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January 2014 Moms
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Ashamed to admit... but I'm tired of being a SAHM

brandlebuggbrandlebugg member
in January 2014 Moms
After finding out I was pregnant a year ago, I couldn't wait to spend all this time with my baby. I graduated with my Masters in August... and I was looking forward to saying goodbye to the demands of grad school and my internship. I naively thought that being a SAHM would be a break compared to all the work I had to do in school. Isn't it funny how the grass is always greener on the other side? I thought to myself about all the hours I would spend rocking my sleepy baby, tickling his toes, nursing him... you know, all the fun stuff. But I wasn't thinking about all the spit up, all the laundry, all the repetition, all the crying, all the "saying no" to social events that I used to say "yes" to on a whim. This has been such a hard transition.

I don't know if I'm having late postpartum depression (I don't think that's what it is according to the symptoms I've read online) but I just really think I want to go to work. I feel so guilty... because I love my baby... I love seeing him grow and the fun stuff is really fun... but the stressful stuff is really stressful. Anyone else having these feelings? I'm also afraid that if I do find a job... I might regret it later. That maybe I'm just in a hump that I need to get over and maybe it won't be as stressful later on down the road... when I'm getting more sleep or something. I don't know....

I'm rambling...
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BFP#1- 08/18/2012. MMC; D/C- 09/26/2012
BFP #2- 04/30/2013. Due 01/06/2014. 
It's a BOY!-U/S 07/20/2013 
A/S shows healthy baby with heartbeat of 138BPM- 08/20/2013 
01/01/14- DS Born 5:54 am weight: 7lb, 14oz
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Re: Ashamed to admit... but I'm tired of being a SAHM

  • cnctfcnctf member
    You shouldnt feel guilty, SAH is no easy task. When I was still pregnant we was gonna have S/O's mom watch DD while I went back to work. S/O voiced his concerns because MIL is older and I naively said "how hard is it to watch a NB? They pretty much eat and sleep". Haha jokes on me because DD loves and by loves I mean NEEDS to be carried while sleeping or she will wake up in 20 minutes or so. So yes, it is fun to interact and watch l/o grow, but it is also physically and mentally exhausting. Is there maybe one day a week where u can have someone babysit so you can go have some adult time or alone time?
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  • katagskatags member
    It is definitely exhausting. Maybe you could try to find a part time job? I know that's easier said than done, but I'm only working MWF and it definitely helps me reset my batteries for my days with LO. She's a non-napper, and it's exhausting. I appreciate my days at work, and they definitely make me a better mom.

    But if you do regret starting work, you can always quit. You won't know until you try. That being said, they do say it gets easier as they get older. I'll believe it when I see it!
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  • Momto1goofballMomto1goofball member
    There is no need to feel guilty. I have been a SAHM for 4 years now and I still feel that way occasionally. Its not easy. The house is a mess and dinner is never ready on time because I have the baby to cater to. she also ays wants to be held or to eat. There is always homework to help with and laundry to do but missing them grow up is harder. Maybe not while you are caught up in it. When you look back though. It hurts.
    The days that all run together wear on you. I do miss working on a day to day basis and talking to people but I missed sooo much as a working mom.
    Right now I drop DS off at school and am there to pick him up. I don't have to tell him no when he asks to join this club or that because I don't have to worry about how he will get home. Money is insanely tight in our house but being there for our kids makes it worth it.
    I found that meeting a friend once a week helped a lot. Even if its just for a little bit while the kids play.
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  • km_mdkm_md member
    Don't feel guilty or ashamed. It is really hard to stay at home and I think your feelings are completely normal. DH has been gone some long days lately so I've been home with DD all day and I'm ready for bed by 8. It is tiring to take care of a little one all day and I worry about every little thing that she does. This might be something that passes for you, but if you do need to go back to work, that isn't a bad thing either.


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  • csandroocsandroo member
    If you enjoy working life there is no shame in that. But you said it yourself - grass is greener on the other side. Laundry and stuff will still be there after work. I think being a working mom is awesome, even though I currently SAH.
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  • worleygirlworleygirl member
    Sorry you are having a hard time. I think it's probably pretty normal to feel that way. You probably worked/studied for a long time before baby. Switching gears is always hard. I hope you feel better about things soon.
     
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  • CeeJC121013CeeJC121013 member
    I have done both, and to me it was certainly a "grass is greener on the other side" situation. I am Sah now but There are pros and cons and guilt with both. I second the idea of try seeing how you do with a part time job. And if you're missing some interaction, try getting plugged in to some moms groups, or mom & baby exercise groups.

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  • brandlebuggbrandlebugg member
    Thank you ladies for your responses. I also really like the idea of finding something part time if I can. I have looked around for mommy groups and haven't been able to find one in my area. I live near St Louis so I'm sure there are some out there.... I just might not be looking in the right places. I don't like the idea of starting a job and then quitting... since I just graduated I don't feel like it would be a right move to start a job in my field and then quit because if I start working I really need to demonstrate the capacity to hold a job in my field for my resume and networking, etc. I really think that today was just a stressful day... and so I'm looking at this through the grass is greener lense. When I really think about it... my baby is such an angel and I just want to see him grow. I have a feeling that if I missed out on that, I would regret it. And since money isn't an issue right now, I have that freedom, thank the Lord. 

