Struggling with PPA

Khaleesi07 · April 2014

I apologize in advance for the dear diary post, I just don't know what to do anymore. I thought my PPA was under control, but it's back in full force, and I've been really struggling the past few weeks.

Things with my SO haven't been great since having DD. He is constantly stressed out, agitated, snapping at me, ect. He used to help out a ton with DD, and still does if he's in a good mood, but if not, forget it. I SAH, and we live two hours away from our family. I do almost everything for DD myself, I'm isolated from friends and family, I'm sleep deprived and I feel like I'm drowning.

He's been snapping at me and getting a nasty attitude with me lately...I'm too anxious to stand up for myself, so I just go in the bedroom and cry. One time he found me crying and said "if I make you cry so much why don't you go be with someone else?!"

Last week I talked to him about my anxiety, how he's been treating me, ect. And he apologized. Things were better for a few days, and then he went right back to snapping at me.

I can't take it anymore. I can't live like this. I don't have the money to get my own place, and with all of my sisters living at home, there's no room at my parents.

I'd like to work on our relationship, but he just doesn't seem willing to. It's almost like he's trying to get rid of me. I'm so heartbroken, and even more so at the thought of how all this can affect DD.

I'm so scared to approach the topic of my leaving to him. My anxiety is just so overwhelming the thought of talking about it with him makes me shaky and nauseous.

Again, sorry for the super long post...I just don't know what to do anymore. Any thoughts or advice would be very much appreciated.

TrueBeliever925 · April 2014

First of all, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. ((huge hugs!)) I don't really fully know the situation but based on what you wrote, I would say that you and your SO need to sit down and have a conversation about each others feelings. I know it's scary and makes you feel AWFUL, but to get anywhere, you both need to be honest with each other.

You need to think about some things before you sit down too. Are you willing to be with him if he truly makes and effort to help and understand you? or is this relationship just over to you? You need to be leaning one way or the other when you go into the conversation. If you do want to work on things, express that to him. Emotions are scary, especially when we think someone else we love won't understand them. Just give him a preface that you're letting your guard down and that you really need to talk to him about your feelings. Just let him know you aren't attacking him for how he's been, but that this is how you are feeling based on his words and actions and the stress of life with LO in general. And also let him know this is your breaking point -- things need to change or else you're leaving.

Believe me, you're not alone. It takes SO much work for a relationship to work after adding a little one. I think every woman on here has struggled at one point or anything in this short time after having our LO's. Again, I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but in my opinion, unless you talk directly to your SO NOTHING will get solved. Good luck

And even if you want to vent I'm always here.

eta: I agree with mwalker! Counseling seems like it would work wonders here.

Millimeter · April 2014

I agree with everything already said. I always make sure to say "I feel" a lot that way it doesn't seem like you are attacking.

I always tell my husband that when he does something it makes me feel like he doesn't care or XYZ. Even if he isn't trying to come across that way or it isn't his intention, it feels that way to me. It has helped our relationship a lot.

Counseling is a great idea, for yourself or together. We never went as a couple but I went before we were married and it helps a lot.

It's never fun being in such a situation and I'm sorry you are going through it.

BellaOso · April 2014

I'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time. I personally don't have much experience with this situation and can only imagine that it must be incredibly hard and stressful.

Based on what you have said, I would suggest talking to a friend or family member to help you with a plan to leave, whether it is only for a few days or long term. It sounds to me like he either needs to get a taste of what he stands to lose if he doesn't help and support you, or he wants you to leave. Either way, some time apart would be advantageous for both of you.

Get a plan in place and leave with the idea that you guys can talk and work things out. Then if you do - great! If not, at least you will have taken the first big scary step.

Khaleesi07 · April 2014

Thanks so much for the advice everyone :-)

@BellaOso‌ I like the idea of having a plan in place before talking with SO. Even though my parents house is crowded, I could talk to one of my aunts or my grandmother about saying with them temporarily.

I've gone to a support group in the past and things started getting worse when I slacked off on going...there's a meeting on Wednesday, and I'm definitely going. I also need to seek out a therapist.

I'm still working on what I'm going to say to SO, and how to approach him...I'm hoping that I can get some encouragement at support group on Wednesday, that will help give me the courage I need to basically let him know that I'm going to leave him unless he's actually serious about working things out.

MagPie 1986 · April 2014

I don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said but I hope you keep us updated and you always have people that care here. Please use us as a place to vent or seek help if you need it. Good luck, we're thinking of you

PB102012 · April 2014

I am so sorry you're going through this. The PP's have great advice. I hope that the two of you are able to talk and get better soon.

shivers7 · April 2014

I dont have anything to offer either other than hope things go well for you! With or without your SO it sounds like you have a plan to take care of yourself with the support group and counseling. Hopefully your family can help you too.

So sorry you're going through this.

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