sept 2014- Fermera (CD 3-7), Pregnitude, 1 Follie, Trigger, IUI...BFN
    Oct 2014-     Fermera (CD 3-7), Pregnitude, 2 Follies, Trigger, IUI...BFP!!!
                 Beta #1: 144   Beta #2: 365    Beta #3: 1278     Miscarriage @ 6wks

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  • aves0708aves0708 member
    @jaytee16 That is terrible of your RE to say.  I wish I had a great come back suggestion for you!

    Me (29): Hashimoto's, CD3/7DPO bloodwork & ultrasound normal, HSG & SHG(x2) all clear
    DH (29): SA Perfect
    TTC Since Jan '13, First RE Appt Jan '14
    DX: Unspecified Ovarian Dysfunction, Long Cycles
    May '13 BFP, C/P 4w3d
    Apr '14:  50mg clomid + ovidrel + B2B IUI #1=BFP,  Natural M/C 6.5wks
    Aug '14: 50mg clomid + ovidrel + B2B IUI #2=BFN
    Oct '14: 100mg clomid + ovidrel + IUI#3 =BFN
    Nov 14: 100mg clomid + ovidrel + B2B IUI#4=slow response, bad lining, cancelled
    FU with RE, more bloodwork: Anticardiolipin +
    Dec 14: 5mg Letrozole+baby aspirin +ovidrel + B2B IUI#4.1=BFFN
    Jan '15: 5mg Letrozole +baby aspirin + ovidrel +B2B IUI #5= BFP!! 
    Beta #1 210  Beta #2 546


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  • HpearlHpearl member
    How upsetting!   I am so sorry they said that to you.      My boss yesterday was kind enough to remind me that the "baby making was the fun part"...she clearly thought I had forgotten that.  

    Then she packed up her two beautiful babies and left for the day.   Its just so hard when people take things for granted!
    image"">
    TTC since 2012
    Me 35, DH 32 -DH SA all clear
    8/97 severe perotinitis infection as a result of ruptured appendix. poss abdomen/tube scarring
    1/12 HSG all clear!
    2/12 Multiple fibroids diagnosed,  2 submucosal
    3/14 Hashimoto diagnosed, began treatment
    3/14 first RE appointment
    5/14 successful lapriscopic myomectomy via power morcellation
    as of 7/14.....not so patiently waiting
    poss IUI/IVF fall 2014      BIG Surprise BFP Aug 2014!


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  • DharmaChickDharmaChick member
    See my siggy pic for my thoughts on the "it will happen when it's meant to be.." -type comment.  This is one of the reasons why I personally don't share much about our IF with anyone - I know too many people who would make ignorant, frustrating comments.

    That story about Alaska is ridiculous!  Lol.  Oh my.
    ________
    ME: 34, Atypical PCOS (lean, no O without meds) + unexplained; DH: 33, mildly low motility
    09/2012: Start TTC after stopping NuvaRing.  No cycles seemed to occur.
    01/2013 - 05/2013: Tried Provera to "jumpstart" cycles. No luck.
    12/2013-     01/2014: Clomid 50mg - no big follies, stepped to 100mg; One mature follie, Ovidrel (HCG trigger), IUI #1 completed - BFN
    02/2014: Clomid 100mg;     One mature follie, Ovidrel trigger, IUI #2 completed, Crinone - BFN
    03/2014: Clomid 100mg -     no big follies on 1st round, 2nd round prescribed; One mature follie, Ovidrel, IUI #3 completed, Crinone - BFN
    04/2014-05/2014: Letrozole 5mg + Ovidrel HG to prep for IUI #4 switched to TI, Crinone - BFN
    05/2014-06/2014: Letrozole 5mg; one mature follie,     Ovidrel, IUI #4.1 completed, Crinone - BFN
    07/2014-08/2014: Letrozole 5mg; one mature follie,     Ovidrel, IUI #5 completed, Crinone - BFN
    09/2014-10/2014: IVF Prep - Insurance requires IUI #6;     Letrozole 5mg - no big follies 1st round, 2nd round prescribed; IUI #6, Crinone - BFN
    11/2014: "Break" - Letrozole 5mg to cycle before prepping for IVF - successfully O'ed, but BFN
    12/2014: Extending 'break' one more Letrozole-only TI cycle for mental health break - BFN
    01/2015-    02/2015: Prep for IVF - BCP then Gonal-F, Ganirelex, Novarel trigger;  ER scheduled 2/11!
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/4cf919
    PAIF/SAIF Welcome.
    December 3T Siggy Challenge: Favorite Holiday Movie
    image
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  • brazenbibliobrazenbiblio member
    My family has been saying this to me for the past three years. So annoying. I try to forgive them since they know nothing about infertility but it doesn't keep me from wanting to punch them. Good job restraining yourself lol.

