People Can Be So Stupid... (Pregnancy/Kids Mentioned, not mine)

daffydillie · April 2014

Hi everyone, just first wanted to say I am still around lurking just been busy with testing and treatment from my tumor and still benched until further notice.

My father in law is still an idiot but I have moved into our new house on our farm and life is slowly getting better outside of IF.

Last week, I had 3 transvaginal ultrasounds to look at my tumor some more and figure out what was going on. They are finding it is growing with my hormone levels and this was a follow up from some "hormone therapy" (BCP pills more or less) before they zap me with a laser. They claim it will only take an afternoon with a long weekend off work and I should be good as new. I am a skeptic.

So after getting all of this news on Saturday, I go to family dinner for Easter. The kids hunt eggs in shifts and the adults eat and socialize inside. The kids are older so I am ok dealing with them and have been getting better with being around younger kids. Well, my cousin shows up with her daughter that is 5. I am already a little awkward around her daughter because she was pregnant with her when I was pregnant with my last loss but my cousin yells "look at her shirt" I look and it says "I am going to be a big sister in October 2014." This sweet little girl proceeds to show me the pumpkins on her shirt that represent her and the new baby. I almost died. No warning, no buffer, nothing.

I am fighting hard against my tears and I tell DH its time to go and make up an excuse. Of course he decides now is a great time to start talking to everyone and is screwing around. I almost had to literally drag him to the car because I was about to have a complete nervous breakdown while he is trying to talk about everything and anything with my uncles and I did not want to do it in front of anyone else and he just completely missed what was going on because I have not had an "episode" lately.

So I get in the car and I am crying and he has no idea why I am so heart broken since we are "trying" and that we will be Okay if we dont have our own kids and starts talking about cars. I just ignore him and havent talked to much of anyone all week.

I was so, so angry. My Aunt who was there knew about my IF problems because she has been there for a lot of my appointments and such and my cousin went through a ton of issues with her first baby and now this one. They both knew I would be blind sided about it and not a single bit of warning. And not only that, they put a child up to tell me and couldnt do it themselves. She even told my bio dad that at least she could give him grandbabies because they are closer than my dad and I am. I wanted to choke DH out for screwing around, my cousin for blindsiding me and putting her daughter up for telling me, and my aunt for being the first to start talking about my cousins baby bump that led into all the other baby talk I just was not mentally ready to deal with.

jjgrl55 · April 2014

So sorry about your unwelcome Easter "surprise". It sucks enough when people who don't know what's going on say insensitive things, but when people who should know better do it......it feels almost cruel. Perhaps she thought sending her daughter was the nicer approach, but I'm sure it felt like taking a bullet.

Perhaps consider a signal for you and DH for these occasions? Something to let him know that you need to leave NOW, no excuses? It helps my DH and I, even for occasions that don't have anything to do with IF.

Good luck on your surgery!

theholmanherd · April 2014

I second having a signal with DH. I am so so sorry for your loss and for all the horrible things that happened on Easter. My heart absolutely breaks for you. I've been there for sure. This same scenario happened to me during Thanksgiving last year. No warning that time either. It was awful. I am so sorry you're feeling so down

daffydillie · April 2014

We did have a signal. He just forgot about it and thought I would be fine. He isn't the most considerate of people these days. He said we are "trying" and I need to chill out. My Aunt told me she "forgot" and didn't realize I was going to be there. My cousin hasn't talked to me since I referred her to my RE and obviously it was successful. So it was just all around crappy day. I'm so over people and being "forgetful."

DharmaChick · April 2014

It makes it so much harder when nobody around seems understand what you are going through.

It can be difficult for guys to understand. My DH knows that news like this hurts, but it leaves him speechless. I can tell that he feels badly that he doesn't know what to say.

In any case, I hope that venting here has helped a bit. Know that we are sending plenty of virtual hugs.

Lillovebug79 · April 2014

I'm sorry, that is so hard and being blindsided is the worst!!!

ktupiak · April 2014

OMG im so sorry you had to go through that. On easter I had to see my sister who is preg with her 3rd and show off her "baby bump" which isnt actually yet and I made her mad when I said well last time I checked baby bumps dont jiggle. ..made me feel better. But this was the first time I was going to have to see her and deal with the issue face to face and DH decided last minute he didnt want to go and I really needed him there because I didnt know how I was going to react. And we had a huge fight before I left the house, luckily I had an hr drive but my mom calls me and I start bawling to her and she just tells me maybe I just shouldn't come if I cane be happy for her...ugh...I totally understand your issues and if DH tells me again that I need to "CHILL" hes gonna need a chilly ice pack for his face...just sayin lol

Pintobean39 · April 2014

I'm so sorry. I know unless you have been going through all this it's really had to understand but it amazes me how some people really can be so insensitive.

Good luck with the surgery.

AngM123 · April 2014

It's amazing how stupid and insensitive people are. I totally understand what you are going through. People who have never dealt with IF will NEVER understand what we go through, no matter how informed they are. And that makes me angry everyday.

Mozzarella13 · April 2014

((Hugs)) it amazes me how so many people lack manners and decency, especially since they know your struggles!

daffydillie · April 2014

I think what blindsided me and hurt the most is these people know better. My cousin especially. She would call me crying when she was in the same situations she put me in. Granted, I have a "tough" exterior and all but I am human too. DH gets it, he realized this afternoon how much of a jerk he was being after his friend was out playing baseball with his kids and he realized there was a real possibility that that may never be him. Then he remembered the struggles we were going through.

I just do not understand people who have been here and cried with you turning around and not getting it. I just ask that people be a little sensitive and dont blind side me with things like that. I get she wanted a big announcement but seriously, some understanding would be nice.

Of course this was all followed up with a conversation how I dont have kids so I dont understand... so I just decided I wont be visiting my dads family for awhile after that incident.

athlete010688 · April 2014

I'm sorry you were blindsided by the news

My DH doesn't get it that much either.

nswain85 · April 2014

I am so so sorry that you had to go through that... I wish that the sdults had handled the situation differently knowing how you feel and that it would upset you. I agree, maybe give that side of the family a break for a while...

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People Can Be So Stupid... (Pregnancy/Kids Mentioned, not mine)

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