STM has anyone regretted finding out the sex of baby?

annejulie26 · April 2014

I was team green with my first pregnancy. But now am on the fence about finding out. DS had a traumatic birth and was immediately transferred to another hospital. The excitement of finding out he was a boy was lost. (Side note: he is the happiest most "normal" 2 year old today) Wondering if anyone has been team green before and then found out the sex on a different pregnancy and regretted it or wished they'd waited?

mrstorrestobe · April 2014

Never waited to find out. Thought it was just as exciting finding out at the big gender reveal ultrasound. (Of course, again I've never waited so can't really compare the excitement). For me, after finding out the sex of the baby growing inside me, I feel so much more connected to them. Like I can picture them or something and start calling them by their name (once we have one picked out). But that's just me!

Justabean3 · April 2014

I didn't want to find out but the minute they turned the u/s on I blurted out boy. So there went that.

I think I would have to have my head buried or not watch at all and I can't do that.

jesslinnn · April 2014

mrstorrestobe said:

Never waited to find out. Thought it was just as exciting finding out at the big gender reveal ultrasound. (Of course, again I've never waited so can't really compare the excitement). For me, after finding out the sex of the baby growing inside me, I feel so much more connected to them. Like I can picture them or something and start calling them by their name (once we have one picked out). But that's just me!

This, especially the bolded!

Kendrav4 · April 2014

I did! With LO 2 i wanted to be team green but got excited and wanted to know at the ultrasound. It was fun knowing but I wish I would have waited for the surprise at the end

ashie0610 · April 2014

We found out at 20 weeks with DS and had absolutely no regrets. We considered waiting this time just to have a different experience, but we loved knowing so much last time that we decided to find out at our next u/s with this baby.

Like PPs have said, it made me feel a lot closer to the baby growing inside me while pregnant, and the day he was born I was way more interested in what he looked like!

Dubsgirlie · April 2014

mrstorrestobe said:
Never waited to find out. Thought it was just as exciting finding out at the big gender reveal ultrasound. (Of course, again I've never waited so can't really compare the excitement). For me, after finding out the sex of the baby growing inside me, I feel so much more connected to them. Like I can picture them or something and start calling them by their name (once we have one picked out). But that's just me!

I hate, I mean HATE when people say they felt more connected after finding out especially if they've never waited. I'm pretty sure I was incredibly connected to DS without knowing he was a boy. It's so insulting that people would assume that I could've been more connected if I found out if he had a penis before birth. We're waiting this time too, and I can promise I'm just as connected to this baby as you are.

hippohat · April 2014

I didn't miss out feeling connected with my baby at all, like PP. We are choosing to wait this time also. DH wanted (very badly!) to find out last time but we both held out, now he's the one pushing to wait this time. So I guess I'd say from his side, no regrets at all. Even with a rushed/slightly traumatic birth we still had a second of surprise together - first that it was a girl, second that she had a full head of black hair (I'm fair/blond!).

And ditto that if you've never waited then it would be hard to weigh in about regrets or not.

jesslinnn · April 2014

Dubsgirlie said:

Never waited to find out. Thought it was just as exciting finding out at the big gender reveal ultrasound. (Of course, again I've never waited so can't really compare the excitement). For me, after finding out the sex of the baby growing inside me, I feel so much more connected to them. Like I can picture them or something and start calling them by their name (once we have one picked out). But that's just me!
I hate, I mean HATE when people say they felt more connected after finding out especially if they've never waited. I'm pretty sure I was incredibly connected to DS without knowing he was a boy. It's so insulting that people would assume that I could've been more connected if I found out if he had a penis before birth. We're waiting this time too, and I can promise I'm just as connected to this baby as you are.

I went the first half of each of my pregnancies not knowing the sex, and once I found out I felt more connected than I did before finding out. I don't see how that is I insulting at all to anyone! PP even says "for ME" multiple times, it's not like she's saying "you won't feel connected unless you find out".

jesslinnn · April 2014

hippohat said:

I didn't miss out feeling connected with my baby at all, like PP. We are choosing to wait this time also. DH wanted (very badly!) to find out last time but we both held out, now he's the one pushing to wait this time. So I guess I'd say from his side, no regrets at all. Even with a rushed/slightly traumatic birth we still had a second of surprise together - first that it was a girl, second that she had a full head of black hair (I'm fair/blond!).

And ditto that if you've never waited then it would be hard to weigh in about regrets or not.

OP is asking if people who were team green once then found out with another pregnancy had regrets... so I guess if you have never found out then you can't really weigh in either.

loopybaby · April 2014

I didn't find out with my first but I did with my 2nd. I wouldn't say I regret it but I am going back to team green this time:)

BloomingMomma · April 2014

I'm not qualified to comment since we found out with DD#1, but now that I've wanted to try team green I don't want to find out, then regret it later on since this is our last baby. It's made me a little anxious (occasionally) about decorating the nursery, but the flip side is that overall I do care less about the superficial stuff overall (e.g., nursery decor) so I'm left to connect with #2 by journaling and prenatal yoga.

We have a girl name, undecided about boy, so if we knew girl...we would save time, but that's ok.

Anyway, based on last birth, I hope you can take time to think about connection to new kid, maybe hire a doula for more support, or something so last birth experience doesn't taint this one.

BloomingMomma · April 2014

I'll save posters the time to write to say this is idiotic... I know it is... But we already told folks we are team green so I feel somewhat committed to sticking to that.

LaDyBostonRN · April 2014

Nicb13 said:

Grace0609 said:

Team green with ds1 only bc dh wanted to be. Hated every second of it. We found out with all the rest and am 100% glad we did. I had a much easier time feeling connected to the babies when I knew what we were expecting. That was just my experience.

Your sig picture with all the feet is THE CUTEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN! What a great idea.

DITTO. So very cute.

jcsumm0 · April 2014

We were team green with #1 and loved it and are planning on doing the same for #2. One downside I can see to finding out the sex is that people buy you a lot of gender oriented clothes and other things for the baby. Then if you have another that is the other sex, you've got alllll those blue/pink clothes (and possibly carseat, etc) and have to start all over. Personally I don't like pink or blue everywhere, I prefer more gender neutral things, so that was a plus side to not knowing the baby's sex.

I sort of wanted to find out this time because I think it might help DD prepare a bit more (she's insisting it's a girl) but I know DH wants to wait. I'll have to have a c/s this time, which I'm not looking forward to and have a lot of anxiety over, so I'm looking forward to finding out the sex as sort of an extra "reward" on the day of birth. If that makes any sense.

IrishHoney123 · April 2014

No regrets finding out. I don't like the thought of info in my chart that I don't know! And I have friends who were waiting to find out only to have their nurse accidentally tell them when in L&D.

Also a close friend was Team Green for pregnancy 1, and found out with pregnancy 2 and she says she prefers knowing for the same reason PP said-she feels closer to the baby.

I've never been Team Green, but great question OP!

jesslinnn · April 2014

IrishHoney123 said:

No regrets finding out. I don't like the thought of info in my chart that I don't know! And I have friends who were waiting to find out only to have their nurse accidentally tell them when in L&D.
Also a close friend was Team Green for pregnancy 1, and found out with pregnancy 2 and she says she prefers knowing for the same reason PP said-she feels closer to the baby.
I've never been Team Green, but great question OP!

OMG that would be my luck! What a bummer.

annejulie26 · April 2014

BloomingMomma said:
I'm not qualified to comment since we found out with DD#1, but now that I've wanted to try team green I don't want to find out, then regret it later on since this is our last baby. It's made me a little anxious (occasionally) about decorating the nursery, but the flip side is that overall I do care less about the superficial stuff overall (e.g., nursery decor) so I'm left to connect with #2 by journaling and prenatal yoga.

We have a girl name, undecided about boy, so if we knew girl...we would save time, but that's ok.

Anyway, based on last birth, I hope you can take time to think about connection to new kid, maybe hire a doula for more support, or something so last birth experience doesn't taint this one.

I also could care less about the decorations or all blue/ pink! Surprisingly i'm not worried last birth will taint this one... Long story short I've unfortunately been around hospitals enough to know every time is new and different. However, I know how to advocate better for myself and won't be pushed into anything I don't want:) Thanks for your input!

Dubsgirlie · April 2014

IrishHoney123 said:
No regrets finding out. I don't like the thought of info in my chart that I don't know! And I have friends who were waiting to find out only to have their nurse accidentally tell them when in L&D.
Also a close friend was Team Green for pregnancy 1, and found out with pregnancy 2 and she says she prefers knowing for the same reason PP said-she feels closer to the baby.
I've never been Team Green, but great question OP!

My doctors don't keep a record of it so that would never happen.

IrishHoney123 · April 2014

@Dubsgirlie, I didn't know that was possible? The tech/OB include the info in the anatomy scan transcript which is a permanent part of the chart....I've never heard of them being able to not keep a record of it. A note on the chart saying parents choose not to know is the most you can get at the hospitals I've worked at.

Littledeer84 · April 2014

Not sure about the tech, but my ob said if we were waiting to find out then she would wait too, so I am assuming it doesn't go on a chart she looks at.

2goingon3 · April 2014

I was team green with #1, long hard labour, totally missed the "it's a..." moment so decided to find out 2nd time around. No regrets at all! I enjoyed the separation of "it's a boy!" from "baby's here!" both feelings are great...now I'm pregnant with #3 and going back to team green so as to see how I feel about the "surprise", I'm really hoping I don't miss it this time!!

pinkshades05 · April 2014

Dubsgirlie said:

Never waited to find out. Thought it was just as exciting finding out at the big gender reveal ultrasound. (Of course, again I've never waited so can't really compare the excitement). For me, after finding out the sex of the baby growing inside me, I feel so much more connected to them. Like I can picture them or something and start calling them by their name (once we have one picked out). But that's just me!
I hate, I mean HATE when people say they felt more connected after finding out especially if they've never waited. I'm pretty sure I was incredibly connected to DS without knowing he was a boy. It's so insulting that people would assume that I could've been more connected if I found out if he had a penis before birth. We're waiting this time too, and I can promise I'm just as connected to this baby as you are.

I was team green and it took me a while to feel that connection with my DD. I love her to death now, but not everyone (even if they find out) has that "moment" when their baby is born. I convinced myself that she was a boy the entire pregnancy, so when she was born she really felt like a stranger and small part of me mourned the loss of the "son" that I didn't have. It was an odd feeling. We'll be team green this time, but I hold no judgement for those who find out. Team green is not the right choice for everyone.

melaniedel · April 2014

Never waited. Never wanted to. Never regretted it. I have always felt that being able to learn more about my children helped with bonding. I love knowing, getting the gender specific outfit (yep I love dresses for girls and blue for boys). It always made it feel even more real and added to my existing excitement. It's a personal choice though. GL OP!

JessAnnJ · April 2014

pinkshades05 said:

Dubsgirlie said:

mrstorrestobe said:
Never waited to find out. Thought it was just as exciting finding out at the big gender reveal ultrasound. (Of course, again I've never waited so can't really compare the excitement). For me, after finding out the sex of the baby growing inside me, I feel so much more connected to them. Like I can picture them or something and start calling them by their name (once we have one picked out). But that's just me!
I hate, I mean HATE when people say they felt more connected after finding out especially if they've never waited. I'm pretty sure I was incredibly connected to DS without knowing he was a boy. It's so insulting that people would assume that I could've been more connected if I found out if he had a penis before birth. We're waiting this time too, and I can promise I'm just as connected to this baby as you are.

I was team green and it took me a while to feel that connection with my DD. I love her to death now, but not everyone (even if they find out) has that "moment" when their baby is born. I convinced myself that she was a boy the entire pregnancy, so when she was born she really felt like a stranger and small part of me mourned the loss of the "son" that I didn't have. It was an odd feeling. We'll be team green this time, but I hold no judgement for those who find out. Team green is not the right choice for everyone.

We found out last time and what you said above about not everyone having that moment is true. I would say it actually took me a few months.

Dubsgirlie · April 2014

IrishHoney123 said:
@Dubsgirlie, I didn't know that was possible? The tech/OB include the info in the anatomy scan transcript which is a permanent part of the chart....I've never heard of them being able to not keep a record of it. A note on the chart saying parents choose not to know is the most you can get at the hospitals I've worked at.

The only people that know are the US techs. They show the doctors the pictures but the only thing they leave in the chart is if the genitals are normal or not.

Young03 · April 2014

I also had no regrets when finding out with my two boys. Like others have said I also felt I was able to bond more with my babies when I knew more about them and could refer to my baby by he or the name I had picked out, instead of just baby or it.

Eastie156 · April 2014

No regrets finding out at all.

MrMrsandBaby · April 2014

We found out with DD and I never regretted it. I would love to be Team Green with this one but DH is 100% against it. I do sort of wish we were TG last time now that I know I won't have the chance for the "It's a (fill in the blank)" moment at delivery. I'm still going to be surprised, just sooner than I wanted! I think being TG is awesome but, like @pinkshades05 said, not for everyone - including my husband. Boo.