    Me-36
    DH -35
    Married in 2008
    Started TTC in 2011
    Began testing May 2014
    Test Results
    HSG- clear
    Hysteroscopy- clear
    SA- 11 mil count
    45% motility
    Diagnosis: MFI
    July 2014: Femera 5mg CD 4-8, Trigger, IUI = BFN
    August 2015: Femera 5mg CD 4-8, Trigger, IUI = BFN
    September 2015: Femera 5mg CD 4-8, Trigger, IUI = BFN
    May 2018 after long period of not trying, starting adoption process with family friend's newborn
    November 2018 Adoption complete!


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  • rella22rella22 member
    My own mother actually have me the relax and it will happen yesterday! It really is true that you have no idea what this is like unless your living it!

    ***SIGGY WARNING***




    me: 28 - all test normal
    DH: 33 - SA normal
    *unexplained*

    TTC since September 2011
    2011-Oct.2013 - trying off and on, ob/gyn, no meds
    November 2013-December-EOD, ob/gyn, no meds
    January 2014- ob/gyn ordered Clomid (50 mg) unmonitored, EOD-BFN
    February-Clomid 50 mg. unmontiored, EOD - BFN
    March-Switched to RE
    April- 100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel-BFN
    May - 100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel-BFN
    June-*BREAK/Switch RE*
    July- 5 mg Femara/Ovidrel + IUI #1- BFN
    August- 5 mg Femara/Ovidrel + IUI #2 - BFP!!!!

    EDD: May 7th, 2015: Team PINK



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  • jaco0207jaco0207 member
    I really hate the "relax" comment.... it is a big reason why I have told so few people we are having trouble (including our parents). Although I know I am guilty of this at times, I wish more people would learn to listen and not feel like they have to say a canned comment.
    Me: 40, Hypothyroidism, well managed, TSH 1.99
    DH: 44 Fine except for low morphology
    TTC since 02/2013  
    08/13: Day 3 tests (ESTRADIOL 20.8; AMH 1.1; FSH 6.2)
    12/13 HSG, all clear
    11/13-5/14 - IUIs #1-3, BFNs, 
    6/14 to present: Taking a break, getting healthier, researching IVF
    Planning for IVF in late summer 2015

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  • csy2947csy2947 member
    edited April 2014

    Ugh I feel like its what people fall back on but its the worst to hear. I asked my yoga instructor last month about which poses to avoid during the TWW if they had any idea and she ended up like, dragging me into a relax type conversation with me just nodding. And then she ends it with 'believe me, there are worse things in life and if its not meant to be than its not meant to be.'

    Like lady, I know no one is dead or dying, I've felt that, but this is hard as crap. And of course, for some of us, there are babies that have been lost that are just as painful to lose as someone thats been with us forever. Some poeple don't understand.

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  • jencity9jencity9 member
    csy2947 said:

    Ugh I feel like its what people fall back on but its the worst to hear. I asked my yoga instructor last month about which poses to avoid during the TWW if they had any idea and she ended up like, dragging me into a relax type conversation with me just nodding. And then she ends it with 'believe me, there are worse things in life and if its not meant to be than its not meant to be.'

