I can't seem to get past this... LONG!

I had wanted a med-free home birth. I got the med-free part (yippee!) but not the labour and delivery I had imagined.

My labour started very quickly and contractions were thick and fast. From the word go they lasted around 50seconds, some well over a minute and I was only getting around a minutes gap between them. Here (uk) you would call labour and delivery when you are in established labour and they will only admit you once you were 4cm if everything is normal..... But because my contractions were so thick and fast I called in for advice. They said they would send a midwife to see how I was getting on...

The midwife arrived around 10.30pm (labour started 9.30pm). I was just getting in the pool - I needed some relief after only an hour! She got me out and examined me around 11.30 - I was only 0.5cm (she hurt me a lot and I bleed an awful lot afterwards!). So she had me get out of the pool and go to bed.... It would be hours yet.

My husband went and slept on the sofa so he would be awake for me. I wasn't comfortable being left to labour alone in bed of all places! But I agreed in theory I wanted him rested. It got to around 1.30am and I couldn't handle being alone anymore. I had my husband come through to me to be with me even if he couldn't do anything.

1.45am I decided sod what he midwife said, I was getting back in the pool. My husband phoned back the midwife to say I was no longer coping and would she come back. She was very resistant and didn't think I would have progressed. She convinced my husband that if I wasn't coping now then I should be in hospital and a hole birth wasn't for me.... He went the loo while I stayed in the pool....

2am my waters went and I was in pain! I was shouting and shouting for my husband to come back.... No reply.... Suddenly my body started pushing and there was nothing I could do to stop it.... Again more shouting to husband - he eventually came and said he had got stuck on the loo with a funny tummy so couldn't come. He saw it was pushing and freaked. We both thought the midwife wouldn't make it in time, and by that point I really didn't want the on call one coming back here.... We didn't get on and I felt she wasn't believing how I was feeling, just because I was a FTM.

So, jumped in the car, skipped a few red lights and we were at the hospital for 2.15. I only had on a top and some ugg boots - pants were NOT going on then!! So we had a sheet round me. The midwives came flying out with a wheelie desk chair as they couldn't get to a wheel chair.... Whizzed me round to the first examination room.

I was very freaked out as the midwife had convinced us we wouldn't have progressed anywhere near enough. I thought I would be that tiny percentage whose body starts to push before they are dilated. I begged them to check me and they said they didn't need to as they could see the head!!!

She was face up, so took me till 4.09 to push out! So everything goes at the speed of light, followed by 2hours of pushing! I could have had my home birth after all. Well, she came out perfect and with no tearing! Yippee!!

I still feeling really let down that I laboured alone in a bed (uncomfortable as hell!!) and the horrible on call home birth midwife (my usual midwife was on a day off) hurt me so badly during examination, she then wouldn't return to us and managed to freak out my husband.... The hospital staff were amazing! I had lots of midwives, doctors and consultants there since I came in with no notes and not able to talk to begin with, also no idea as to how baby was doing since I hadn't had even the slightest bit of monitoring of LO the whole time....

I don't know if I'm being dramatic, I just still feel let down and not only did I not get any natural pain relief I had planned on, The labour I had wanted, I didn't felt I was listened to and was passed off with "not coping" as if I was being dramatic at such an early stage.... Despite the fact my husband said I was very very quiet labourer. I just sought help at an early stage which turned out to be only a short time before pushing! Eurghhhh anyone else feel like this?