temper tantrums- how do you deal?

monkeypants23 · April 2014

DD is 2- she has always had temper tantrums- but it can be the littest thing that can set her off- like we're in the back yard and she wants to hold the sheers to cut the shrubs-obviously i tell her no and she freaks- throws herself on the floor and bangs her head- i try to ignore her- but i dont want her to hurt herself....

or we could be in the playroom and if i dont sit EXACTLY where she tells me to she will freak out crying- i mean in that instance do i just let her cry cause i dont want her to think that she gets everything she wants-

its exhausting- i guess i dont know when to give in to her or stand strong- what do you do? do you bribe them with lollipops, let them get their way or stick to your guns and let them cry it out???????

sometimes i just dont want to fight with her- she can cry for a half hour over NOTHING!!! should I just ignore it???? HELP

Ashes_3 · April 2014

Sometimes I just have to let the tantrum run it's course. Some days we can redirect with no problem, other days he just has to scream it out no matter what we try.

junebugrbig · April 2014

DD is almost 2-1/2 and we are in the full throws of terrible twos and temper tantrums. Some happen for no reason, mostly because things do not go her way, others because her brother is antagonizing her. I intervene with the brother sister issues. The tantrums that are because she is frustrated, I ignore them until she calms down then talk to her. There is no sense is trying to reason with her during the tantrum because she is not hearing me at all. After it is over, I am reassuring and consistent in my talks with her. It will take a while but she will get it and the tantrums will become less and less as she learns to handle her frustration better.

One thing I notices, the tantrums with DD are much more intense and emotional than they were with DS. Guessing it is a girl thing....

vamomtobe · April 2014

I try to offer an alternative, or otherwise redirect his attention. That will usually calm him down pretty quickly, but not always.

If he's really locked in on getting what he wants, and it's full-blown screaming and banging his head on the floor (ouch!), ignoring him doesn't work for us. We pick him up, dodge the flailing arms, and walk around or sit him down and rub his back until he calms down, and then move on quickly. I agree with a pp about saying things to let LO know you understand that they are upset. They can't communicate well, and it's frustrating, so letting them know you understand does seem to help (sometimes)!

Maybe we should be ignoring him, that seems to be what's usually recommended, but he really starts whacking his head into the floor hard, and that just makes him feel worse, and it spirals into a bad, bad place pretty quickly. Do what works, but definitely stand your ground on rules.

sunnyday016 · April 2014

I try to be understanding in that I will explain to him why he can't do something, but if he continues I walk away. He too can throw a tantrum for a half hour over nothing, and I'm not going to sit and try to talk to him the whole time. It's useless-he can't hear me. I will let him go for awhile and then come back and try to calm him. But no, I never bribe with treats. He doesn't get rewarded for tantrums.

monkeypants23 · May 2014

fredalina said:

Do not give her what she wanted when she threw the fit (though I do think she could use shears with you spotting her and holding them with her in the first place) and do not bribe. Many people say to ignore the tantrum but that isn't what I preferred to do when my daughter had them. I preferred to say something reflective of her feelings, like "You are sad and mad because you wanted to hold the shears. It looked like fun, but it isn't safe and it isn't a toy." And then touch her gently on the arm or head, and stay close but not in her face. Usually I would be 4 or 5 feet away. Before long (10-30 seconds) there would be a point when it seemed like she was calming. I would face her and open my arms a little. Sometimes she would come give me a hug and sometimes she would scream louder. When that happened I said, "You're still sad and mad. I am here when you are ready for a hug." Go about my business, again within 4-6 feet but this time paying less attention to her but not "ignoring" her. Soon, again usually within 30 seconds or a minute, she would be ready for a hug and to move on. I don't know if it's just my kid's personality or the tactics I took, but she rarely had tantrums after she was 18 months old or so. (Before that she did because of communication difficulties). She only had one "epic" tantrum where she screamed for 45 minutes. That one was on vacation and it was a perfect storm of not getting enough sleep, being super hungry, and being sun-weary.

thank you i do like your approach= i read that in Happiest Toddler on the Block - trying to reflect what they are feeling since they cant express themselves yet- so yes I will try this more- and I like that you stay close cause if i ignore and walk away that can sometimes spiral into something even bigger!!!

monkeypants23 · May 2014

thanks EVERYONE! im just happy that I/m not the only one going thru this- i will take all your advice

Want a personalized experience?

temper tantrums- how do you deal?

Re: temper tantrums- how do you deal?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards