I just need to vent (pregnancy and losses mentioned)

Pintobean39 · April 2014

I'm sorry it's long.

A little back story. I have a friend that I use to do things with a lot. Last year I had surgery on my head and she never even asked how I was doing. Then I got preg and she never said congrats or even acknowledge it. Then when I miscarried not even an "I'm sorry". All last year I only saw her when I had a cookout pool party otherwise never heard a peep from her. Fast forward 2 more miscarriages and I had a brunch at my house and my meds were delivered for my first med cycle so I came clean about it all. Everyone of course said I'm sorry and good luck, except her. Honestly I've written her off as a friend but I just feel obligated when we have get togethers to invite her.

A few months ago I found out she got pregnant, while on bc. Her husband told my husband to tell me. We went to a get together and she was there a couple days after I found out. I realized half way through everyone knew but everyone was being hush hush when I walked up, it was so obvious. We left early and I cried the whole way home, I was so hurt.

Now yesterday we had a crawfish boil and I felt obligated to invite her. If I don't now I'm the bitch that doesn't like her because she's pregnant, but I don't like her because she's an self absorbed bitch. Yesterday morning I had my ugly cry because I just know I'm out this cycle and it's now onto IVF. I was really hoping she wouldn't show up but she did.

Then when she gets here she tells me she bought a new bathing suit that will hold her boobs now. I told her yeah I bought me 2 last year at the same place when I was pregnant. Then she said well I only got 1 because I imagine with work I won't be able to come here swimming but a few days a week. WTF??? I didn't invite her to come swim. She is also now 4 months pregnant and she spent the entire time rubbing her belly, you would have thought she was 9 months by the way she was acting. She also yelled at my dog most of the day about everything and just down right bitchy to me, even rolled her eyes once when I said something. My husband made a comment after she left about how she was acting and didn't care if she ever came over again.

I really don't want to be around her at all anymore and I feel like I'm being such a bitch about it. I've always been way to nice but with all this other IF crap I'm really having a hard time.

adadeart · April 2014

I think you've gone out of your way here. Her not acknowledging your pregnancy/miscarriage would have been the last straw for me. Hugs to you for having to be around her. So sorry she's such a bitch. I think this process is so draining that we should try and only be around the good, caring people who give us positive energy. Big hugs and hope today is much better for you!

theholmanherd · April 2014

Wow you've really put up with a lot. Stop inviting her to things because she doesn't deserve your friendship. Her most recent behavior is atrocious. I'm floored. Have you tried to ask her about it? If you are done with the friendship anyway, might as well ask her. But the answer might be really hurtful so maybe just let bygones be bygones and just get rid of her. Ugh. I'm so sorry you had such a rough time. It's like she's trying to rub it in your face. I just don't get people like that. I'm sorry

(((hugs)))

brazenbiblio · April 2014

I agree with a previous poster that you should surround yourself with positivity. This process is stressful enough. I wouldn't invite her to anything else.

Mozzarella13 · April 2014

I agree with pp, and mostly just wanted to say ((hugs))

jencity9 · April 2014

She absolutely does not deserve you as a friend!! I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

Pintobean39 · April 2014

I feel so guilty not inviting her because she's in our little group of friends. I understand that unless you have gone through all this it's really hard to know what to say so I've tried to just suck it up but it's really getting harder to do. I just feel so selfish by saying I don't want to be around her. I'm so glad I came here to vent because I was feeling so horrible for feeling the way I was feeling and y'all made me feel better about it. Like I'm not being irrational about the whole situation. I think it's time that I cut her out of my friendship because I just can't anymore.

Canuck13 · April 2014

I agree with others, I'd stop inviting her to things. Ultimately she is not a positive person in your life right now, and if your other friends think that you stopped just because she's pregnant then they aren't able to understand your situation either unfortunately. Maybe a conversation with the others about how you don't want it to be uncomfortable for them (if the 'bitch' isn't invited) but that you are just really not feeling supported by her right now. I'm sorry your dealing with this

lebradford · April 2014

I'm sorry. :-( I can imagine that not saying anything to you about your miscarriage or her pregnancy could have been because she was not sure what to say. However, I can't think of any explanation of why she would rub her pregnancy in your face this weekend. She sounds really self-centered, and I don't think it would be out of line at all to stop inviting her to things.

tumbleweed123 · April 2014

It doesn't really matter why she is treating you poorly. The fact that she IS treating you poorly means that she should not be part of your life. I vote to eliminate all negativity from your life, and to fill it with only friends who make you feel happy and loved. That woman sounds like a horrible person who does not deserve your friendship. (((hugs)))

DharmaChick · April 2014

At the best, giving her the most benefit of the doubt, this person sounds incredibly clueless and self-centered. However, even if she's just an idiot (and not just being a bitch), I agree that she is not what you need in your life right now.

If you really feel obligated to keep inviting her, I would recommend at least having a conversation with her about how her words/actions are making you feel. If you're not comfortable with that, maybe you have a good friend who could speak to her for you? If she doesn't apologize and (hopefully) adjust her behavior, I don't think that anyone could question a decision to avoid her.

I'm really sorry that you are dealing with this, especially at your own home. *Hugs*

cymber217 · April 2014

What got me is that your husband even noticed.. dudes never notice the sneaky crap girls do to other girls.. so if he noticed it must have been bad! And she was yelling at your dog?! Nobody yells at my dog and gets away with it. Cut this girl out!! Its going gonna get worse!!! I agree with cutting negativity out of your life and surrounding yourself with positives

BunnyBerry · April 2014

She sounds like a bully, and like it makes her feel good to make you feel bad. Now that your DH has noticed, it sounds like a great excuse if needed, if he's willing to take the fall for you..."oh last time she was here, DH couldn't believe how rude she was to me and our dog." Probably others know what she is really like (people like that can't hide it from everyone), even if they are careful not to offend her!!

Lillovebug79 · April 2014

She honestly sounds like such a bitch. You have done everything you possibly could to include her and give her a chance to treat you better. She doesn't deserve your friendship and she sure as hell doesn't deserve to be at your house or use your pool. It's time to kick her butt to the curb!

daffydillie · April 2014

She yelled at your DOG? What is wrong with her. I am sorry, but NO ONE yells at my dog or corrects them but me.

The fact that she treated you like crap through your losses, did not talk to you personally about her pregnancy, and was such a bitch that even DH noticed I would drop her from your life.

I would also address the issues with her incase you run into her elsewhere since she is in your friend group. Maybe it can be explained, but more than likely shes just a self absorbed bitch who has to even take her bitchiness out on helpless dogs.

athlete010688 · April 2014

I'm sorry you're having to deal with her. I don't have anything else more to add, but I agree with PP. Cut her out, or at least, talk to her. Sorry!

nswain85 · April 2014

I am so so sorry that you had to deal with that girl and that she is even around in your circle at all frankly. I agree with your DH, probably best she doesn't come around. It sounds like she is in her "all about me" reality show and it has no cancellation.

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