How are you adjusting to life? (Long)

tangerinemachine · April 2014

I was just chatting to my best friend who is 30 weeks pregnant how different my life is now. Having a degree in human ecology always has me thinking about work and family life. I've done research on these topics in the past and I'm just curious to hear some real life experiences.

Whether you're a FTM or STM or more how has your LO changed your life? do you feel like being a mom is a more difficult than a job outside the home? And those who work as both a mom and outside the home, how is that going?

I'll start with my experience, before I had LO I really enjoyed my independence and doing what I wanted to do. I love my son so much and I look at him and can't believe he is now here and a part of my life. I realized that I struggle sometimes with not being able to always do what I want. I know it sounds selfish but you get used to a lifestyle and a baby completely changes it. I find looking after a baby is an incredibly tough job, it's 24 hours and I'm responsible for the survival of a tiny human. Before my son I would go to work come home and do whatever . I always wonder if I'm doing the right thing for him. Is he sleeping enough, eating enough etc? I'm lucky enough to be home with LO and I'm so proud of the moms that have gone back to work I don't think I could do both, not yet anyway.

So what do you think ladies, now that little ones have been here a few months, how's it going?

rachaelmary · April 2014

I'm from Canada so my mat leave is 12 months (very grateful) so I'm currently a sahm. I'm a total home body, so I was always so excited to have kids and get to stay home.

I'll say it is harder than I thought, mentally. I do miss having the freedom to do whatever I want, when I want (to a degree), but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I know as time goes on I'll miss the baby days, and I know it'll get easier to go out with LO without having anxiety about her having a meltdown in public.

Anyway, my point, it's harder than I thought but I still love it. I wish I didn't have to work a day again in my life.

Edit-how can you not love this? Load of laundry on, kitchen cleaned and dishwasher running. Now I'm sitting with LO sound asleep in my arms, as I watch Ellen and enjoy a home made earl grey tea misto. Perfection!

nebraska84 · April 2014

I think my adjustment from one child to 2 has been difficult with things outside the home. I feel like we have a great schedule at home and both boys are wonderful. But as soon I went back to work I feel like a chicken with my head cut off. I am just trying to get through each day and have both kids fed and clothed. I don't have time to do household things like dust. I know this will come but right now it is survivor mode.

keags5496 · April 2014

I was actually the exact opposite of @TyrannosaurusLex . I wanted children, but really could do without the baby phase entirely. I used to joke with my mom that she could take them until they turned 5 and I'd go from there. Then I had Evan and I couldn't imagine doing anything else. I like to think that mothering came pretty natural to me (or as naturally as it can) and I would like nothing more than to keep having babies (but there is no way that I can afford more than the 2 that I have).

I don't really remember what I did with my time and money before the LOs came along. My days are full and non stop but I couldn't imagine it any other way. For me, the adjustment to one was much harder than the adjustment to 2. I don't know if its because I'm more laid back or that I have learned that phases come and go but I am loving the time with two. DH left when LO was like 3 weeks old for a week and we were just fine...didn't even bat an eye.

I think my mom "job" is way harder than my teaching job. I can leave my teaching job when it becomes overwhelming and I have time during the day that is just for me...not so much with being a mom.

slwprincess · April 2014

This is my third. Like TLex, I was born to be a mom and never felt complete until I had kids. That said, I'm also pretty career driven. I've been a full time working mom with my older two and went back at 8 and 10 weeks. This time, I'm home for 6 mos. and truthfully, I cannot tell you which is harder- Working Mom or SAHM! I'm exhausted but exhilarated, stress free but worried, missing friends but savoring moments. I think my coworkers all think I won't come back, my family thinks I won't last 6 months. I have no idea! I'm just taking it one day at a time and focusing on the fact that I have this last perfect baby and love getting to know my older two better.

As for adjusting, my first was an easy adjustment. Like I said, motherhood was the missing piece in my life. He clicked right into place and DH and I were no worse for the wear. Which is probably why #2 kicked my ass. I thought we had this parenting gig down and then my minime rocked my world. I also had way too much going on outside the home and was just stretched thin and making stupid decisions. I swore we were done- I clearly was not as much of a natural as I thought. But then we got this little surprise and while I would say she's probably my hardest baby, the adjustment from 2-3 has been pretty smooth. She really does complete us.

C12H22O11 · April 2014

STM here. I'll say that I always wanted kids, but not with the burning desire that a lot of women have. I probably would have been just fine without them. I was solidly in the one and done camp after DS, but DH wanted more. I finally realized that I'd never regret having a second, but there was a possibility I'd regret NOT having a second.

I have to say the adjustment with my first child was much harder. I didn't feel an instant bond with him - of course I knew it was my job to nurture and protect him - but he was just kind of there until he started really interacting with me at about 6 months. This time has been muh easier, probably because I know how awesome she'll be in a couple years.

I couldn't wait to go back to work with DS and I'm just about at the point (2 months) where I'm itching to get back. My career defines me, and I'm extremely proud of my accomplishments. While I enjoy time with my kids, I feel drained after a whole day with them whereas I feel energized after a day of work.

BB0214 · April 2014

It took me a long time to decide if I wanted kids. I don't gravitate toward them. I don't get excited to hold newborns. I'm not one to volunteer to watch other people's children. I could have taken or left motherhood. I loved my life without children and the freedom of it all. When DH and I decided to start TTC, I said I would give it one year. If it didn't happen within that time frame, we would go on with our lives.
Now that I am a parent, i love it! I feel such a deep connection with MY child. She's the light of my life. I honestly can't imagine my life without her. I always thought I'd be resentful in not being able to travel for a while and that I'd miss my freedom and my career. But I don't. The adjustment was hard. I'm real about the fact that not every moment is magical. There have been parts that have down right sucked. But I wouldn't trade it. I never understood how people could say that before, but I do now.

