Baby blues

kangstadt · April 2014

I apologize if this topic has already been discussed, I didn't see any recent A14 threads talking about it. I was just wondering how many of you ladies have experience with the "baby blues," and how long they typically lasted for you. We brought our beautiful baby boy home from the hospital last Thursday, and the baby blues/cocktail of postpartum hormones really hit me hard this week. I'm not a stranger to depression (past history of it, family history of it, plus I've been on Zoloft through my entire pregnancy), and I can feel it isolating me. I was just curious how many other moms have dealt with the baby blues and how you know when it's crossed that line into PPD. TIA.

hordol · April 2014

I'm 8 days postpartum now, and for the first 4-5 I cried at least 3 times a day. I was extremely overwhelmed and was mourning my childless life. I hated breastfeeding and was resentful that most of the work for soothing the baby would fall on me just because I had boobs. I also felt SO guilty for these feelings because DS was so perfect and I felt so selfish. Also, I knew having a child would be a huge life change, so I didn't understand why I couldn't just automatically adjust. On night 2 or 3, I remember laying DS down in his bassinet and my husband reaching over and putting his hand over my hip when I got back into bed, and then I just burst into tears because I realized how much I missed him. It helped for me to be completely honest with my husband and tell him how overwhelmed I was. What helped for me is salvaging some parts of our old routine. For example, DH and I always used to fall asleep watching a few episodes of Family Guy off the DVR. We made sure to start doing that around night 4 and it helped tremendously.

Now for the past couple days I have felt MUCH better. I still have my moments of slight panic, but my hormones are definitely stabilizing and I've managed to catch up on *some* sleep. I met with a lactation consultant to see what I could do about my scabbed over nipples to ease some of the breastfeeding pain, and I really feel like a new person. DS still wants to eat VERY frequently, but it's amazing how much more tolerable that is when my nips aren't on fire.

So yeah, that's my advice--make sure you are honest about your feelings with someone supportive, and make sure you bring some comforting aspect from your old life back into your new one if you can. It really helps the transition. Also, easier said than done, I know, but make sure you are trying to get as much sleep as you can.

kangstadt · April 2014

Thanks ladies... I've definitely felt disconnected from my SO lately, and it's hard for me to open up to anyone, even him, about the struggles I've been having with my emotions. He's asked me a few times lately if I'm upset at him, and my parents have been hovering a bit more, so I know they can tell something is off with me, it's just really hard to talk to anyone. I feel like I have to isolate myself and these feelings from everyone because there's no good reason to be feeling so depressed when I have a beautiful, healthy, perfect little boy. It's also hard to try and open up to my best friend (who I usually talk to about everything) because she just recently had an abortion and I feel insensitive talking about any newborn stuff.

dani+california said:

What's upsetting you? Anything specific, or just a general feeling of helplessness, anxiety, frustration?

General feeling of helplessness, anxiety, frustration, and sadness, as well as feeling completely overwhelmed whenever I think about any of the changes still to come - like my SO having more steady work, so gone more often, or my own return to work after my leave is finished - and I just want to break down.

hordol said:
So yeah, that's my advice--make sure you are honest about your feelings with someone supportive, and make sure you bring some comforting aspect from your old life back into your new one if you can. It really helps the transition. Also, easier said than done, I know, but make sure you are trying to get as much sleep as you can.

I have noticed it gets a little better if we do something familiar, like playing our favorite game together or something. But it's been hard since my SO just bought new parts to rebuild his computer and has been very focused on that project for the past week - granted, he still helps out with the baby, changing diapers and taking him anytime I need a break, but it just makes the disconnect between us feel larger.