    Like lady, I know no one is dead or dying, I've felt that, but this is hard as crap. And of course, for some of us, there are babies that have been lost that are just as painful to lose as someone thats been with us forever. Some poeple don't understand.

    That "if it's not meant to be" comment is so condescending!! I feel like people are saying that they get to be a part of something that somehow they've decided we don't deserve. So rude!

    Me: 32  DH: 33  Married: March 2004

    July 2006: started TTC
    2008: HSG (normal), couple rounds of clomid through gyno
    2008 - 2010: dragging my feet out of fear and procrastination
    October 2010: first consultation with RE, dx PCOS and fibroids (DH slightly low count/motility)
    Oct. 2010 - Dec. 2012:  In DENIAL! avoided the issue because I was scared of surgery
    January 2013: returned to RE, fibroids grew significantly
    February 2013: second HSG, fibroids pushed on tubes which blocked them somewhat
    March 2013: MRI to determine what type of surgery may be necessary
    July 29, 2013: fibroids (5) removed via robotic laparascopy
    August 2013 - Nov 2013 : benched due to recent surgery

    IUI #1, Dec. 24, 2013, BFN 
    IUI #2, Jan. 25, 2014, BFN
    IUI #3, Feb. 25, 2014  BFN
    IUI #4 canceled due to lack of response to letrozole
    IUI #4.1 April 28, 2014, BFN
    May 16, 2014: wtf consult, start prepping for IVF in June and add injects for one last IUI in the meantime
    IUI #5 started letrozole and bravelle but canceled after HSG led to new diagnosis
    May 21, 2014: third HSG, tubes blocked, one at the beginning, one hydrosalpinx??
    June 11, 2014: consult, approved to move on to IVF because the hydro is not completely blocked therefore allowing fluid to move through slowly rather than backwards
    IVF #1 August 8, 2014 - 3dt of 2 embryos, BFN
    September 17, 2014 - 4th HSG, the right tube is very patent (open!!) dye went straight through this time. Weird!
    October 2, 2014 - started metformin treatment
    November 14, 2014 - blood work, brought A1C down from 5.8 to 5.5
    November 26, 2014 - RE finally back from vaca and reviewed my chart, no more IVFs for rest of calendar year
    December 1, 2014 - Right after Thanksgiving, I called a new clinic and got in right away! Plan for IVF
    December 17, 2014 - ER! 29 retrieved (!!), 16 mature, all 16 fertilized (ICSI)
    IVF #2 December 20, 2014 - 3dt of 3 embryos, BFN

    We are done with treatment unsuccessfully. :(


    PAIF/SAIF/All Welcome!

    image    image
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  • nswain85nswain85 member
    First off, I burst out laughing about the Alaska thing! You are much nicer than I would have been in that situation and the one with the doctor. People get uncomfortable I think about it and try to say stuff that they think will make us feel better when all it does it irritate the crap out of the person. I'm sorry that you had to hear that from her...

    Trying to have baby #1 since April 2013

    DH SA March,May 2014 - Low motility and shape issues. On vitamins per RE to help

    Me testing April 3, 2014 - FSH and LH good, HSG showed blocked right tube

    April 29, 2014 - First RE appt., right tube needs to be removed and possibly left also if

    it's bad too. RE suggests going straight to IVF

    June 4, 2014 - LAP/HSC and unexpected endo. removed but tubes got to stay!

    June 13, 2014 - Post-Op appointment. We decide where to go next since main issue

    is MFI influenced. Trying naturally until decision... Repeat SA  in September. Aiming for IUI #1 November 2014.

    image

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  • csy2947csy2947 member
    Truth, I immediately excused myself and walked out after that. Like something you've wanted your whole life and are trying desperately for is just something that would be a piece of cake to let go of. Grrr.
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