I think we are keeping it a secret from everyone though because I really want to have the surprise for our families. I would tell you all of course, but my sister is on TB and reads my posts...so everyone is in the dark now!

jmh210 · April 2014

I found out with my daughter and didnt regret it at all. This time I kind of want a boy and I'm afraid if it's a girl I'll be just a tiny bit disappointed. I know when it arrives I'll be thrilled no matter what, so I figured waiting is the best way to prevent any type of disappointment.

erinrundemc · April 2014

I am always team green the excitement of in that moment of giving birth is that much more exciting and determined me to push him out! My midwife did it the best way too...right before DS popped out she said that she thinks it is the moms right to see and tell what the sex is first...besides we did all the work! So when he came out she covered his little area, put him on my stomach and took her hand away....I screamed BOY! It was the coolest moment ever!!!! I can't wait for that moment again in October

ss265 · April 2014

I wouldn't have minded being Team Green but DH was adamantly against it. In fact when I got my Maternit21 results, I had the nurse email them to me so that we could find out together in person. I called him on my way home from work and he wanted me to check my email then and there (while driving in rush hour traffic on the highway) so that I could tell him what sex the baby was. I convinced him to wait until I got home.

Honestly I prefer knowing the sex ahead of time because similar to PP, it helps me feel more connected to the baby and it helps a lot with the name discussion (boy names are super hard for us so it helps to not have to go through that if we knew we are having a girl). We also had strong sex preferences both times and knowing the sex helps us get used to the idea/disappointment we might experience. My emotions were also completely out of whack with DS's birth (I had a C-section when I adamantly did not want one and it devastated me) and it would have been one more thing to process if we hadn't found out the sex ahead of time.

MrMrsandBaby · April 2014

jmh210 said:

I found out with my daughter and didnt regret it at all. This time I kind of want a boy and I'm afraid if it's a girl I'll be just a tiny bit disappointed. I know when it arrives I'll be thrilled no matter what, so I figured waiting is the best way to prevent any type of disappointment.

@jmh210 - that is funny because DH is using the opposite logic about finding out. He said if it is another girl he wants to know in advance so he won't have even a twinge of disappointment at birth.

mcclan03 · May 2014

pinkshades05 said:

Dubsgirlie said:

Never waited to find out. Thought it was just as exciting finding out at the big gender reveal ultrasound. (Of course, again I've never waited so can't really compare the excitement). For me, after finding out the sex of the baby growing inside me, I feel so much more connected to them. Like I can picture them or something and start calling them by their name (once we have one picked out). But that's just me!
I hate, I mean HATE when people say they felt more connected after finding out especially if they've never waited. I'm pretty sure I was incredibly connected to DS without knowing he was a boy. It's so insulting that people would assume that I could've been more connected if I found out if he had a penis before birth. We're waiting this time too, and I can promise I'm just as connected to this baby as you are.

I was team green and it took me a while to feel that connection with my DD. I love her to death now, but not everyone (even if they find out) has that "moment" when their baby is born. I convinced myself that she was a boy the entire pregnancy, so when she was born she really felt like a stranger and small part of me mourned the loss of the "son" that I didn't have. It was an odd feeling. We'll be team green this time, but I hold no judgement for those who find out. Team green is not the right choice for everyone.

This is so helpful for me! I'm on the other side -- convinced I'm having a girl. The feeling is so strong that I'm worried I'll spend all this time subconsciously connecting with a daughter and will have to adjust if I have a boy. I'm completely happy with either, and am trying to get myself to stop thinking about the baby as a "she," but it's not really working so far. Hubby prefers not to find out, and in theory I like that idea, but I'm worried about my post-baby reaction if I'm wrong, after picturing a daughter throughout my pregnancy (no matter how hard I try not to). Would be easier if I didn't have a strong feeling either way.

OP, sorry I don't have actual input since I haven't done either yet! Just wanted to thank @pinkshades05 for helping articulate what's been bugging me.

trisharenee0316 · May 2014

For my first pregnancy, I thought I was having a boy. I got convinced that 11 of 12 old wives tales couldn't be wrong, right? Nope. Found out I was having a girl around 18-19 weeks. Although it was exciting, it was a bit of a let down because I was expecting one thing and got another. I got over it and well before she was born, I was back to being excited.

With this kiddo, I planned to be Team Green. And then at the NT scan, I cracked and I ended up asking for the results from my fetal DNA test regarding sex. I thought it would be more emotional and special to find out when the baby was born, but reading the results on the lab test was pretty emotional too and I admittedly teared up from excitement when I found out the sex of this baby. But in neither case have I ever regretted finding out.

BeanNut · May 2014

Another vote for never regretted finding out. There is so much going on at the birth as is and it's a lot of fun to find out during the pregnancy

jenndub · May 2014

I have always loved finding out early. I also felt a much stronger connection once I could say son or daughter to the little person I was growing. I think it really helped the older kids prepare for the baby last time too. We had them open a big box and pink balloons flew out, they were super excited to know they were having a sister. And they still had a few months to get used to the idea.

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