opinion on IVF go fund me...

Texasmomma13 · April 2014

This morning on FB a friend of mine shared a post from one of her friend's go fund me page. It's to fund her IVF treatment. This is her narrative.

Hello friends! My name is ----------------. My husband -------- and I have been together for 10 years, and for the last 5 years have been actively attempting to get pregnant, but to no avail. Last year, I had a surgical procedure to make sure that my fallopian tubes were not blocked, and had to have a catheter pushed through to my cervix. After which, I was on a 3 month cycle of Clomid, a successful fertility hormone. Still...not pregnant. Our next step is to try Artificial Insemination through the fertility clinic, but our resources have been exhausted after multiple types of procedures. This is why I am asking for your help. I am in my mid-thirties, will graduate college in December, and would love to have a baby to call our own before it is too late. Every little bit can go a long way to help pay for the initial visits and treatments needed. Anything that you can do to help would be appreciated in ways that you could never know. Thank you so much.

I am feeling conflicted on this one. On one hand I believe everyone deserves the opportunity to be a parent. However on the other, I find the go fund me stuff extremely tacky. So what do you think? If this was your friend or acquaintance would you donate?

TrueBeliever925 · April 2014

I agree with the idea that not being able to conceive would be devastating. More like world shattering! However, I personally would never ask for help with something so private and personal. In turn, I don't think I would donate, especially with our funds the way there are now. Maybe if I had a lot of money hanging around I would feel compelled to help a family member or friend, especially if they had opened up to me personally (rather than a facebook message or post).

I have a hard time asking ANYONE for money so I don't understand how all these people can broadcast their needs/wants like this (including the mwalker710 bridal shower discussion).

kkay1982 · April 2014

I feel bad that they have had to work so hard to get pregnant but doing a go fund me and posting to FB (not to mention talking about getting a catheter) seems tacky and out of place. I hate asking anyone for money but I could see talking to family and close friends but not putting this out there like this.

janneann1127 · April 2014

Yeah I'm not a big fan of this "go fund me" stuff myself. I feel for her plight but I do find it tacky.

This is a little different but along the same lines - I have a cousin whose daughter was accepted to an out of state university, and she posted one of those "go fund" things on FB asking for people to help send her to college. Don't get me wrong - I'm all for higher education, but I'm still paying off my own student loans and I'm 35. I went to an in-state college to save money, and paid for all of it myself. My cousin's parents have a decent amount of cash, and this girl travels all the time… Her grandparents took her to India recently and she spends nearly every holiday in Mexico on a family vacation. They live in San Diego in a huge house… Don't tell me her parents can't afford a to send her to college!

Haha sorry, this kind of thing bothers me. Would I contribute? No, I probably would not.

TrueBeliever925 · April 2014

janneann1127 said:

Yeah I'm not a big fan of this "go fund me" stuff myself. I feel for her plight but I do find it tacky. This is a little different but along the same lines - I have a cousin whose daughter was accepted to an out of state university, and she posted one of those "go fund" things on FB asking for people to help send her to college. Don't get me wrong - I'm all for higher education, but I'm still paying off my own student loans and I'm 35. I went to an in-state college to save money, and paid for all of it myself. My cousin's parents have a decent amount of cash, and this girl travels all the time… Her grandparents took her to India recently and she spends nearly every holiday in Mexico on a family vacation. They live in San Diego in a huge house… Don't tell me her parents can't afford a to send her to college! Haha sorry, this kind of thing bothers me. Would I contribute? No, I probably would not.

That's awful. Unless my kid qualifies for scholarships or tuition assistance, I would NEVER expect any money coming from anyone elses pocket (other than us or him) for him to receive a higher education.

Entitlement if you ask me.

(edit)

Texasmomma13 · April 2014

I agree with you all. I don't think I could ask others to donate for such a private cause. However, I haven't had to go through IVF. We did struggle to conceive and experienced loss. But once we sought out help we were successful rather quickly in terms of IF. Also, she's only asking for $3K. So, maybe that's their deductible if it's covered by her insurance. I know IVF is way more expensive than that.

V&G101808 · April 2014

I think posts like this (your friends) are extremely tacky. I understand it's extremely expensive to go through IVF treatments and I also understand the urgency of wanting a family before "it's too late" however there are other ways to go about raising money that don't include making everyone feel sorry for you.

Also, I think she posted WAY too much information in her post.

I have friends who are working through the adoption process right now. It's over $20K to bring their daughter home from China. They have started fundraising by selling homemade organic soaps. If someone wants to donate, they have a donation page open but they have never once asked for donations. They have found another way to go about it and I can speak first hand when I say the soaps are awesome and are a great gift.

TrueBeliever925 · April 2014

Texasmomma13 said:

I agree with you all. I don't think I could ask others to donate for such a private cause. However, I haven't had to go through IVF. We did struggle to conceive and experienced loss. But once we sought out help we were successful rather quickly in terms of IF. Also, she's only asking for $3K. So, maybe that's their deductible if it's covered by her insurance. I know IVF is way more expensive than that.

