Looks like IVF for us...Rant

AngM123 · April 2014

I had my first RE appt last week, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all. Within the first 5 minutes of sitting down the Doc started talking IVF based on my surgical report. While I knew this was likely how things would be headed, it was just devastating to hear for real. I've spent the last week analyzing everything, trying to figure out what to do. We are 100% OOP, and the total cost will be around $20,000. However, they do offer a warranty program that I would qualify for and basically if it didn't work we would get refunded around $16,000. While that is somewhat a financial relief, I worry about the whole process in general. I worry about my overall mental health going through this. I feel so worn down, defeated already. I see all the treatments some of you ladies have been through and I am in awe how strong you all are. I don't know how you do it. Some days I just don't think I can emotionally deal with all this. I work on inpatient behavioral health, I work with women everyday that are on meth/heroin/crack/smoke/drink and pregnant, or they have 5 kids in DHS custody. I want to punch them all. I feel like I need to find a new job. I have no friends who have IF, they all decide what month they want to get pregnant, have sex once and bam. The few friends and family we have confided in make ignorant, insensitive comments and simply just don't understand. It's like they don't take our IF seriously. I'm so sick and tired of hearing "it will happen for you guys eventually, I promise." Ohh really? We'll actually no, it may not ever happen assholes. I have isolated myself from just about everyone I know. I can't handle being around all our friends kids, I can't handle hanging out with ppl we know are trying for fear of a pregnancy announcement, and so, that eliminates almost everyone. I'm just so damn angry. So now we schedule a follow up and discuss moving forward with IVF. Any advice is welcome. So sorry for the rant, I just HATE We are all here.

cymber217 · April 2014

I would get a second opinion.. my first RE wanted to jump to ivf with icsi..and my new one is not as aggressive which I like. How come they dont suggest a few IUI's first? I agree ppl are so brave that go through ivf. Maybe you can channel all your hurt and anger into braveness for this process? Im sorry I know how hard it all is.

ronniesgirl1981 · April 2014

Making the jump to IVF was really hard for me, too. And even though it ended in a BFN, I still don't regret it. When my RE broke down what he estimated my success rate would be with more IUIs, it made no sense to continue with them.

I found that it was much less physically daunting than I feared, but much more emotionally draining.

Regardless, you can do this as soon as you feel ready. We all have your back.

AngM123 · April 2014

They said I could try 3 medicated IUIs at an 8-11% chance. With IVF they put me in a group with 55-70% chance. I more than likely have tubal damage, my tubes/ovaries were twisted/kinked and embedded in my pelvic cavity behind my uterus. My ovaries both had chocolate cysts. So in these cases, getting the sperm there with IUI won't make a difference if nothing else is functioning.

KT416 · April 2014

Welcome to the board! I hope you find the support you are looking for here, these ladies are awesome!

I knew that IVF with ICSI was going to be the recommendation from my RE but definitely hearing those words were a lot harder than I thought it would be. I like to take it one day at a time and go from there.

I would also get a second opinion or maybe price out a different clinic if possible. I'm sorry you have to be in this position but hopefully your stay will be short.

BunnyBerry · April 2014

Welcome to the board! I, too, am sorry that we all have to be here.

I'm so sorry about the insensitivity of the people in your life...that must hurt and feel isolating. For a long time I thought it was true what people were saying - that it would happen eventually, just relax - so now that I am more informed about IF as a medical condition, that makes it easier not to take it personally, but it's still awful to hear. I got a copy of "what to expect when you're expecting" for $1 at the grocery store last week (supposedly to save for the future..who am I kidding?), and I was shocked to read several paragraphs about how relaxing is the most important thing for women who aren't getting pregnant. Angry!!!

I'm glad that your clinic's IVF program includes a good refund protection, hopefully that can relieve some of the emotional/financial pressure. Has your RE broken down for you exactly why he thinks IVF is the best plan right now? Maybe if you did have those percentages laid out for you like a PP got, that would help? I definitely agree with PP that it makes sense to get a second opinion before jumping in. At the same time, perhaps the RE is just not on the same page as you in terms of your financial concerns - he might be thinking you'd want to save the expense of failed IUI's, while maybe you are willing to take the risk for the chance you might avoid IVF.

I get what you're saying too about admiration for the women who have struggled through so many treatments, especially IVF. I find myself almost hoping that the testing will just tell me, oh you have no tubes and that explains everything and just do IVF and you'll have a 50% chance each time, if only to avoid the uncertainties and low chances of IUI. But then again, when I consider the difference in our financial well-being if we have a child after a few IUI's vs. after the expense of IVF, I realize we would be looking at a totally different scenario as far as what we could afford, from maternity leave to DH staying in school FT, and that is really difficult to come to terms with.

I hope that whatever you choose, your stay here isn't long!!

runawaylaurel · April 2014

At my first RE appointment, he told us we could do IUI's but IVF would be our best choice. I wasn't ready, so we have done 2 IUI's, both BFN, and I now feel so much more ready for IVF (but your experience may vary of course, and your medical situation is very different from mine). It is so, so hard to hear that you might have to do something that's relatively invasive to get pregnant, when other people get it so easily. I'm sorry for the insensitive people in your life, and I hope you and your husband can choose the solution that works best for you, whether it's IUIs and/or IVF. Good luck.

xc1148 · April 2014

IVF (cost aside) is not as bad as you think it will be. It's such a strict regimen, and you feel (for once) that you are totally in control of the process. Honestly, you have so many injections that you get used to them really quickly---I've done several in public bathrooms

And then you have your retrieval and then transfer. Once you start stims it goes by really, really quickly. I know it seems scary; we skipped IUI and went straight to IVF so it was my first round with any medications, but it really wasn't that bad.

Take time to process everything, and make sure you focus on the success rates. They are a lot higher than IUI, and the retrieval is really the only "big" part about it. Good luck and hang in there!!

jjgrl55 · April 2014

I'm still early in my process, so I have no advice on the IVF front, but I definitely get the isolation bit. I do my best, but there are people who have been so insensitive that I just can't handle it. There is actually a married couple here that we were getting really close with until the evening she announced her pregnancy, then proceeded to spend all night discussing it in detail, knowing that we have been trying for a while and having issues. Her husband then told us that "it always happens when you're not trying!" Well, perhaps it does for you, but telling me to "not try" is like me telling you to not think of elephants when I say the word elephant.

Posting here will help with those feelings of isolation. And it is possible to find people who haven't been through it who are still sensitive. My closest friend here has never tried getting pregnant, but she is still very sympathetic and understanding about what I am going through. I hope you can find a person like that in your life, who listens before talking and tries to understand before trying to give "advice".

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