ShePersisted · April 2014

I'll just say that having PPD has impacted my mental state of mind very hugely. I think it's temporary but it still feels overwhelming. I feel out if control and even though I knew this would be hard I did not imagine it anything like this. Plus right now I'm going through the guilt of giving up BF which is making me feel I did not deserve to be a mom.

That being said, before I got pregnant I thought I would be an awesome mother and will have the best time raising a kid. I'm just shocked that PPD had taken away that entire emotion. I do think this is temporary though ( I sure hope to god!) and that even though my life is not just 'my life' anymore I will get those emotions back.

I will say this though, I never knew I could love someone so much in my life. Let emotions aside the only thing I am sure of is the love I have for my child and that gives my hope that all this change will get adjusted and accepted over time.

RondackHiker · April 2014

Adding DD to the family has been so smooth and easy I feel a bit guilty. I have so many friends struggling! We will have rough days every so often, but she really just fits in so seamlessly that it's amazing.

I just feel pretty zen right now about my family. It's just... Nice. We've got a good routine down and we are active and have fun.

JackieP1023 · April 2014

I am like tlex, but not quite to the same extreme. I have known for a very long time that I wouldn't be complete without kid(s). As the oldest of 5, I played a big part in helping raise the youngest two.

I think MH and I have adjusted wonderfully to having LO around. Sure, cuddles supercede housework, and sometimes we have rough days. I wouldn't trade it for the world!

As a working mom, I have a great employer who allows my part time schedule to be flexible, even WFH one day a week.

Our biggest 'issue' has been adapting our finances. Although, it doesn't help that we have a TON of medical bills all hitting at the same time we are adapting to buying for baby too.

tangerinemachine · April 2014

This is so interesting to see all the perspectives! Thank you for your responses!
I think it might have come across that I don't enjoy my life as a mom, I certainly do! I've never loved anyone more than I love my little guy, it's a different kind of love. I feel guilty though when I want time to myself when I chose to be a mom.

SuzyQq02 · April 2014

I always wanted children, but figuring out the reality of how they would actually fit into our life is one of the reasons we waited for awhile to have kids (we were married nearly 5 years before we started trying, though we did marry relatively young for our area). I have been very focused on my career, and being a clinical social worker, having enough to give in both places on my life is something I do worry about, because I pour my heart and soul into my work.

I'm so excited to be LO's mom, and we were as ready as we were going to be, but there's stilla part of me that's waiting for the grown ups to show up and tell me what to do. ;-) I actually cried a little today looking at LO, thinking that I can't believe the universe lets me be her mom. It's humbling and scary and makes my heart want to explode all at once.

SuzyQq02 · April 2014

And I'll say it's a totally different experience for mh. Before we started dating, he wasn't sure he wanted to marry, let alone have children, so I think he's had an even bigger adjustment than I have. He has a very demanding job and its wearing on him a lot to be away from her so much, which I don't think he expected at all. How much he loves this little girl seems to have taken him by surprise. ;-)

Mazingmommyof6 · April 2014

RondackHiker said:
Adding DD to the family has been so smooth and easy I feel a bit guilty. I have so many friends struggling! We will have rough days every so often, but she really just fits in so seamlessly that it's amazing.

I just feel pretty zen right now about my family. It's just... Nice. We've got a good routine down and we are active and have fun.

I actually feel exactly like Rondack. Ella fits in so perfectly. I can't imagine life any other way

courtls22 · April 2014

I'm with @TyrannosaurusLex almost exactly. I've dreamed of being a mom for as long as I can remember. I also worried that I wouldn't be able to have children to the point it was my biggest fear because you don't know until you start trying. I also chose to work with children as a career because I just NEED to be around children. I was lucky to find my true love in high school. The year we were engaged was so hard because my desire to be a mom was so strong. We were so blessed to be able to conceive our LO when we started trying and I can't describe the relief I had when we got the BFP. All of our friends and family expected us to have a baby right away, I really don't think anyone was surprised when we announced. I feel sort of guilty but my desire to care for other children has dwindled now that I have him because my needs to care for children are met at home. I would SAH if I was able. I also have exhausting days of course but my life feels so much more complete now. Also, I expected my DH to be a wonderful dad but he has gone above and beyond my expectations. Watching him be a dad to our LO has made me love him even more and I didn't think that would be possible.

MamaAllison · April 2014

Hugs @Hg45.

gigantan · April 2014

((hugs @Hg45))

PPD certainly impacted my view of having kids. After DD1, I was surprised at how much I resented my DH, and my life in general for being such a slave to the home. Everything was so hard! I was guilty for having to supplement yet resented having to BF or pump. It was only when I returned to work that I started feeling "normal" again, and only then did I appreciate the addition to the family.

After having DD2, my perspective is very different in that I did not suffer from PPD. Comparing ML's, I appreciate the little things and do not mind the not so desirable moments i.e. MOTN feedings, poopy diaper changes etc. My DD2 is more snuggly than my first which makes me connect to her more quickly than my first child. I guess what I am saying is that I prepared for the worst this time around and was pleasantly surprised just how easy DD2 fits into our family.

Regarding the Q about degree of difficulty of being a mom compared to outside work; being a mom is WAY harder than any outside job. I remember calling my boss halfway through my ML saying that I wanted to come back to work sooner because at least at work I knew what I was doing. She reminded me that I had been doing my job a lot longer than I have been a mom and I will get the hand of motherhood in no time; which I did. Though, it is still the hardest role/job/quest in life.

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