Sorry for laying it all out there, I generally hate talking about my emotions and it's even worse when I feel like I'm whining, I just didn't know where else to turn.

jenskurn · April 2014

I am 3 wks pp today with my second. I had no issues with my first, but this time I really struggled from day 5ish to about day 14ish. Every day around dinner time I was near tears, feeling guilty about DD (2 yr old), sad, and just emotional. I would cry on and off several times all evening and then wake up in the AM and feel normal. I'm sure part of it was exhaustion. I finally told DH and it literally got better from that moment on. Now I still cry occasionally, but it's from stress (my 2 yr old is sick on top of having the baby) and I feel way more normal. I would definitely at least talk to dh and if it's not better soon, your OB. I also read that baby blues don't last longer than 2 or 3 wks.

kangstadt · April 2014

jenskurn said:

I am 3 wks pp today with my second. I had no issues with my first, but this time I really struggled from day 5ish to about day 14ish. Every day around dinner time I was near tears, feeling guilty about DD (2 yr old), sad, and just emotional. I would cry on and off several times all evening and then wake up in the AM and feel normal. I'm sure part of it was exhaustion. I finally told DH and it literally got better from that moment on. Now I still cry occasionally, but it's from stress (my 2 yr old is sick on top of having the baby) and I feel way more normal. I would definitely at least talk to dh and if it's not better soon, your OB. I also read that baby blues don't last longer than 2 or 3 wks.

This, exactly. Except the past two days I've woken up and felt more tired/resigned than actually normal (i.e., still sad but not on the brink of tears), but maybe that's because he hasn't been sleeping well at night.

macynsnoop · April 2014

Well your not alone in all your feelings! I am just over 2 weeks pp & I have been feeling all the same things! Just the other day I told my husband that having a baby was a bad idea, I wasn't cut out for this role, I couldn't do anything right for him & that maybe I should just leave. I was totally serious in that moment. I had to give my hubs the baby, take a shower & take the dogs for a short hike. Just doing those few normal things by myself made me realize that the hormones were doing most of the talking & I just need to take things 1 day at a time & don't think too far into the future about the what ifs. Last few days I have been doing better with the roller coaster of emotions. I really think some fresh air, a bit of exercise each day helps, even just taking baby for a walk around the block will clear your head. Good luck & remember you are not alone in your feelings!

alittlelibrary · April 2014

I definitely had the blues until about the three week mark. I was in tears every day, sometimes a few times a day. I talked very openly with my SO and my mom about my sadness, anxiety and doubts to try to keep perspective. Things turned around in a major way this week, though I'm still exhausted and anxious, the tears have ceased.

MadBloom · April 2014

Also delivered last Thursday. Was hit pretty hard with the baby blues on like day 2, after a long birth and complications with me after delivering. Cried my face off for a few days because of trouble with breast feeding and little girl not able to sleep on her own. Had another tough night last night but the days are much better after having a community nurse come over on day 5 and help with a few things.
I feel like things are getting better everyday. Best piece of advice I can leave is ASK FOR HELP. And don't be ashamed to ask for it either.

nursewinnie · April 2014

Oh yes! Daily in the evenings it seemed. Mine was mostly anxiety, but I too was morning the loss of my childless life. Which made me feel worse because I felt so selfish. I knew what was coming for 10 months but somehow I was having trouble dealing. It seems like around week 2 I started feeling much better. Hang in there, and if it's not better after a couple weeks, get help. Don't feel embarrassed.

beautifulstr13 · April 2014

I dealt with this some too. For me it was a fear of having two. I was great in the hospital. Breastfeeding was going great too. As soon as they released us I wanted to stay in the hospital. I knew it was going to be hard with two but didn't realize how hard. I did not adjust well. Breastfeeding also got harder causing me to be up all night cluster feeding and crying for the first week. Now 3 weeks pp I am starting to enjoy her more. I still struggle during DD's witching hour and when DS is being a bratt. I also felt like I couldn't talk to DH because he is quick to jump on the ppd train. I have a hard time explaining to him that it's normal to be a bit emotional. Try finding time for yourself. It will help. Ask DH to put in just a bit more effort. Go shopping by yourself for an hour or indulge in a food you like. All these things will be a morale booster.

railroadRN · April 2014

I've been feeling a lot of these things also. I know it's normal and will go away in about 2 weeks, but I so wish there was an easy button to get past these feelings. 2 weeks is a long time to feel like shit!

kangstadt · April 2014

Thanks for all the support ladies. I ended up talking to my SO a bit last night about how I've been feeling (since lying in bed breastfeeding and crying for an hour is totally normal...) and I'm feeling a lot better today. It also helped getting almost a full night's sleep. I'm hoping that I can cope a little better now that SO is more aware of the struggle I've been having.

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