Leaving LO for a few hours

LisaLisa1980 · April 2014

DS is just 12 months tomorrow (Monday) and we've only left him once for 2 hrs when he was 4 months old. He's currently hating life right now with getting over his fever, molars and temper tantrums. H & I desperately need time alone and we need/want to get DS used to being babysat. Any tips? I trust his Mom & sisters the most but when DS melts down, it can get pretty bad & I'd hate to put that on someone else's hands. I know lots of you have kids in daycare ect, but I'm a SAHM so I'm always with him & he's pretty attached to me. I can just barely leave the room for a few seconds sometimes.

LimaD · April 2014

Yes, please do take some time for you and your hubby! You will be glad you did.

However, if your LO is miserable because of teething maybe you should wait until they've cut through or he at least is less miserable? (In my experience, DD is extra clingy when she's teething.) I'd hate for things to go really rough the one time you go out, and then you are afraid to do it again. I'd say wait until he feels better so you can set yourself up for success with your first time leaving him alone. (Just my two cents!)

As for tips, have whoever is watching him come over a little earlier than you plan on leaving. That way the babysitter can play and interact with him while you're there. It'll give him time to warm up to them before they're left alone. GL!!

pb_bride · April 2014

I was in your shoes - I am a SAHM and during DS's first year of life, he has only been left with someone else other than myself or DH twice. Both times it was my SIL who watched him (once for 30 mins while I went grocery shopping, another time for about 2 hrs when I went for an eye doctor appt). He cried for a while both times but he survived.

My ILs moved closer to us about 6 months ago, so DS has seen them and SIL a lot more often. I also think that with him being older now, he does a lot better without me or DH. Since DS has turned 1, we have left him with my ILs a number of times now. He gets so involved with playing with them that he barely notices that DH & I are gone. Having said that, DH & I have only gone out on a date once so far; all the other times they were watching DS for us while DH & I go meet with lawyers or other appts that are inappropriate to bring a toddler along. We have yet to let anyone try to put him down for naps or bedtime.

MrsBigTime · April 2014

He'll probably have a hard time when you actually leave, but once you're gone, he'll probably calm down shortly and have a great time with some one-on-one attention from someone he loves. I work and have been leaving her since 3 months and it's still hard to leave her, but I find that she loves when I'm gone because she gets someone to play with her the whole time, instead of me multi-tasking (making dinner, doing dishes, laundry, etc.) while I play with her in between chores.

Leaving will be tough, but coming home will be wonderful! I love when DD lights up and runs over to me and showers me with hugs and kisses as soon as I walk through the door. It makes the sting of leaving hurt so much less!

jnnfrrose6 · April 2014

I don't have any advice beyond just rip off that band aid and do it. Sure, your LO may get upset, but it will pass. I suspect you're putting more fear into it about how reaction will be than will actually be the case. I cannot imagine going 12 months and only having been apart from LO for 2 hours, but then again, each family needs to do what's best for them. It really will be good for all involved, though, if mom and dad can get some away time. My mother just took DS with her to visit her parents overnight (not the first time we've been apart, just a recent example) and it was amazing. Sure, I called and checked in on them a few times, but I knew he was in good hands and DH and I were able to do all those things that are just easier without a toddler under your feet.

Unknown · April 2014

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minervacullen · April 2014

I don't sneak out, that makes it so much worse in the long run. I tell them ahead of time that x is going to play with them while I go away, but I'll be right back.

LisaLisa1980 · April 2014

Ok maybe I need to clarify! I HAVE spent many times alone getting my hair done, going to the spa, shopping etc. What I meant by my OP was that DS has never been without the both of us at the same time for more than 2 hrs. I understand what you're all saying, but also know that I have had "me" time as well. I'm just worried about H & I both being gone.

Thank you to those who gave suggestions!

mb314 · April 2014

DS has been in daycare since 4 months, so he does spend time away from us regularly. However, from months 9 - 14, he had major stranger anxiety, and I fretted over leaving him with sitters or family members. When I was home with him, I couldn't leave the room without him screaming. But every single time I left him with a sitter or a family member, within 10 minutes or so, he adjusted and was great for the sitter/family member. I was always shocked at how soon he got over us leavning. I get it, it's hard to leave your child behind as they are screaming. But trust me, your child will soon calm down and will play/snuggle/read with the sitter.