I kind of feel that that's even worse if that is true. If most of it is being covered by insurance and they are asking to help pay the deductible, then maybe they aren't ready to be parents, financially. This isn't an accidental pregnancy, this is pre-planned. That's like buying a house with no down payment and asking people for help. And I don't mean to make it sound like I'm really comparing infertility to the inability to buy a home, because there is NO comparison, but it's the only way I can explain it. If they were trying to raise $20,000 I feel like that would be more justified, I guess.

nnikki10 · April 2014

I don't understand what happened to society that people feel it's okay to ask for others to pay for their stuff. It blows my mind.

TurtleMomma · April 2014

NOPE.

MagPie 1986 · April 2014

nnikki10 said:
I don't understand what happened to society that people feel it's okay to ask for others to pay for their stuff. It blows my mind.

This exactly! What is wrong with people thinking it's ok to ask others for money. I don't care about your situation; it's tacky.

What if she gets PG and her child gets ill, needs a surgery, or she goes on bed rest? Is she going to ask someone to help her with her expenses then? That could potentially be more than 3k. What then? Where does it stop?

MitsB707 · April 2014

nnikki10 said:
I don't understand what happened to society that people feel it's okay to ask for others to pay for their stuff. It blows my mind.

But guise, don't you want to pay my student loans for me?

Too much info and tacky. I'd be uncomfortable asking for money in any situation, especially that.

coraggiosa · April 2014

WTF to telling everyone about the catheter pushed through her cervix?

Also, I find this totally tacky. While I sympathize with her situation, I think outright asking people for money is gross. I'm one of those people that don't even like to be guilted into donating something for someone's cause - like for races, trivia nights, etc. I always feel like a jerk if I don't participate.

Revez · April 2014

I would never be able to ask for money like that. Nor do I think it's appropriate to do so.

ladyoriza · April 2014

I would donate money at a fundraising event. This just seems strange to me.

LokiLahve · April 2014

I do find this tacky and it isn't something I would ever do, BUT, having been through IUI & possibly having to go through IVF if we want another lo my heart would go out to the person.
If it was a friend I probably would donate...not for an acquaintance though. Not all insurance covers IF options, the ones that do are pretty pricy in my experience.

ludali · April 2014

Part of me says tacky, but I get it. My niece needed brain surgery at 16 months and SO many people were asking how they could help and wanted to give money. In the end I set up a giveforward.com account and shared it with friends and family. Now would my sister have reached out herself and set up something? No... I don't know if the way we did it made it OK but it was an easy way to reach the people who were reaching out to us.

RivieraBound · April 2014

This sounds more like an IUI and not IVF. Did she say specifically its IVF? Because artificial insemination is NOT IVF. Thats probably why they are only asking for 3k.

Our son was conceived through IUI. It cost $1200 for one cycle, not including meds. I would NEVER think to ask someone else to fund our baby. What happens when the kid needs braces KWIM?

And also, I've had the procedure to check for blocks in the tubes and it was NOT that big of a deal, so the fact she puts so much emphasis on that as a way to get sympathy kinda gets the side eye from me.

PrimRoseMama · April 2014

I feel for her struggles but that's tacky

ashleyamberRN · April 2014

It's one of those things that yea of course we'd all want to get "funded" for stuff, but it's tacky to post on Facebook. Ask your family or something if you really need help. I had infertility and got IUI (thank god it worked first cycle) and it's stressful and expensive. I'm thinking not many people will donate. Sounds like she is trying to describe her "procedures" in detail to get sympathy. What she's describing is a HSG and it's basically an invasive x-ray, not anything to be getting sympathy for.

janneann1127 · April 2014

janneann1127 said:

Yeah I'm not a big fan of this "go fund me" stuff myself. I feel for her plight but I do find it tacky. This is a little different but along the same lines - I have a cousin whose daughter was accepted to an out of state university, and she posted one of those "go fund" things on FB asking for people to help send her to college. Don't get me wrong - I'm all for higher education, but I'm still paying off my own student loans and I'm 35. I went to an in-state college to save money, and paid for all of it myself. My cousin's parents have a decent amount of cash, and this girl travels all the time… Her grandparents took her to India recently and she spends nearly every holiday in Mexico on a family vacation. They live in San Diego in a huge house… Don't tell me her parents can't afford a to send her to college! Haha sorry, this kind of thing bothers me. Would I contribute? No, I probably would not.

Case in point: She literally just posted a picture of her and her family in Maui this week. Just now.

Soleil3 · April 2014

It doesn't bother me. Unless I don't like the person in general, then it bothers me

Texasmomma13 · April 2014

RivieraBound said:
This sounds more like an IUI and not IVF. Did she say specifically its IVF? Because artificial insemination is NOT IVF. Thats probably why they are only asking for 3k.

