STM: feeling guilty

fireflygirl12 · April 2014

DS1 is 19 months and he absolutely adores his new baby brother. Unfortunately, he's wanted nothing to do with me since we brought Owen home. He only wants DH or his brother. When I dropped him off at daycare the other day, he cried because Owen was leaving and wouldn't even give me hugs goodbye, which he always does. I'm alone with both kids for 2 to 3 hours every afternoon, and I try to just focus on DS1 unless I need to feed Owen. It breaks my heart that I've lost the bond with my older son and I don't know what to do. I'm not sure what I'm asking for, but really needed to vent as I sit here ugly crying.

bingbongsmama · April 2014

I understand, it's the same with me and my 3 year old. It started when I went to the hospital to have the baby, I was gone 3 nights and had never been away from her more than a couple of hours before.

I slept in her bed with her and had DH take the baby a few nights and took her on some outings alone.
She is starting to come around now, but it's definitely different and most of the time she still pushes me away.

haziedaze · April 2014

DS1 was like this for a while after I was hospitalized at 25 weeks, in the hospital he wouldn't sit with me and barely let me hug him. When we got home he cried for DH when he left. It lasted about a week and afterwards he was still more into Daddy than ever before, but became my cuddle bug again. It was a win-win. Hoping for the same for you!

strawberrytree · April 2014

DS1 was like this in the hospital. He would kiss his brother on the head and clung to DH but he wouldn't even look at me. Now that he's had a week to get used to him he tolerates me, but he just wants DH to put him to bed, cuddle him, play with him, etc. I'm a SAHM so when the baby is sleeping I try to do something fun with DS1 but he just pushes me away and wants to play on his own

. I'm hoping it is a short lived phase and he gets over it in the next week or so.

beautifulstr13 · April 2014

DS did this in the hospital and for about a week when we got home. He refused to go near me or the baby. He is slowly coming around. He will give me hugs and cuddle a little now. He still hasnt warmed up to the baby.

abbeylanecb · April 2014

Oh no! I'm sorry you are going through this. It's a big change for everyone and I'm sure DS1 will come around. Just keep loving on him and spending quality time with him every day. ((Hugs))

babym6705 · April 2014

My 4 yr DD has been struggling to adjust too. Sometimes she likes her brother, sometimes she doesnt, but my bigger concern is about the bond between me and her, it was really strong pre baby and I just feel like we are disconnected now and things feel different. I don't know how to get our tight bond back.

Although I don't wish this on anyone it helps to know others are going through the same thing.

horae4me · April 2014

My mom warned me his would happen. Ds is 15 months. He wanted nothing to do with me when he visited me in the hospital and when I came home. He is starting to come around now after almost 3 weeks. I think it's normal. I try to make special time for him and make an effort to give him attention. Hope it passes soon!

BR · April 2014

Wow, I had no idea this was so common. I'm sorry so many other people are going through this but I know how it feels. My two year old DD seems to not care if I'm in the room at all. I thought it was because I had a c-section and can't pick her up. But now I'm thinking it's just not that. It's heartbreaking and been the hardest part of all this. I hope it passes quickly for all of us.

Linnea503 · April 2014

My two year old was having a really hard time adjusting, different issues, but it was clear he was upset. During one of his meltdowns I finally started verbalizing for him. Stuff like "you are really mad that mama was at the hospital. You were scared I wouldn't come home. You want mama all to yourself." He really responded well to that so I am continuing to do that as issues arise. "You are jealous of baby brother, etc."

Mustardseed2007 · April 2014

DS did this very thing. I also had hospital bed rest so I think that played into it. What help turnaround was getting back into our bedtime routine where I read him stories then sing him songs before putting him to bed. It's totally just a phase.

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