That said, because I work full time, I don't like being away from DS too much. Often, if we get a sitter, I put DS to bed, and then the sitter comes over and DH and I go out. Most times, DS has no idea we're gone. DS has an early bedtime, so it works for us. That's another option for you.

ttimmerman · April 2014

I was going to suggest the same thing as pp - maybe try going out after LO is in bed the first couple of times (assuming his bed time is early enough to make this feasible), and then when you get used to leaving him, try it at another time of day that he's generally pretty happy. For instance, if he's happy in the morning, maybe try a breakfast date with your hubby, or if he's happy after his nap, try a matinee movie or something. It doesn't HAVE to be over dinner and bed time, which generally can be a difficult time for little guys.

Also, I have to add that some of the judgment going on in this thread is completely unnecessary. Maybe some of you are incredulous that OP and her husband haven't left LO for a significant amount of time very often, but not everyone has easily available child care or feels comfortable leaving LO when they're very young. There's nothing wrong with that.

jnnfrrose6 · April 2014

ttimmerman said: I was going to suggest the same thing as pp - maybe try going out after LO is in bed the first couple of times (assuming his bed time is early enough to make this feasible), and then when you get used to leaving him, try it at another time of day that he's generally pretty happy. For instance, if he's happy in the morning, maybe try a breakfast date with your hubby, or if he's happy after his nap, try a matinee movie or something. It doesn't HAVE to be over dinner and bed time, which generally can be a difficult time for little guys.
Also, I have to add that some of the judgment going on in this thread is completely unnecessary. Maybe some of you are incredulous that OP and her husband haven't left LO for a significant amount of time very often, but not everyone has easily available child care or feels comfortable leaving LO when they're very young. There's nothing wrong with that.
***Quoting Not Working***
I believe most of the initial "judgement" had to do with the original post that read like she had NEVER left her kid except for 2 hours in the first year. Her clarification later that she had left LO, just with DH and not a sitter, so she could have some "mommy" time helped explain some of the major concern most had with the original post. It's one thing to have never left your kid with anyone else (DH or otherwise, which is how it read), and quite another to just have never really used a sitter yet.

I think OP got some great advice regardless, though.

jllmb79 · April 2014

When I or my husband leave the house we always say good bye with hugs and kisses and waves out the door. It doesn't happen very often but when we both leave it is the same...good byes hugs kisses and waves out the door.

DD#2 is 14 months and has only been left 3 hours at a time. She is BF never took to bottles, we live out of country right now, when family visits we leave for a few hours but still want to spend time with family as well. Hiring a nanny is too much of a big deal.(lots of restrictions from the Department of State) No big deal that the OP hasn't left her baby longer then 2 hours at a time.

skibunny59 · April 2014

LisaLisa1980 said:

Ok maybe I need to clarify! I HAVE spent many times alone getting my hair done, going to the spa, shopping etc. What I meant by my OP was that DS has never been without the both of us at the same time for more than 2 hrs. I understand what you're all saying, but also know that I have had "me" time as well. I'm just worried about H & I both being gone. Thank you to those who gave suggestions!

I'm confused. So you and DH have only been out on a date once in 12 months? DH and I don't leave DD very often but we make it a point to go out just the 2 of us once a month. Even if it's just for an hour to get a cup of coffee or something. Ok. Maybe I'm being judgy but I just don't understand. And it sounds like you have great childcare with DH's mom and sisters. This is different than a "sitter" IMO.
We've only ever left DD with family but yes we have left her. And I don't understand what being a SAHM has to do with anything. My cousin is a SAHM and her and her DH leave their LO with grandma once a week so they can go out.

LisaLisa1980 · April 2014

Nicb13 said:
This OP hardly EVER comes back to follow up on advice given.

What's to follow up? I thanked the ppl who gave suggestions

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