Big brother/ big sister acting out?

Sunshinelou · April 2014

My 3.5 year old son is so sweet and funny but he has always been a very strong willed and challenging child. He loves his new little brother and really seems happy he is here but his behavior is out of control. I believe in setting clear expectTions with rewards and consequences that are consistently enforced. The problem is that it is so hard to deal with his tantrums when I have a hungry screaming baby at the same time. He also realizes I can't chase him or carry him so running away and throwing himself I the floor is almost funny to him now. He is still in school full time one more week and dh is very helpful although he is less consistent than I am. I feel like for the most part I know how handle his behavior but I am struggling emotionally and physically to deal with in the effective way he needs. We are doings lot of things like sticking to his routine as much as possible, giving him more one on one time and Including him in The care of the baby but I am finding myself becoming so bitchy and short tempered with him. How are you coping???.....and please excuse spelling and grammar errors..I'm typing one handed on iPad while feeding lo and trying to get my 3year to put on underwear and stop jumping on the bed

jenskurn · April 2014

I'm right there with you with my 2 yr old. To make matters worse she has been sick all wk (first time in a yr... Of course). I'm close with her month board still and everyone that has had another child swears it gets better with time. I think it's just survival at this point! GL!

ksulli · April 2014

I have a 2.5yr old- she doesn't so much act out as go immediately to dramatic tears. Depending on LO1's ability to really understand things, we talk it out and refuse to give attention to blatant attention getting tears. Things like, "I can't understand your words when you're crying, when you calm down we can talk about what you want" which seems way over the top in terms of talking with a toddler, but she does seem to understand.

if your LO thinks running away and throwing tantrums is funny, ignore them (so long as he's in a safe place), and eventually he'll see that it is t getting him the results he wants. It may take a while, but it sounds like all the other stuff you're doing is by the book (keep routine, give one-on-one time, make him your big helper, etc). Good luck!

misskristina21 · April 2014

DD1 is also 3.5 and a very strong willed and stubborn child. She has ran the show for so long, that it's taking her longer to adjust to not having our constant attention. We started a special "chart". If she does things like she's asked, doesn't have a fit/tantrum, etc, then she gets to put a sticker on the chart. For every 20 stickers she gets to pull from a grab bag. We put papers in there that say "movie date with mommy/daddy" ice cream date with mommy/daddy", "sleepover with big cousins", etc. plus we put little prizes in there. Some new small outside sand toys, small books, chalk, etc. She doesn't know what she is going to get until she pulls it out. That has helped a ton. Plus we make it a point to give her about 90 minutes of alone time with each of us, while the other is on baby duty. It's still a learning process.

RedDawnsRevenge · April 2014

My 23month old DD is refusing to eat and only nurses. Nursing a week old and a nearly 2 year old exclusively has made me painfully engorged, and larger than Dolly Parton. Unfortunately DD1 has always had behavioral problems so things are only worse now. I have had to completely disregard dr's orders in order to care for her.

BR · April 2014

Yes, my two year old is totally acting out. She is doing things on purpose that she knows she's not supposed to do and then smiles at us. This is so unlike her...usually she is a perfect angel. I am really struggling with this and wondering where my sweet girl went. I pray it gets better quickly because nothing we are doing is working.

beautifulstr13 · April 2014

We are struggling with our 4 year old. He has always been challenging too. He also doesn't want to be around his baby sister. He will come over and say something about her being cute but if we put her near him he acts like she will hurt him. He freezes and freaks out a little. He has started acting like he is hurt a lot. He will pretend to fall and throw a huge crying fit over it. We are just picking our battles right now. I understand it's a hard adjustment for him too. When I have the energy I will try to harder.

Sunshinelou · April 2014

Well, at least we are not alone! I guess it will just take time, I think I am going to try a sticker chart to focus on and reinforce positive behavior. I thinking picking your battles is also important because I don't want ds to learn to get attention for negative behavior and instead really learn what good Behavior looks like so he can feel good about making good choices. I love my sons so much and I I want to be the kind patient mother they deserve. I know it will get better but I just don't want to start bad habits or lose our routines. Again...any advice on how anyone has has successfully gotten through this is appreciated

Edit: we have had great success with sticker charts in the past with him an many of my younger students do well with them (and some could care less!)

MrsMeatball41 · April 2014

I totally felt like I was failing. Our 4 year old won't go near her and is just being plain defiant. Glad to know there are others

bingbongsmama · April 2014

I could have written this, down to the jumping on the bed! My DD (3) loves her baby sister but has been acting out. At first I felt so much guilt but now I'm just frustrated. We've tried to give her extra attention, both taken her out individually but she's still acting out. I'm thinking about putting her in preschool because its getting to be too much. How long is this phase supposed to last? I miss my sweet little girl

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