Ridiculous comments

keags5496 · April 2014

Every once in a while I stop and think about the ridiculous things that one out of my mouth in relation to parenting. The following are from this morning alone.

Me: Pants are not optional.
Evan (3yo): But being naked is cool mom

Me: Don't eat apple slices out of your toes
Evan: but my hands are busy (they weren't)

Me: Evan, don't lick your brothers face
Evan: but he's so cute!

Smh. Feel free to add your own so I don't feel quite so crazy.

RondackHiker · April 2014

Me: Don't put that ant on your sister.
DS (3): Should I take the others off?
Me: the others?
DS: I put one two three four five ants on her. She likes them in her hair.

Me: Don't talk to strangers about your penis.

Me: You're not a dog. You pee inside, not on the lawn.

Me: Calm down. Your sister didn't lose her penis. She never had one.

CandiceBerman · April 2014

Hahaha love these! How funny and adorable. I am excited to hear the funny things LO has to say when he gets old enough to talk.

Soap1 · April 2014

Half the time I say something to my kids, in my head I'm saying, "That's what she said" in Michael Scott's voice.

"Stop putting that in your mouth."

"Get your hand out of your pants."

"Stop wrestling in the bathtub."

MamaHollywood27 · April 2014

Me: your almost 13 and bigger then me... You CAN NOT wrestle your 9 and 5 year old brothers
Him: can I wrestle you then?
Me: let me make dinner first 8-}

Me: No you can not pee on the big red ball-in front of target
DD3- why not, I can pee outside by grams
Me: grams lives in the country surrounded by trees- do that here and you will be on the news.
DD3: oh really?
Me: get your butt inside and pee!

Me: dd you have to keep your shirt on.

DD: but y? Guys (what she calls her her brothers) don't

Me: because your a girl.

DD: looking at me w her little squint.... Comes back down stairs w her pants off.... She wins lol

shellbell3845 · April 2014

I'm pumping right now. DH says "I wish you a bountiful harvest!" (He's fascinated by how much I pump. I think he'd keep a spreadsheet if I let him.)

Soap1 · April 2014

shellbell3845 said:

I'm pumping right now. DH says "I wish you a bountiful harvest!" (He's fascinated by how much I pump. I think he'd keep a spreadsheet if I let him.)

DS2 is fascinated by nursing in general. The other day he said, "Can I see your boobs? I love boobs."

Oh boy.

C12H22O11 · April 2014

Upon explaining Easter to DS: "When Jesus came alive again, was he a zombie?"

queeniecrayon · April 2014

I inadvertently taught my 2.5 yr old the word crotch. This transpired while I was changing a diaper in the other room:

DD1: *in bathroom with DH* haha daddy your crotch is out!

DH: *laughs like a 10 yr old boy*

DD1: haha big crotch daddy!

Me: *dead*

In the bathroom at Meijer on Easter

DD1: ew mommy you pooped your panties!

Me: no that's not poop it's a pad

DD1: you pee red on your panties! Ew!

Me: *dead*

keags5496 · April 2014

LaurLaurLaur said:
She also told a random teenager at McDonalds that daddy stinks up the bathroom so she is going to pee at here at Old McDonalds (as in McDs) instead.

DS calls if Old McDonalds too

jrosa1 · April 2014

Hahaha! I love these! I teach kindergarten and when I told my class I was pregnant one boy said "where is the special door that the baby comes out of?" I told him I didn't know and he should ask his mom. He said "she doesn't know either!!" Haha

bella423 · April 2014

When I worked in daycare, all the boys (1st grade) would say things like "I got hit in the nuts" or balls or junk. I told them those things weren't OK to say in front of girls and they needed to say something more appropriate. So one day this boy gets hit with a football, grabs himself and bends over screaming "Ohh, he got me in the bible" I guess he figured bible was the most appropriate word he knew

and of course all of the other boys thought it was hilarious.

bella423 · April 2014

jrosa1 said:
Hahaha! I love these! I teach kindergarten and when I told my class I was pregnant one boy said "where is the special door that the baby comes out of?" I told him I didn't know and he should ask his mom. He said "she doesn't know either!!" Haha

I teach second and a girl wanted to know which hole was the baby hole. I too said ask your mom!

sweet*18 · April 2014

DS1: "hey mom, I met Taylor Swift"
Me: "o ya, where?"
DS1: "in my dreams"

Also this...

DD: when I go to prom, can I wear a strapless, blue dress with high heels? (After we went to my cousins grand march)

DH: no you're not going to prom and you're not dating

DD: you're going to have to let me grow up sometime, only 9 years until I go off to college. I'll just ask mom

And..

DD: mom, DS1 is trying to rope me (we had just been to the rodeo and they each got a new rope)

Me: DS1 you cannot rope your sister, you can Only practice on the fake horses and chairs

DS1: they don't move, they're too easy to rope

magentawarped · April 2014

I have had to scream "Don't put your finger in the dog's butt!" We called DD the amature canine proctologist after that one.

Also: "Don't lick the cat."
"Please stop licking your shoes."
"Giraffes don't go in the potty."

inluv4life2 · April 2014

bbattaglia0220 said:
When I worked in daycare, all the boys (1st grade) would say things like "I got hit in the nuts" or balls or junk. I told them those things weren't OK to say in front of girls and they needed to say something more appropriate. So one day this boy gets hit with a football, grabs himself and bends over screaming "Ohh, he got me in the bible" I guess he figured bible was the most appropriate word he knew and of course all of the other boys thought it was hilarious.

I just peed laughing at this!

inluv4life2 · April 2014

DD continues to refer to her diary as her diarrhea. As in "moooooom! I can't find the key to my diarrhea!!"

Flyingtoast · April 2014

When I was little I was so proud I could say truck and scream it and point all excited. Problem was I couldn't say 'tr' but 'f'. Evidently it lasted at least a year

I had all my BILs and SILs (6kids under 7) over. At dinner we were talking about what we learned today and a compliment. The 6yr old tells me how knocking is very important when mommy is kissing daddies boo boo in his no touch place. #-o

The next oldest tells me that I was very nice to make fancy tuna casserole for the cat. When I asked why she said that, she says it tastes the same.

kathegreat · April 2014

/ded
This whole thread made me die lol

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