    I did however just figure out that part of my stress is because apparently my LO is on a nursing strike. He's refusing to nurse but he's hungry. It's incredibly frustrating. I'm pumping to keep my supply up and we're giving him my milk from a bottle in the meantime but I'm hoping to get him back to breast ASAP. 

    My goal is to just focus on the positive things about being home with LO. Today was just...

    bleh
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    BFP#1- 08/18/2012. MMC; D/C- 09/26/2012
    BFP #2- 04/30/2013. Due 01/06/2014. 
    It's a BOY!-U/S 07/20/2013 
    A/S shows healthy baby with heartbeat of 138BPM- 08/20/2013 
    01/01/14- DS Born 5:54 am weight: 7lb, 14oz
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  • ac1259ac1259 member
    I know exactly how you feel. I am so torn between going back to work and staying at home because I remember how much I didn't love work...I think I've stuck with staying home for now but it's changed a lot the past few months. 




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  • peanutmusepeanutmuse member
    brandlebugg said:
    *snip* all the "saying no" to social events that I used to say "yes" to on a whim.
    FWIW, I don't think that part^ is going to change whether or not you are working, you know?
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  • brandlebuggbrandlebugg member
    peanutmuse said:
    brandlebugg said:
    *snip* all the "saying no" to social events that I used to say "yes" to on a whim.
    FWIW, I don't think that part^ is going to change whether or not you are working, you know?
    ahhh...touche 
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    BFP#1- 08/18/2012. MMC; D/C- 09/26/2012
    BFP #2- 04/30/2013. Due 01/06/2014. 
    It's a BOY!-U/S 07/20/2013 
    A/S shows healthy baby with heartbeat of 138BPM- 08/20/2013 
    01/01/14- DS Born 5:54 am weight: 7lb, 14oz
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  • MiaMyPuggleMiaMyPuggle member
    I'm so sorry...I'll commiserate with you! I thought the grass was much much greener...negative! I'll admit that I had/maybe still somewhat have the baby blues...not full on PPD. I love in a different state than my friends and family. It's isolating...thank God for mom groups...I met great friends thru them. I also got DS involved in kids gyms...gets us out of the house. Now that winter is over, things should get better for you. You're not alone, you're preaching to the choir with me!

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  • TylynngraceTylynngrace member
    I was having the same feelings when I was SAH and I really thought working would be more enjoyable at times. I got a part time job about a month ago where I work 4 hours in the morning during the week and 6 hours on Saturday and now I wish I wouldn't have gotten a job. The money is always a good thing but I miss getting to take care of my baby all day even if he is screaming.
    You just have to find out what works for you. If you want to work try part time for a little and like PP said, if you don't want to continue it you don't have to. The first day was the hardest but it's getting easier for me. I say do what makes you happy
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  • bensmommy518bensmommy518 member
    I am sorry you are having a hard time.  This is the debate most moms have (some dont becasue it simply isn't an option for them) and it has to be a personal decision for what is right for you and your family. 

    Personally, I feel I am a better mom when I am working becasue I am the type of person who struggles with motivation.  If I have no where I have to be that day, I get nothing done and stay at home in front of the TV all day.  It happened with DS on my first maternity leave and I was SOOOO ready to go back to work just so I wouldn't sit on my ass all day.  With my maternity leave this time for DD I was better, in part becasue a 2 year old wont tolerate sitting at home all day and becasue I made it a point to schedule plans with someone at least 3 times per week so I had to get dressed and out of the house those days. 

    I also am not the most patient person and sometimes I just need a break from the kids - it doesn't mean I love them any less, it just means I know myself and in order to stay sane and not snap,  I have certain needs I need to take care of.  Working allows me the space so that when I am home with the kids at night and on weekends, I dont feel burnt out on them.

    I also have a unique daycare situation though that makes things easier for me because I DON'T miss out on milestones.  When DS took his first steps, I was able to be there, even though it happened while I was at work.  This has been very valuable to me becasue I would definatly feel guilty about missing big milestones because I was at work. 




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  • megngregkmegngregk member
    The intent was never for me to be a SAHM long-term but to finish school then find a job. Graduated the end of March, and will start working when DS is about 4.5 months old. I'm ready to go back to work. Don't feel guilty.
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  • Audrey112Audrey112 member
    I am having one of those days myself. My baby boy is refusing to nap today and fussing like crazy. I have cried about 3 times today feeling so lost. But then he will settle in to nurse and I will see his content sleep face (even if it is only for 10 minutes) and I know I can go on. It is a daily battle but I know staying home was the right choice for me and my family. I have a good friend who shared this atricle with me and it really helps me on days like this. Look for the Kairos moments.




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  • brandlebuggbrandlebugg member
    Audrey112 said:
    I am having one of those days myself. My baby boy is refusing to nap today and fussing like crazy. I have cried about 3 times today feeling so lost. But then he will settle in to nurse and I will see his content sleep face (even if it is only for 10 minutes) and I know I can go on. It is a daily battle but I know staying home was the right choice for me and my family. I have a good friend who shared this atricle with me and it really helps me on days like this. Look for the Kairos moments.




    Thank you for sharing that article. It took me a while to get to it.. but it really helped. Definitely saving it :) 
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    BFP#1- 08/18/2012. MMC; D/C- 09/26/2012
    BFP #2- 04/30/2013. Due 01/06/2014. 
    It's a BOY!-U/S 07/20/2013 
    A/S shows healthy baby with heartbeat of 138BPM- 08/20/2013 
    01/01/14- DS Born 5:54 am weight: 7lb, 14oz
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