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PPD?? Needing someone to talk to...(long)

kwalk1kwalk1 member
in Preemies
Hey all. So lately I've been feeling really inadequate as a mom. I don't know exactly why. As you may know my DD is 10 months/ 9 adjusted, and spent 34 days in the NICU last June/July. While she was in there, I was so scared and hated seeing her hooked up to so many tubes and monitors. I felt shafted that I didn't get the typical have the baby then take them home experience. I know my story is not as horrible as some, but I still feel sad about it. When she finally got to come home I was so happy, but as the weeks went on I felt more and more like I couldn't bond. All she did for about 3 weeks was cry and cry during a certain time of night. I felt ready to break and I was always angry. So she phased out of that and then came more phases and I still feel angry most of the time. Please don't hate me, but I get angry at my daughter. I hate when she cries, especially if I have no idea why. When she's crying and I don't know why, I'll just put her on the floor and let her cry because I'm afraid of how mad I get. All my life I have jumped to the worse possible reaction whenever I feel angry, sad, or annoyed. Now that she is finally mobile she's getting into everything, and climbing all over me, and I feel like I just can't take it. Where most moms would tell their baby "no, no" and move on, I yell and get mean. Now I think her top teeth are coming in and she's been so clingy and whiney for about a week. What do you all do when you're "tapped out"? Should I seek out help? I'm really not even sure if the insurance we have covers therapy. Thank you for listening everyone.
Lilypie - (4VBD)
Kira Otter
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Re: PPD?? Needing someone to talk to...(long)

  • ziggy903ziggy903 member
    First off, (((hugs)))
    Please talk to your doctor- your OB. They can make recommendations based on what you need- mine wrote me a prescription for lexapro and some info about support groups.


    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
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  • xnbridexnbride member
    I think every mom who had the NICU experience regardless of time should see a therapist/counselor. It is such a tough journey and of course the bonding is going to be difficult. I applaude you for admitting that you need to talk to someone and that you want more for yourself. I remember feeling like a shadow of myself when I was going through PPD. I didn't like who I was and I hated that feeling. Sending you love and hugs. Things will get better. You are not alone!

     

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    9 angels in heaven-3 in my arms and 1 in the NICU                                                                                                                                    
    Mono/di twin girls: Josephine born to heaven and Evangeline born Earthside at 25w

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  • Cst2CstBrideCst2CstBride member
    In addition to all the great advice you've already been given, is there someone safe IRL you can tell about this? If you are really to the point that you are yelling at your baby and leaving her to cry, someone should know so that you can get practical help. You need someone to call if it gets worse who will come instantly. PPD can escalate quickly and this sounds miserable for you now, but could be dangerous if it gets worse. I hope you get some support and help soon.
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  • Cst2CstBrideCst2CstBride member
    Oh, also give Tylenol/Motrin. They can't tell you what is wrong, but if you think there could be pain, give her meds. Teething is miserable.
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  • kwalk1kwalk1 member
    Thank you ladies for all your helpful advice. I'm going to call the doctor soon and hopefully get an appointment. My DH works second shift and sadly that's when the crying usually starts. But I've been giving her to my FIL lately when I know I'm starting to get really bad.
    Lilypie - (4VBD)
    Kira Otter
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