Our son was conceived through IUI. It cost $1200 for one cycle, not including meds. I would NEVER think to ask someone else to fund our baby. What happens when the kid needs braces KWIM?

And also, I've had the procedure to check for blocks in the tubes and it was NOT that big of a deal, so the fact she puts so much emphasis on that as a way to get sympathy kinda gets the side eye from me.

Her post was titled something about IVF. I had a hsg, but I wouldn't consider that a surgical procedure. So, I'm not sure if that's what she's talking about.

PB102012 · April 2014

Things like go fund me make me very uncomfortable. I would never put stuff like that on Facebook, ever.

BlueJewelM · April 2014

Soleil3 said:

It doesn't bother me. Unless I don't like the person in general, then it bothers me

Ha, this exactly. How annoyed I am with gofundme is directly proportional to how much i like the person. I think the whole idea is weird, but I'm not willing to waste too much energy being annoyed by it. Mostly because I don't have that much energy to begin with.

RoosterMemphis · April 2014

The level of desperation they must feel to put all that out there must be at an all time high. I was told by doctors for years that I would never be able to conceive and to me, it was like someone turned off the oxygen, because being a mom was my biggest dream in my life. I remember having feelings of being willing to do anything, crazy as that sounds, to have a child. So I understand on that level.

But that shit is tacky. If you don't have money to help, then just move on.

PackersFan315 · April 2014

I cannot get on board with most of those go fund me things. I went through infertility and 4 cycles of IUI and feel for her, but that's something you financially plan for, not something you beg for. And going on extravagant trips and still asking for college money? Yikes! That's just tacky. Scholarships are available and unless they're getting free trips as prizes, they should use that vacation money for college.

magdalina.h · April 2014

Generally speaking, I'm not a fan of go fund me. A bumpie friend of mine has one set up because her daughter was diagnosed with a terminal illness and needs money for medical, but more importantly they are wanting to squeeze in as much of a life with their daughter as they can. That is the only one I will help.
I can't imagine asking my jr high friend that I haven't talked to in years to help pay for a medical procedure for me. That's essentially what putting go fund me on FB is. IMO

lkobriant · April 2014

I can say, from personal experience, that what's referred to as financial infertility is almost the worst part. We spent 8 months knowing we needed IVF but not having the money or coverage to move forward, so we did nothing until we did. Knowing what the problem is and how to fix it, yet not being able to fund it is a horrible feeling. So, I can understand feeling desperate and doing whatever possible to make it happen. That said, I would have never considered asking for something like this. There are multiple routes that can be taken for these things, loans specific to fertility treatments, grants, special payment programs, etc. I could never ask people to donate money like that, especially knowing that it wasn't a guarantee. I would feel so guilty if anyone had helped fund out treatments and they hadn't worked.

Also, that it total TMI. It comes across as they're too lazy to really search for alternate forms of payment and are trying to get people to give them money out of sympathy and I'm not cool with that. Like @V&G 101808 said, there are lots of 'fundraiser' type things you can do/sell in order to raise money that don't involve asking for handouts. I can empathize with that situation all day but I can't get on board with how they're handling it.

TeacherMom210 · April 2014

nnikki10 said:

I don't understand what happened to society that people feel it's okay to ask for others to pay for their stuff. It blows my mind.

This is exactly how I feel about this type of stuff.

Khaleesi07 · April 2014

Yikes. It's a rough position to be in, but if I needed the money that badly I would think about maybe waitressing on weekends, or even doing something like 31 parties, ect. I understand that not everyone has family to ask for help, but this is just too much.

My best friend did a go fund me for her moving expenses. Ugh. She didn't get a penny, and seemed clueless as to why. She kept dropping hints and sending me emails, and I had to tell her that hey, I'm pregnant, working as a temp, and saving money so I could stay at home if the temp job didn't work out (and it didn't so thank goodness I had a bit saved). She was always welcome at my place for meals and I she needed somewhere to crash, but there was no way I was going to give her money in that circumstance.

JaymeMac · April 2014

@nnikki10‌ nailed it. Couldn't have said it better myself.

CaliforniaDream87 · April 2014

I wouldn't EVER in a million years ask other people to fund my IVF. Never.

BellaOso · April 2014

I wouldn't have the guts to post something like that. I also agree with PP who said the fact it is only $3000 almost makes it worse. They could apply for "Care Credit" (a credit card specifically for medical, dental and vet services - no interest if paid in a certain number of months,) and pay it off themselves.

The only people I would ask for scratch if I was REALLY desperate to have a baby is my parents and even then it would be a loan.

That said, we have donated several times for friends who were in horrific accidents and 2 friends who children had leukemia, but I will fund the shit out of that and I will shamelessly share it.

Throw3ks · April 2014

Eeks! My H and I went thru this same stuff but I would NEVER ask anyone for money towards it. If we want the family we should be able to handle it on our own. We did 3 IUIs and 1 IVF. I can't imagine asking for money and/or sharing my private business with everyone. Tacky. No money from me.

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