Update!

smboswell1 · April 2014

Okay ladies I desperately need some advice! First off, I'm the single 21 year old mom who is having issues with the bf/ex bf. I told my family when I was 9 weeks! I have been trying to get the ex to tell his family for weeks now. His dad is doing his contracting work in Afghanistan, so he won't be home until July. His mom lives only 45 minutes away from our college town and he goes home every weekend. He is refusing to tell his mom. My family and myself are getting really annoyed. I told him several times that he needs to tell his mom this weekend because I'm at 12 weeks. She needs to know and the longer he waits she will be very upset! I have even offered to tell her myself and be there when he tells her. Nothing has worked and I don't know where to go from here. He's 23, time to grow up!

jj0313 · April 2014

Hi! I can understand why you want him to tell her-sounds like it was important to you to tell your parents. But don't many people wait until at least this long, sometimes even longer? If he is your ex-boyfriend you might choose where to pick your battles on this one. Ask him for a timeline when he will tell and then hold him to that. Good luck!

smboswell1 · April 2014

My family is ready to discuss future plans with his family. I guess since we are so young, my family and myself feel that his family deserves to know. And knowing his mom, she's going to be so upset that she didn't know sooner.

lisaren · April 2014

You're young, but not underage. You two made this baby, he was going to ask you to marry him soon, right?? Before the break up.
Honestly, your parents really have little say so in this. They can be supportive for you, but that should be it.
If he's not ready to tell his mom that's his business. I understand you wanting her to know, but that's between him. and her.
If his mom is upset, that will be his consequence.

smboswell1 · April 2014

Yes we were. And you are right. I will let him be and when he tells his mom it will be his choice, not mine. I guess my nice personality played a big part of this. It just breaks my heart that she has no idea that I am pregnant. She's thinking that the ex and I are perfect. Idk. Makes me sad.

Ineedmorecoffee · April 2014

You guys aren't extreme young, and I am sorry he isn't being super supportive. I would give him his space and let him tell his mom when he wants to. It'll be his battle to deal with the longer he waits, and pressuring him to tell her seems like it might push him further away.

I'm not sure why you have to discuss future plans between your families. Isn't that something you two should discuss yourselves? I hope it all works out for you.

lisaren · April 2014

It would make me sad that his mom cannot be a part of this beautiful process, maybe write her a letter and when she does find out from him you can give her the letter.... Explaining you want her to be a part of baby's life, etc..
Sounds like to me he has quite a few personal demons he's fighting.

Has he offered to go to appts??
Do you two speak at all now???

smboswell1 · April 2014

Well, money is a big thing. He doesn't even work and my family and I have already started saving up. I would like for him to help out with doctor bills and ect. The letter is a great idea! And he actually went to my first US and for about a week he was very interested in baby. He even mentioned how he wanted a girl. But after that, all he talks about is an abortion and how I'm ruinin his life. He is very back and forth and it's very stressful.

Ineedmorecoffee · April 2014

smboswell1 said:
Well, money is a big thing. He doesn't even work and my family and I have already started saving up. I would like for him to help out with doctor bills and ect. The letter is a great idea! And he actually went to my first US and for about a week he was very interested in baby. He even mentioned how he wanted a girl. But after that, all he talks about is an abortion and how I'm ruinin his life. He is very back and forth and it's very stressful.

I am so sorry you're going through this.

I can't imagine how painful it would be. I hope he does grow up and come around. You are NOT ruining his life. He is just as much a part of the making of that child as you are.

shan24 · April 2014

I am 11 weeks and SO hasn't told him mom yet, either. I'm not super concerned about it right now. At this point, I'm letting him handle his relationship with his mother (she and I aren't super close, for no reason other than we haven't spent a lot of time together - SO and I lived away for a long time and just recently moved closer to our families). If I start pushing 16 weeks and he still hasn't told her, I might have something to say about it.

Unfortunately, having his mother know won't make him any more supportive than he already is. And, where he is an adult, she has no financial responsibility to the baby or you (although I hope she does help out when she can - even if it's just emotional support for you and being a part of baby's life).

I like the letter idea. I think it will let her know that keeping it from her wasn't something you were comfortable with and might smooth things over between you if she's upset when she does find out.

smboswell1 · April 2014

Thanks for all of the advice! I am just going to lay low and hope he tells his mom eventually! His grandmother and my grandmother are best friends; she's keeping quiet until his family knows!

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