3 sets of Grandparents

MPrice001 · April 2014

Venting... Anyone else in a similar situation?

We are 19 weeks with our first child! Yay so excited! Anyways my mom wants to throw a baby shower for us... Well whenever there are family gatherings like this it's difficult because my parents are divorced, plus we live 6 hours away. So I talked with my dad, he was ok doing something together but wanted to do a Couples Shower. So I suggested to my mom, she didn't like the idea. So now my mom is throwing us one during the day and my dad is doing one that night... Where does this leave the in-laws? Stuck in the middle!

Because of work, we can't make it a lot! So it's all one weekend or not at all! Just stressful to think about!

emmylu30 · April 2014

First of all I totally sympathize as a fellow child of divorce. I think it's really nice your mom and dad both want to do something nice for you. I would just extend invite for both to in laws and explain the situation and let them decide. Maybe your MIL will want to go to both and FIL go to just your dad's. Don't stress about it too much and enjoy the day.

aliciak316 · April 2014

I know exactly what you're going through, my parents have been divorced for 20 and don't have need or care to talk to each other. They actually try there best to not even be in the same room. While it doesn't bother me at all it drives my mil crazy, she thinks everyone should get along and my parents should do brunch once a month. In her defense her parents were happier married forever and she's been happily married forever so she just doesn't get it. When it come to things like showers wedding and babies which basically forces my parents to be together I just make them do what I want and they have to deal.
If you're ok with two showers do to showers, let's your in laws know they're invited to both but it's not expected they come to both just whatever's best for them. If you want one have one, which ever you like, and your parents can deal for a couple hours.

mrsdanielleM2010 · April 2014

Ugh, another child of divorce here, and I totally empathize. I like what @emmylu30 said about letting your inlaws decide where to go. My inlaws in that situation would probably both go to the couples shower and my MIL to the ladies only. Whatever you decide, I hope it goes smoothly.

ashaw512 · April 2014

Another child divorce, for DH and I both. Luckily his parents get along so they can do big parties together. NOT MINE. I know you feel, I hope y'all can get everything worked out. Could you maybe invite your in laws to your dads shower if they are ok with couples?

bumpuser10199668 · April 2014

I'm with ya, but luckily my parents have been pretty accommodating when it comes to major events (graduations, weddings, babies etc). They will try to bicker and take over just so they other one doesn't get their way, but they eventually give in to what is best for whichever one of us children is involved.....which normally means one event where they don't speak.

If you like the idea of two, go for it. Otherwise, I'd consider explaining the situation to them and reminding them that it is about you and the baby and ask if they could try to work together for the pregnant lady's sanity.

RedBaramid · April 2014

I feel you totally on this. I feel completely obligated and totally okay with inviting my step mother to my shower with my mom present, however my step mother, despite being 10 years my mother's senior is a total baby and still harbors bad blood.. (which I find hilarious, my dad cheated on and left my mother for her.. not the other way around?) I got super excited when my MIL was the one who decided she wanted to throw a shower, I don't have to play the awkward family game.. she'll invite everyone and my step mom can be a big baby and decline if she wants.

Sicheyanne · April 2014

I totally understand. My parents are divorced and my father and step-father can't stand each other. On top of that my fathers side of the family hates my mother. Big occasions are definitely hard. My fathers entire extended family lives 1000 miles a way and they all declined my wedding invitations except my father, so I doubt they'll be interested in many of the baby related things going on.

MPrice001 · April 2014

Thanks ladies! I think I will extend invites to both showers for the in-laws. I don't believe they will be throwing us another one. My mom and mil have a pretty good relationship so I think my mom will ask if there is anyone she will want to invite. Hopefully it will work out!

portentosa · April 2014

My parents are divorced as well so I completely understand your frustration. Luckily(?), all three sets of grandparents live within an hour of us so we are able to do events all together. My parents have been divorced for over 25 years and been with my step parents for over 10 and 20 years so everyone is used to the current situations...and at least for me who grew up with everyone the way they are.... it's not weird.

JSS1002 · April 2014

My parents are not divorced but my husbands are, both are remarried and my MIL and SMIL cannot be in the same room because MIL will say something nasty. It's a huge issue and you have my sympathies. For our sons first birthday, my husband had to lay it all out and say "look, I know you don't want to be excluded from this stuff so you have to just zip it. I know you hate her but YOU are the problem." Finally we all co existed without incident and hopefully that's the end of it but it's stressful.

I would suggest you invite the in laws to both events and let them choose.

larkin2 · April 2014

Not only are both my parents and my husband's parents divorced and remarried, but my dad remarried a couple of times and I'm still friends with one of his ex-wives; she was like a mother to me, and I can't just forget that. My sister-in-law has decided to throw one and I'm just going to send a blanket invitation to everyone. I would give the in-laws the option of both, and even the option of just dinner with them alone, so they don't feel pressured by it.

mcstrepp · April 2014

My DH parents are divorced so my parents are the ones always stuck in the middle. My mom is really close with my father in laws girlfriend and feels awkward around my MIL because of it. I would advise inviting the in laws to both and let them decide. We always do that with my parents so they never have to feel like they are picking my FIL or MILs side.

ap0wer · April 2014

My parents are divorced as well, it makes things like this extremely awkward. Especially since my step mother HATES my mother for some reason.

We plan to invite my step mother and her mom to my shower, and my dads sisters are invited too. because my mother is still super close with my dads sisters anyways.

brittneyandadam · April 2014

My parents are divorced as well and can barely be in the same room together. No one has offered me a shower yet, but my mom helped my MOH with the bridal shower. ..my step mom and the women from my dad's side of the family were invited and they all managed to be pretty cordial.

whataboutscience · April 2014

DH's parents are divorced. Luckily, his mom and step-mom can be civil to each other. Both his parents are remarried and happy. I've already thought about how it will be weird when we start hosting things like this LO's birthday. I'm certainly not having two parties, so it'll be up to them if they come or not. I'm guessing they both will and it will just be kind of awkward.

brittneyandadam · April 2014

whataboutscience said:
DH's parents are divorced. Luckily, his mom and step-mom can be civil to each other. Both his parents are remarried and happy. I've already thought about how it will be weird when we start hosting things like this LO's birthday. I'm certainly not having two parties, so it'll be up to them if they come or not. I'm guessing they both will and it will just be kind of awkward.

I want to second the last part. If families can't be cordial and set aside differences for a few hours, then they should stay home. If your dad wants to go to the shower, I don't think your mom needs to make it a couples shower. He could just go and hang out to support you and his grandchild.

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